Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇪 has viewed:

Life is just resetting your password until you die.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has copied:

Watching 2+ movies a day to prevent a thought from happening.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has copied:

OnlyFans, but it’s elderly women teaching you how to sew, knit, can food, quilt, and some solid recipes. OnlyGrans.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has shared:

Maybe the real American dream is the debt we collected along the way.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has downloaded:

If you call me from a private number, I’ll respect your privacy and won’t answer.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has shared:

Men used to send love letters in the middle of wars, and now they think reassurance is too much effort.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has downloaded:

I identify as a McDonald’s ice-cream machine because I go down when you really want me.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has downloaded:

There’s a special place in hell for people like you (next to me).

Someone from 🇱🇧 has copied:

All I’m saying is that I’m closer to being a millionaire than Jeff Bezos is.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has viewed:

Good morning to everyone except myself cause I wish I was still asleep.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

296 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,565

Funny Quotes Topics

17,623

Funny Quotes Images

15,565

Updated

Jan 11, 2026

Users Online

3,241

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Late replies don’t bother me. As long as we’re not in love, or you don’t owe me money, take your time.

Going viral on Twitch:

I need to social distance with the refrigerator so I can flatten my curve.

Just landed via YouTube:

NFTs were less about the money and more about the friends you scammed along the way.

Trending via Pinterest:

Don’t forget to tell yourself more lies today.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

Rain cancels plans, upsetting some and delighting others.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

I remember owning a mobile device as a kid, it was called my bike.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

Girls with long hair will literally leave little traces of themselves wherever they go, like feathers falling from an angel’s wings.

Making waves on TikTok:

Took the road less travelled after buying the sat nav less expensive.

Making waves on Reddit:

I love when women move on. It’s my favourite genre.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Making her wear those remote-controlled vibrating panties in public so I can inform her when I’m tired and want to leave the party.

My cat’s in a bad mood, despite eating and sleeping all day.

4 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Sounds like your cat's taking some serious lessons in grumpiness from old Garfield 🐱💤🍝 #FelineMoody

bad, behavior, cat, cats, day, eating, funny observation, mood, observation, pet, pet behavior, sleeping

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

When someone asks me why I’m leaving the party early, I say “I’m late for an appointment with my pajamas.”

2 months ago

appointment, comfort, early, humor, i, late, leave, leaving, me, pajamas, party, say, social, someone
The most expensive clothing you’ll ever wear is a hospital gown.

2 months ago

clothing, ever, expensive, expensive clothing, fashion, gown, healthcare, hospital, hospital gown, humor, irony, medical, most, wear
Nobody cleans better than somebody that’s pissed off.

2 months ago

anger, better, cleaning, frustration, humor, motivation, nobody, pissed, somebody
I’ve arrived like the sun: blinding, necessary, and impossible to ignore.

2 months ago

brightness, charisma, confidence, humor, ignore, impact, impossible, necessary, presence, self-esteem, sun
I’m not worried about shattering the illusion, I want to smash it to pieces.

5 months ago

attitude, defiance, humor, i, illusion, pieces, shattering, smash, smashing, want
The most realistic scene in Star Wars was when Darth Vader lost his cool during a staff meeting and used the force to choke a coworker.

2 months ago

choke, choking, cool, coworker, culture, darth, Darth Vader, force, humor, lost, meeting, pop, pop culture, scene, sci-fi, staff, staff meeting, star, Star Wars, used, vader, wars, workplace

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

71 shares on X this month:

You’re so vain. You probably think me being in this tree outside your house is about you.

60 shares on Snapchat this month:

I wish there was a nicer way to say “my natural tendency to spot patterns is making me feel very uncomfortable about you”.

14 shares on Pinterest this month:

With certain people, you get nauseous just hearing their name.

38 shares on LinkedIn this month:

“Stalking”. God forbid I have access to public information and know how to utilize my resources.

40 shares on WhatsApp this month:

You’d seriously think I was wanted for murder by the way I react when someone knocks on the door.

43 shares on Slack this month:

This is an awful time to be an educated person.

83 shares on LinkedIn this month:

When God created the giraffe, he probably slipped with the mouse on the screen. This is how its neck was created.

57 shares on Reddit this month:

If I’m giving you attention, feel blessed. My real passion is ignoring people.

17 shares on YouTube this month:

Marriages are like pancakes. Sometimes you gotta throw the first one out.

58 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Why fall in love when you can fall asleep?

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇿🇲 has shared:

My hobbies include sleeping and feeling like I’ve never slept.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has shared:

Having a Bible verse in your bio doesn’t make you a good person.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has shared:

I hate how everything is organic now. I miss chemicals.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has downloaded:

You could waterboard pretty much any embarrassing information out of me. I’m very waterboardable.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has downloaded:

I wait all week for the weekend just to aggressively do nothing in five different outfits.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has shared:

Ever since I was a little girl, I knew I didn’t want to go to work tomorrow morning.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has copied:

Me every time I wake up: Oh no, not again!

Someone from 🇹🇳 has downloaded:

“Some things are better left unsaid,” I think to myself immediately after I hit send.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has shared:

Good morning to everyone except people who sit right next to you when there’s a whole room full of empty seats.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has bookmarked:

The problem with hiding snacks from my kid is that when I forget, they end up being hidden from me too.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Just got hired at Five Guys as the guy who punches the burger before they put it in the bag.

Just shared via X:

Everyone else time traveling: Preventing wars or the spread of disease. Me: Buying multiple pairs of my favorite shoes they’ve stopped making.

Trending via Threads:

There is no actual wolf in Wolf of Wall Street.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

I actually think it’s quite beautiful that you have to be the one to save yourself.

Trending via TikTok:

How do I gracefully leave this party early but also take the queso dip with me?

Shared recently on YouTube:

You can add tears while cooking if you don’t have salt.

Trending via TikTok:

Googling symptoms until you cry.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

If you step on the back of my shoe and it comes off, I will do the same thing to your head.

Making waves on Pinterest:

We need a slur for people who use ChatGPT.

Shared recently on Twitch:

I’m trying to cut back on how much sense I make.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

My cat’s in a bad mood, despite eating and sleeping all day.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

When someone asks me why I’m leaving the party early, I say “I’m late for an appointment with my pajamas.”

The most expensive clothing you’ll ever wear is a hospital gown.

Nobody cleans better than somebody that’s pissed off.

I’ve arrived like the sun: blinding, necessary, and impossible to ignore.

I’m not worried about shattering the illusion, I want to smash it to pieces.

The most realistic scene in Star Wars was when Darth Vader lost his cool during a staff meeting and used the force to choke a coworker.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨