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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇬 has copied:

Life hack: give yourself 8 to 12 hours of alone time in the morning to mentally prepare for the day.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has viewed:

Someone from 🇬🇼 has copied:

If my fingers don’t motion like scissors snipping when I ask for a haircut at the salon, how will they know what I mean?

Someone from 🇧🇧 has viewed:

When life shuts a door, open it again. It’s a door. That’s how they work.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has copied:

They should invent harmless cigarettes for aura farming purposes.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has viewed:

“Just circling back on this.” – “Take another lap.”

Someone from 🇸🇲 has bookmarked:

All the stops on the bus are pointless, except the one I’m getting off at.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has viewed:

Having your own apartment by yourself is so funny, cause I really just swept the whole place naked.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has copied:

The male urge to tell you what business used to be located there back in his day.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has bookmarked:

Maybe hot chocolate wants to be called beautiful chocolate at least one time.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

238 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,507

Funny Quotes Topics

17,572

Funny Quotes Images

15,507

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,380

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Pinterest:

I accidentally poured vodka on my orange juice this morning. Twice.

Making waves on Threads:

My girlfriend just had a go at me for not glistening, whatever that is.

Freshly posted on Threads:

I’m a bit of a traditionalist, so on my birthday, I smear my body with embryonic fluid.

Just shared via Threads:

My soulmate is chocolate cake.

Making waves on Messenger:

Sorry, can’t. I’m too busy growing new neural pathways to make space for a stranger’s opinion. Evolution takes bandwidth, man.

Just shared via Discord:

I drink all this water and for what. Just to pee? This planet is a prison.

Just landed via X:

I need to get my shit together, but at this point, I’m waiting to see if the world is going to end before I put any real effort in.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

My body cracks like a glow stick every time I move, but refuses to light up.

Just landed via Twitch:

People said follow your dreams, so I went back to bed.

Breaking via Facebook:

You will meet a girl who is very strange and a little bit evil. It’s really important that you don’t lose me.

The dildo of consequences rarely arrives lubed.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Looks like consequences come unprepared—guess it's a no-lube situation! 😅🚫💦

adult, blunt, consequence, consequences, dildo, humor, irony, metaphor, risqué

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Not right now. I’m manifesting.

0

5 months ago

excuse, humor, manifesting, mindfulness, motivation, procrastination, right, self-care
It turns out, as you get older, you don’t actually figure anything out; you just don’t have any energy to care anymore.

0

2 months ago

actually, aging, aging humor, aging joke, anything, apathy, care, cynicism, energy, figure, humor, joke, just, life, life perspective, older, perspective, wisdom
Drink coffee, avoid idiots, read books and repeat.

0

2 months ago

avoid, avoid idiot, book, books, coffee, daily, daily routine, drink, humor, idiot, idiots, lifestyle, productivity, read, read book, repeat, routine, self-care
I’d trust a groundhog over a weatherman any day.

0

2 months ago

day, Groundhog, humor, ID, nature, over, prediction, trust, weather, weatherman
What is that job called where you put the little stickers on fruit? I think I would be good at that.

0

2 months ago

fruit, fruit labeling, good, humor, i, job, labeling, lighthearted, little, put, quirky, quirky job, self-assessment, stickers, think, where
Burger King implies the existence of an entire burger based feudal system.

0

2 months ago

burger, Burger King, existence, fast, fast food, feudal, feudal system, food, food joke, humor, joke, king, monarchy, satire, system

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

77 shares on TikTok this month:

Thought you guys should know this was only Monday. It’s also still Monday.

46 shares on Facebook this month:

Saturday Night Fever, but it’s just me yelling, “Five, six, seven, eight!” while my cat lies down and refuses to participate.

51 shares on Discord this month:

“Try it all before you die” is always drugs and sex, never quantum physics.

27 shares on Facebook this month:

Sometimes I need a break from myself but it’s like, ugh, everywhere I go there I am.

60 shares on Pinterest this month:

Grocery shopping before Christmas is a nightmare. My milk expired while I was waiting in line.

18 shares on X this month:

People who like sweet potato fries can’t be taken seriously and deserve shame and ridicule.

25 shares on WeChat this month:

Did 900 crunches today. It was a bag of Cheetos, but still.

65 shares on YouTube this month:

Take my advice, I’m not using it.

45 shares on Instagram this month:

“It’s not that deep!” Well, I have a shovel and I enjoy digging for meaning.

32 shares on Discord this month:

College is not even mentioned once in the Bible. Somebody get me outta here.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇪 has downloaded:

I just want a man to look at me the way Doc from ‘Back to the Future’ looks when something exciting happens.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has viewed:

The only difference between hungry and horny is where you insert the cucumber.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has bookmarked:

Notice how Lorde has a song called “Tennis Court” and not “Pickleball Court”? Tired of y’all pushing that fake sport.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has downloaded:

Dying and being reincarnated as a beetle, and crawling to my old body’s grave, and digging down and living in my old ribcage.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has viewed:

I can’t afford a vehicle with wing doors, so I buy the Tupperware with lids which open that way.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has downloaded:

Everybody is fighting a battle that you don’t know about, because of the first rule of Fight Club.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has copied:

Ugh, he wants to go hiking as a first date, just like Hitler.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has viewed:

Washing your face is actually multitasking because you are also washing your hands and forearms and shirt and countertop and feet and floor and hair.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has copied:

When you think about it, Jesus really accomplished a lot in the four months between Christmas and Easter.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has shared:

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Slack:

I bring a sort of “this isn’t actually urgent” vibe to the workplace that managers don’t like.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Do you laugh at your own jokes, or are you emotionally stable?

Spotted on Threads:

Had an interview today, and my belly rumbled. The lady goes, “Missed lunch?” I told her, “Nah, I’m hungry for success!”

Just landed via X:

Does anyone know if it’s possible to buy the transcripts of audiobooks? Thanks!

Spotted on Discord:

You don’t use a semicolons correctly; you use a semicolon confidently.

Making waves on WeChat:

Nothing prepares you for the day you wake up and realize you have a favorite cardigan.

Broadcasted on Threads:

Due to unforeskin circumcistances …

Seen just now on Threads:

None of the parenting books say what to do when your kids start calling you ‘Bruh.’

Just shared via TikTok:

Pinterest is so therapeutic. There’s no drama, no one to argue with. Just pretty pictures.

Just landed via Instagram:

It’s important to set an alarm the first day of school, so you remember to pick up the kids.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

The dildo of consequences rarely arrives lubed.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Not right now. I’m manifesting.

It turns out, as you get older, you don’t actually figure anything out; you just don’t have any energy to care anymore.

Drink coffee, avoid idiots, read books and repeat.

I’d trust a groundhog over a weatherman any day.

What is that job called where you put the little stickers on fruit? I think I would be good at that.

Burger King implies the existence of an entire burger based feudal system.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨