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Someone from 🇺🇸 has bookmarked:

Congrats on hitting your Q3 numbers. Here’s an even bigger Q4 number that you’ll be fired for missing.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has viewed:

Somebody somewhere today don’t know it’s their last day with all 10 fingers.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has shared:

“What’s your blood type?” I don’t know, boiling!

Someone from 🇳🇬 has viewed:

Notifications are a reminder that you exist.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has downloaded:

Sunday without HBO feels like a meal without carbs — empty and deeply wrong.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has viewed:

Ruin a perfectly nice trip out with your child by bringing your child.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has viewed:

Life is like bread. It gets hard at some point.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has copied:

With great power comes a great electricity bill.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has shared:

Dua Lipa is a fantastic singer AND Mario’s advice to Luigi when he wants to get on a slightly higher platform.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has bookmarked:

I see why history can repeat itself. People are really stupid.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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17,766

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15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Facebook:

“I’m not even close to how crazy I’m legally entitled to be.”

Spotted on X:

I like how my fridge also hums when it’s trying to concentrate.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Age is just a number… that now takes a really long time to scroll to.

Just landed via Slack:

I once quit a job, and when my boss asked why, I simply said, “I hate it here.” Best day of my life.

Just shared via Discord:

Therapy isn’t gonna cut it, I need vengeance.

Live now on WeChat:

A simple “hi” can be the beginning of two years of therapy.

Spotted on Twitch:

If I’m out drinking and “Push It” starts playing, take me home immediately.

Making waves on Reddit:

“I bought this while depressed” should be an acceptable reason to get a full refund on a return.

Shared recently on Slack:

Monday has a personal vendetta against my happiness.

Seen just now on Messenger:

Been getting really into nothing.

Not photogenic, but I probably look soooo good as a distant memory.

2 weeks ago

Funny Quotes

Witty quote about feeling forgettable yet charming as a distant memory.

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Commentary:
As long as I'm remembered like a renaissance painting, I'll take it! 😂🖼️

appearance, distant, good, humor, i, memory, nostalgia, photogenic, self-deprecating

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94 shares on Reddit this month:

Yesterday I wore something from 5 years ago and it actually fit. So proud of myself. It was a scarf, but still, let’s be positive here.

55 shares on WeChat this month:

Another year? But the last one got such bad reviews.

42 shares on Pinterest this month:

I am convinced that some of you are failed experiments that gained sentience and escaped from a lab.

73 shares on WhatsApp this month:

“New password cannot be your old password” makes me so mad.

40 shares on Messenger this month:

My parents didn’t raise me to order something expensive when someone else is paying.

87 shares on Messenger this month:

You cannot go outside for a year or two. Come back, and the same people still be outside in the same places.

75 shares on YouTube this month:

Babies first steal your glasses and then bite your nose. I don’t know where they get their reputation.

85 shares on Twitch this month:

Having now listened to the entire song, I have to say there’s some obvious internal disagreement as to what the Hokey Pokey is all about.

85 shares on Threads this month:

Your call is really important to us but first enjoy this clarinet number for the next seventy five minutes.

54 shares on YouTube this month:

Just pulled a Werther’s Original out of my pocket, like I’m 87 years old.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇪 has bookmarked:

All the world’s a stage, and I always forget my line.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has shared:

I dare you to try and be more single than me.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has copied:

My biggest motivation for getting out of bed in the morning is knowing that I will eventually be able to get back in the bed.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has viewed:

Winter. You get up, drink coffee and then it gets dark.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has copied:

The goal is never Gucci bags. It’s acres of land.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has shared:

I feel bad for those that don’t enjoy their own company. I be having a ball by myself.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has downloaded:

The 70s, 80s, and 90s were the best decades – so many memories, no evidence.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has copied:

Your nose is in the middle of your face because it is the scenter.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has downloaded:

Hope this email finds you moonwalking out of work early.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has shared:

Relationship status: he escaped.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on X:

Slowly I realize why Noah only took animals with him.

Seen just now on Facebook:

People who think naps are a waste of time obviously don’t understand how naps work.

Making waves on Reddit:

When I watch hockey, I pretend they’re fighting over the last Oreo.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

My favorite things about Twitter are that everything you read is true, everyone is nice, and all intentions are pure of heart.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Traumatized people will navigate emergency situations with calm surety but then have an anxiety attack in a grocery store.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

I will never understand people’s fascination with their ancestry, isn’t knowing your current family bad enough.

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

Of all the things to lose why couldn’t it have been my appetite and not my mind.

Freshly posted on Threads:

The minute I start feeling like a mother to a man, the relationship is over.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Cover letters are so embarrassing. Why am I writing a love letter to this shitty company?

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Answering your cell when you don’t recognize the number is like picking up a hitchhiker.

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Activity Log ✨

Not photogenic, but I probably look soooo good as a distant memory.

Ever since I was little, I always knew I wanted to retire.

There’ll be a time someone will convince you to watch Game of Thrones. It is very important that you listen to them and watch.

You look like you suck at Mario Kart.

Eating rice with my hands, but not in a political way. In a lazy, fat guy way.

Since emojis have been around, I finally have a rough idea of how women feel when they don’t know what to wear.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Not photogenic, but I probably look soooo good as a distant memory.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Ever since I was little, I always knew I wanted to retire.

There’ll be a time someone will convince you to watch Game of Thrones. It is very important that you listen to them and watch.

You look like you suck at Mario Kart.

I mostly choose to stay silent in weird situations but my face has subtitles.

Eating rice with my hands, but not in a political way. In a lazy, fat guy way.

Since emojis have been around, I finally have a rough idea of how women feel when they don’t know what to wear.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨