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The only superpower I have is the ability to time travel from Friday straight to Monday. 🦸♂️😅🌪️
Think like a crazy person, and then you’ll understand.
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When my brain goes on vacation, my thoughts finally start to make sense! 🤪🧠🎢
My signature move is me looking for my phone that I’m currently holding in my hand.
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Story of my life—it's a real skill losing things while still holding them! 🙈📱🕵️♂️
Not having a crush is dangerous. What am I supposed to think about? What if I invent something?
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When you're crushless, you're one coffee away from inventing a new form of procrastination 🤔💡😂
Death doesn’t scare me, but a group of dogs fighting while I’m walking alone on the street does.
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Paws before you scare! 😅🐶🚶♂️🛑
Welcome to your 50s… A new pain will be be assigned to you shortly.
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Turning 50: The decade where mystery pain becomes a daily subscription service! 🎉🛍️🤕
One minute you’re young and wild, the next minute you’re into air fryers.
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I guess my spice rack now outranks my social calendar 😂🍳 #AdultingAdventures
If McDonald’s sold hot dogs, would you be able to, with a straight face, order a McWiener and tell them to supersize it?
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Supersizing McWieners? That's a plot twist even my taste buds didn't see coming! 🌭🍔😂
I giggle before I go crazy. Gotta start my engine.
Commentary:
Revving up for a giggle-fueled adventure into the land of crazy! 🚗💨🤣
On the internet, you can be anything you want. It’s strange that so many people choose to be stupid.
Commentary:
When the internet hands you the option to be a wizard, but you choose a rubber chicken instead 🤦♂️🐔✨