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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇱 has downloaded:

Amazing if accurate: bleeding money.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has downloaded:

I don’t think the makers of protein powder have ever had chocolate.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has downloaded:

If you ever get attacked by a shark, just be a good sport about it and let it eat you. Hey, look on the bright side: It’s a rare occurrence, so you’re special.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has bookmarked:

If you bought 1 Bitcoin ten years ago, it would now be worth 1 Bitcoin. Let that sink in.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has viewed:

The delivery guy absolutely hates it when I call him my pizza mule.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has viewed:

What base is it when he says, “I know you need it badly,” but he’s talking about sleep?

Someone from 🇺🇦 has copied:

I was a nothingburger to him, but he was an everything bagel to me…

Someone from 🇵🇾 has downloaded:

Keep posting, I’m diagnosing you.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has copied:

I don’t need the web for attention, I jog in a wedding dress.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has shared:

I love when men go on diets they will be like “let me go for the healthy option”: the buffalo chicken quesadilla.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

94 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,363

Funny Quotes Topics

17,479

Funny Quotes Images

15,363

Jan 2, 2026

3,622

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Not only is it not Friday, but it’s not even Thursday.

Trending via WhatsApp:

Apparently the thirstiest creature in the whole world is always a kid who’s been told to go back to his bed like a hundred times.

Going viral on Reddit:

New email opener just dropped: “I am interested in bothering you!”

Going viral on Messenger:

I’d post more pics, but I don’t want y’all falling in love all at once.

Going viral on Messenger:

I’ve been doing Dry January, but it’s literally just been my lips and skin.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

I wonder whatever happened to the tiny dogs all of those terrible women were carrying around in their purses.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

People who live alone should get one practice conversation before they have to speak out loud for the first time that day.

Just shared via Twitch:

I’m sorry I used air quotes when I said we were friends.

Seen just now on X:

Babies are undefeated at debate. Their gibberish is too passionate.

Going viral on Telegram:

If I wore a mood ring, it would probably explode immediately.

Just got sacked from my job at a think tank for thinking about donuts.

2 months ago

0

Just got sacked from my job at a think tank for thinking about donuts.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Looks like their brains were on a sugar rush instead of a thought-provoking one! 🍩🤔 Nothing like thinking about those delicious, doughy circles to get you thinking outside the box! Who knew donuts could be such a dangerous distraction at a think tank? 😂 #DonutDisruption

donuts, humor, job, just, layoff, snack, tank, think, think tank, thinking, workplace

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Back to work at last! I couldn’t sleep for sheer anticipation.

0

2 months ago

anticipation, back, back to work, humor, i, last, sleep, work
I think one quality that makes me incredibly attractive is that I keep my mouth shut when I have nothing to say.

0

2 months ago

attractive, confidence, humor, i, keep, me, mouth, nothing, quality, say, self-awareness, shut, think
My advice to kids in kindergarten is to start saving all the money.

0

2 months ago

advice, kid, kids, kindergarten, money, saving, start
They monitor me harder than Britney Spears around here.

0

2 months ago

around, britney, Britney Spears, celebrity, harder, here, humor, me, monitor, monitoring, oversight, spears, surveillance
I regret to inform you that we must all once again figure out what to make for dinner tonight.

0

5 months ago

again, cooking, daily, daily routine, decision, decision making, dinner, family, family life, figure, food, humor, i, inform, life, making, meal, meal planning, once, planning, regret, routine, tonight
I’m not like other teenagers, I’m 51.

0

2 months ago

age, humor, life, life stage, perspective, self-deprecation, stage, teenager

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

69 shares on TikTok this month:

Amazing if accurate: bleeding money.

74 shares on Instagram this month:

Spice up your work day by drinking your coffee from a flask.

80 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I truly wonder what it sounded like when Medusa washed her hair at night.

31 shares on Threads this month:

Body: Time to sleep. Brain: Hey, that’s an interesting thought, here’s six billion more.

34 shares on WeChat this month:

Calling women “bro” to make sure they know they’re in the deepest trenches of the friend zone.

24 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I have been touched inappropriately by the sun today.

21 shares on Snapchat this month:

Never wrestle with a pig. You get dirty, and besides, the pig likes it.

51 shares on LinkedIn this month:

When it gets past my bedtime, I get so scared.

79 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I have no desire to work now. I had five days off in a row where I dined at a feast and was entertained at a cinema. I have flown too high to return to a laptop.

97 shares on Twitch this month:

Sometimes I just want a man to talk to me in the same voice he uses to talk to his dog.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Just got sacked from my job at a think tank for thinking about donuts.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

The real miracle is how Jesus managed to book a table for twenty-six people on the night before the Easter holiday, and then only half them showed up.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

I miss the days when you could simply end a phone call by slamming the receiver down angrily.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

I want the dreams to chase me for once.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

If history repeats itself, I’m getting a pet dinosaur.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Depression is embarrassing because sometimes it makes you miss appointments and not return phone calls, and when the fog starts to lift, you gotta do a whole bloody apology tour.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

There’s an unwritten rule: if you need something and it’s available at your mom’s house, it’s yours.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

I called the cops on my own party, because I was ready to go to bed.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Internet strangers offer the best advice.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

HR has told me to stop saying ‘How stupid can you be?’ to members of staff. They’re worried it’s being taken as a challenge.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

94 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,363

Funny Quotes Topics

17,479

Funny Quotes Images

15,363

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,297

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇯🇵 has viewed:

I suppose the supreme discipline for ninjas is sneaking up with flip flops.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has viewed:

Karma has taught me to never laugh at a stranger being attacked by a seagull.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has viewed:

According to a study, people believe anything that starts with ‘according to a study’.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has viewed:

Middle-aged math is going out drinking and feeling half your age then waking up the next morning feeling twice your age.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has shared:

Just blocked all the ugly people, so if you see this… what’s up, big sexy?

Someone from 🇸🇴 has copied:

The next man who speaks to me will be sacrificed to the gods for a bountiful harvest.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has shared:

The meteorologist who devised the wind chill factor has died. He was 86, but he felt like 75.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has shared:

I’ve heard so much about the “Eye of the Tiger,” but how come no one ever talks about the other four letters?

Someone from 🇲🇰 has copied:

“It’s been a long week!” Me, on a Tuesday.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has shared:

Twitter is like a psych ward with no staff.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via LinkedIn:

If you’re ever wondering what to do in an uncomfortable situation, just think “What would teenage me do?” And then do the opposite of that.

Just shared via Slack:

All the fruit flies are well-behaved near the garbage, only one is constantly nagging somewhere else because it thinks it has to discover new lands.

Trending via Twitch:

If you like Christmas so much, why don’t you merry it?

Live now on Slack:

5pm on a Friday: call me a McDonald’s ice-cream machine because I’m not working.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Before you call me an idiot consider this: I know!

Just shared via Telegram:

I’m not lazy, I’m on power saving mode.

Just shared via WeChat:

Best thing about TikTok is you literally don’t need to follow anyone to have a good time.

Going viral on X:

My ideal man is a kindhearted little freak.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Only money has the right to say “you’ll regret losing me”. The rest of you calm down.

Making waves on Telegram:

We should thank heaven for nipples. Without them boobs would be pointless.

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