Wordgag 🎅

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇲 has copied:

If pigeons could talk, they would bum a cigarette.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has bookmarked:

Sorry, the deadline for complaints was yesterday.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has viewed:

If cats could send Christmas cards, they wouldn’t.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has downloaded:

Paw Patrol is just annoying. Exactly how long do dogs live again on average?

Someone from 🇳🇱 has copied:

I started my diet 2 hours ago, I’m glad that’s over.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has shared:

Welcome to your 40s: here’s an extra chin.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has viewed:

Just bought 4 pounds of cherries like I’m in some math problem.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has shared:

Can somebody explain to me why it’s bad if immigrants take our jobs, but it’s good if AI does?

Someone from 🇩🇰 has copied:

Gatekeeping how insanely handsome I am by looking like total shit all the time.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has shared:

If you want to know what God thinks of money, look at the people he gave it to.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

501 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,094

Funny Quotes Topics

17,246

Funny Quotes Images

15,094

Updated

Dec 22, 2025

Users Online

3,963

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Facebook:

The only squat I’m even considering doing today is diddly.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Imagine not sighing when you think about your life.

Just landed via Instagram:

I can’t believe the gall of this bladder.

Just landed via Slack:

I made a clone of myself to do the dishes, another to do the laundry, and another to do the cooking, but we’re all sitting on the couch watching TV.

Live now on Instagram:

Wolves are just dogs that nobody has called a “good boy” yet.

Live now on WhatsApp:

Out of Office: I am on vacation. Your emails will be forwarded nowhere to be read by no one. Good day.

Trending via TikTok:

When you want to feel at your thinnest, walk through Walmart at any time of day.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Old enough to know better. Young enough to do it anyway.

Going viral on Reddit:

As I’m cleaning my room, this is a friendly reminder that you actually don’t need that free t-shirt or tote bag from that event.

Going viral on TikTok:

The second cup of coffee does for me what a can of spinach does for Popeye.

More funny quotes 👇

Took my car to the mechanic because it was making a terrible noise. He removed the Mariah Carey Christmas CD, and now it’s fine.

3

19 hours ago

car, car repair, carey, cd, Christmas, Christmas CD, fine, holiday, holiday music, making, mariah, Mariah Carey, mechanic, music, noise, repair, terrible
I hate it when I do the math about where my money went, and it all adds up. No one robbed me; I didn’t lose it. It was really all me.

0

19 hours ago

budgeting, finance, hate, humor, i, lose, math, me, money, personal, personal finance, self blame, spending, where
December calories don’t count. That’s the law.

0

19 hours ago

calorie, count, December, diet, eating, festive, food, holiday, humor, indulgence, law
Eventually, kids get old enough to see which parent was the problem.

0

19 hours ago

childhood, enough, family, humor, kid, kids, old, parent, parenting, problem
It takes so much energy to go inside a Walmart.

0

19 hours ago

energy, exhaustion, humor, inside, much, retail, shopping, store, Walmart
Having a dirty mind and an innocent face is truly a blessing.

1

19 hours ago

blessing, contrast, dirty, dirty mind, face, having, humor, innocent, innocent face, mind, personality, truly
Too shy for influencing. Too dumb for crypto. Too honest for a scam. Too lazy for 9-5. How can I make money?

0

4 days ago

9-5, 9-5 job, 95, crypto, dumb, honesty, i, influencer, influencing, job, laziness, lazy, making, making money, money, scam, self-doubt, shy, shyness, too
People don’t hate working, they hate working and still being poor.

3

4 days ago

being, frustration, hate, humor, income, job, money, people, poor, poverty, still, work, working
No ChatGPT for me, thanks. I will be asking Liam Gallagher on Twitter.

1

4 days ago

asking, celebrity, ChatGPT, gallagher, humor, i, liam, Liam Gallagher, me, media, social, social media, thanks, Twitter
The money I made gradually, you need urgently?

1

4 days ago

finance, humor, i, money, need, patience, urgency

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎁🎅🎄 Christmas Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

11 shares on Threads this month:

I love to sleep, I wish I could get paid to sleep.

34 shares on Threads this month:

Spring is what we call the time in between complaining about the cold and complaining about the heat.

67 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Sign at the zoo says “don’t stick your hand in the alligator cage”. Thanks, but I’ll do my own research.

59 shares on Messenger this month:

Pet owners be like “this is my pet Snoopy, but their nicknames are Booboo and Thicky Boy!”

72 shares on Messenger this month:

No, I won’t be attending your seance, I barely want to talk to the living.

76 shares on TikTok this month:

Sitting on the middle seat of this flight and both my seatmates are reading my book over my shoulder. Should I just start reading it aloud?

50 shares on TikTok this month:

I haven’t given up on my fairy-tale ending. I still plan to be eaten by a wolf.

26 shares on Discord this month:

They should invent a customer service center that isn’t “currently experiencing higher than normal call volume”.

86 shares on Pinterest this month:

Hate when you’re trying to take a nap and the dentist is all “Please open your mouth.”

71 shares on Twitch this month:

By the time my CVS receipt finished printing, I was eligible for another prescription refill.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇴 has copied:

I like running because it’s cheaper than paying for a gym membership. If the gym wants the money I owe them, they’ll have to catch me.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has viewed:

I like people who can admit their mistakes and apologize. In other words, I like very few people.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has shared:

Do you ever cycle through the same 4 apps on your phone over and over again, and feel like a tiger pacing its cage at the zoo?

Someone from 🇳🇴 has shared:

We got our carpet cleaned today, so I’m just waiting for the dog to throw up.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has shared:

What have I done to deserve this? Oh yeah, right, I remember.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has copied:

I really think tossing and turning at night should be counted as exercise.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has copied:

Washing your face and water going down your elbow is so sickening.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has shared:

Who called it a Cybertruck and not a Deplorean?

Someone from 🇸🇷 has viewed:

Made the mistake of believing what I was told again.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has downloaded:

Toddlers: the brutally honest roommates nobody asked for!

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Slack:

My doctor told me to eat more Taco Bell. Well, he actually said “less McDonald’s”, but I’m pretty sure I know what he meant.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

That fight could’ve been an email.

Just landed via Threads:

I know it’s true because the people on the internet said so.

Trending via Pinterest:

Attempted to exercise this morning. Didn’t work out.

Shared recently on Discord:

Male barista called me “my love” yesterday and didn’t say it today… getting mixed signals and feeling really upset.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

She poured the milk before the cereal. It was not meant to be.

Breaking via Instagram:

The week before your period doesn’t make any sense… until you realize it’s the week before your period.

Trending via Snapchat:

May your life one day be as beautiful as you portray it on social media.

Going viral on Reddit:

If you’re going to text your boss that you’re an hour late, make sure you end with, “I’m bringing you a ham and cheese croissant.”

Trending via Instagram:

Remember when the most annoying thing about Twitter was trying to think of a shorter word.

Activity Log ✨

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨