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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇨 has viewed:

Having a bathroom switch outside a bathroom and a sibling is a bad combination.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has viewed:

I need to get my shit together, but at this point, I’m waiting to see if the world is going to end before I put any real effort in.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has bookmarked:

A little 9-5 with a little fraud on the side is the only way you gone survive in this world.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has viewed:

Seems like it would be really tough being a girl named Molly at a rave.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has viewed:

Took a break from Twitter for my mental health, so I’d figure I’d come back to ruin it again.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has bookmarked:

If you have nothing nice to say, I promise you that I’ll have something even worse to say back.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has copied:

Hey, sorry I acted weird the other day. I was trying so hard to act normal that it backfired.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has downloaded:

I’ve decided that I’m going to underthink today.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has copied:

The worst part about getting sucked up by the tornado you’re filming is to die knowing your wife was right. You are an idiot.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has copied:

People who take care of chickens are literally chicken tenders.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Jan 2, 2026

3,464

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Super excited about a brand new week of questioning all my life choices.

Freshly posted on Slack:

If I’m ever the problem, you’re the reason.

Freshly posted on Threads:

I have been alive all my life, and have not once seen a Chinese food commercial.

Going bananas on Twitch:

My life plans are fading like Marty McFly’s family photo.

Trending via TikTok:

I had too much to think last night.

Shared recently on Telegram:

Basketball’s all like “gimme that pumpkin, I need it” and golf is all like “***k this egg, imma hit it into the sun”

Making waves on Snapchat:

Actually, no one sees you at your worst like your coworkers do.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Welcome to middle age. You now take pictures of instructions so you can enlarge them.

Trending via YouTube:

That urge to nap between 3pm – 5pm is no joke.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

I respect the moon because it controls three of our most precious entities: oceans, wolves & women.

Just got sacked from my job at a think tank for thinking about donuts.

2 months ago

0

Just got sacked from my job at a think tank for thinking about donuts.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Looks like their brains were on a sugar rush instead of a thought-provoking one! 🍩🤔 Nothing like thinking about those delicious, doughy circles to get you thinking outside the box! Who knew donuts could be such a dangerous distraction at a think tank? 😂 #DonutDisruption

donuts, humor, job, just, layoff, snack, tank, think, think tank, thinking, workplace

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

They should invent a rest for the wicked.

0

2 months ago

humor, invention, irony, relaxation, rest, should, wicked
The Recipe for Disaster in me, recognizes the Appetite for Destruction in you.

0

2 months ago

appetite, conflict, destruction, disaster, food, humor, irony, me, recipe, relationship
Santa has the right idea: only visit people once a year, eat a snack, leave early.

0

1 month ago

celebration, early, eat, holiday, humor, idea, leave, once, only, party, people, right, Santa, snack, socializing, tradition, visit, year
When you ask for your phone charger back and your teenager has the audacity to ask “what percentage are you on?”

0

2 months ago

ask, audacity, back, charger, family, humor, percentage, phone, phone charger, technology, teenager
70% of the planet is covered in water, yet here I am drowning in bullshit.

0

2 months ago

am, bullshit, drowning, frustration, here, humor, i, irony, planet, sarcasm, water
God created childbirth so women could know how men feel when we have a cold.

0

2 months ago

childbirth, cold, empathy, feel, gender, gender humor, God, humor, know, men, perspective, relationships, women

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

46 shares on Pinterest this month:

Got banned from the sauna at my gym for saying “steam me up, Scotty” a few too many times.

97 shares on TikTok this month:

Santa punched a hole in my wall because I left him soy milk.

73 shares on YouTube this month:

I like when the rain is misty and you get to feel like a grocery store broccoli for a little while.

69 shares on WeChat this month:

Microsoft Teams needs to add a “spank” reaction for when I want to reprimand my employees during a video call.

28 shares on Pinterest this month:

Jesus rose from the grave because he forgot to clear his browser history.

58 shares on Messenger this month:

Teaching myself ukulele! Neighbor keeping the beat on my wall!

96 shares on Reddit this month:

If you need ChatGPT to write an email, maybe you shouldn’t have job.

71 shares on Messenger this month:

Santa baby, slip some mental stability under the tree, for me.

90 shares on Snapchat this month:

Smithereens is the worst way to get blown.

33 shares on TikTok this month:

I eat cake because it’s somebody’s birthday somewhere.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

9 folks are currently checking 👀

In other news, congrats to my therapist for securing a 4 year contract with me.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I suck at flirting, I end up arguing with them instead.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Returning to Twitter is like coming back to a dysfunctional family.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

If they can make a nuclear reactor small enough to power a submarine, why can’t they make one for my house?

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Bringing a fitted sheet to a knife fight.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

The gym gives you energy, but you need energy to get to the gym. Feels like a pyramid scheme, if you ask me.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

My dad thought Siri would be more helpful finding a lemon ricotta recipe if he used an Italian accent.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

You know you’re mature when you go to the dentist and you are no longer afraid of pain, but of how much it costs.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Every day Facebook tells me I have memories and wants to show them to me. It’s like they have no appreciation for the cost or the amount of liquor I needed to erase them.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

4 sneezes in a row is clout chasing. Wrap it up!

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,647

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇿 has copied:

Lack of sex really gets you mad at every little thing for no reason.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has viewed:

When you’re talking to someone and you can tell they’re trying out a new word.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has copied:

I just got lied to by 3K+ people. That recipe was awful.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has shared:

Adulting is making a phone call, even though you don’t want to.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has downloaded:

Long sandwiches should have suitcase handles.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has copied:

My family asked me what I wanted for Mother’s Day, so I packed their bags and changed the locks.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has copied:

Chickens only make one sound, because they can’t think outside the bawks.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has bookmarked:

I told my daughter to check her attitude, and she responded, “For complaints about attitude, please contact the manufacturer.”

Someone from 🇳🇵 has downloaded:

A sperm bank implies the existence of sperm markets, which further implies the existence of high-frequency sperm trading.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has downloaded:

Due to personal reasons, I must make it in life.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Telegram:

One thing I love about the internet is seeing some of the most hateful people posting inspirational quotes.

Making waves on Snapchat:

The only constant in my life are the accidental screenshots of my lock screen.

Making waves on Threads:

The only ‘survival horror’ game I play is called ‘getting up every day and leaving the house.

Going viral on TikTok:

There’s no reason my stomach should be growling, I just gave it some iced coffee.

Trending via Threads:

I suck at flirting. I be like “is that so?”

Just shared via Messenger:

You guys ever play a game for hours straight? You start hallucinating the sounds.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Clubbing is a phase that you must go through and get over.

Just landed via Facebook:

Being called ‘my love’ is probably the cutest thing, like yes, that’s me. I’m the one you love. I’m the only one you love. I’m your love. Say it again.

Shared recently on Telegram:

God, I’m not trying to rush you for my soulmate; but could I get the tracking number?

Just shared via Snapchat:

Gonna spend today following my cats into the kitchen and meowing at them until they give me treats.

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