Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇳 has downloaded:

I don’t get mad anymore. I’m just like “again?” Ok then.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has shared:

I’m sorry I said “I look forward to working with you” during our wedding vows.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has copied:

Now that I’m in my mid-forties, I think I’ll take up parkour.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has shared:

Asking the birds outside my window if they know any Metallica.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has copied:

I have been putting a lot of thought into it, and I just don’t think being an adult is going to work for me.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has viewed:

You gotta separate the art from the artist. Like, for example, sometimes the artist is really nice but their art sucks.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has copied:

All quiet on the frontal lobe.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has bookmarked:

Screaming into the abyss has lost some of its effectiveness, if I’m being honest.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has downloaded:

Babe, are you okay? You haven’t touched your dark humor all day.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has shared:

Just got sacked from my job at a think tank for thinking about donuts.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,643

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on YouTube:

The females who don’t go through phones will definitely find out through dreams.

Spotted on WeChat:

Not to brag, but I finished an entire book in one sitting. I’m going to need some new crayons.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

I told a joke during a Zoom meeting today. Nobody laughed. It turns out I’m not even remotely funny.

Breaking via Threads:

Remembering my youth, and a time where I could breath out of more than one nostril at once.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Back in the good old days, we didn’t have to trim our toenails, they just got wore down naturally from running from dinosaurs.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

If you think you’re going to be in a dangerous situation, dress accordingly. Don’t wear flip-flops to a bank robbery, for example.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

I wasn’t feeling well so I googled my symptoms. I either have allergies or I died two days ago.

Shared recently on TikTok:

I need to eat healthier but donuts exist.

Spotted on Threads:

What doesn’t kill you makes you weird at intimacy.

Going bananas on Messenger:

“Delusional” ain’t a strong enough word to describe people anymore.

The miracle of DoorDash is that I just pick up my phone, punch a few things into it, and within half an hour I have, at my door, a $52 salad.

4 weeks ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
When your salad has more frequent flyer miles than you do 🥗💸✈️

convenience, delivery, door, DoorDash, food, food delivery, half, hour, humor, i, just, miracle, phone, pick, punch, salad, spending, technology, things

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I only look up to people that are taller than me and really that’s about the extent of it.

0

2 months ago

attitude, ego, height, humor, i, me, only, people, perspective, sarcasm, self-deprecating, taller
I’m not always a couch potato. For instance, right now I’m a chair potato, and later I’ll be a bed potato.

0

5 months ago

always, bed, bed potato, chair, chair potato, couch, couch potato, humor, later, laziness, potato, relaxation, right
When I’m drafting a legal document, I’ll sprinkle the word “herein” all over that thing like it’s paprika.

0

2 months ago

document, drafting, herein, humor, jargon, legal, legal document, legal jargon, over, paprika, thing, word, wordplay, writing
Wiping my hands on my pants before I’m shaking someone’s hand, so they spend the rest of the day wondering what I just touched.

0

2 months ago

awkward, awkward moment, before, behavior, day, funny behavior, hand, hands, handshake, humor, i, just, moment, pants, prank, rest, shaking, social, spend, touch, wipe
Getting mad at your hair is a whole different kind of angry.

0

2 months ago

anger, angry, attitude, different, emotion, frustration, getting, hair, humor, kind, mad, mood, whole
So much anger in this small little body. I feel like a chihuahua.

0

4 months ago

anger, body, chihuahua, feel, frustration, humor, i, little, much, personality, pet, small, small body

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

23 shares on WeChat this month:

I want a restraining order on everyone who doesn’t wear deodorant.

68 shares on TikTok this month:

I know I just ate a snack, but I could really use a snack.

34 shares on Twitch this month:

Before I had kids I was only vaguely aware that Saturday had a 7am.

54 shares on Reddit this month:

Mario Kart turned out to be the best training for winter driving.

90 shares on Twitch this month:

I like work; it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.

59 shares on Threads this month:

A spiral is just a circle that’s afraid of closure.

62 shares on WhatsApp this month:

When someone asks me what my dream job is, it’s just like “I don’t know dude, I don’t dream about jobs”

16 shares on X this month:

Tech enthusiasts: My entire house is smart. Tech workers: The only piece of technology in my house is a printer, and I keep a gun next to it so I can shoot it if it makes a noise I don’t recognize.

60 shares on Snapchat this month:

Can you imagine how hot I’d be if I ate right and took care of my body? I’m not gonna do it, but can you imagine?

53 shares on WhatsApp this month:

When is this robot army coming to take my job?

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇬 has downloaded:

The difference between coffee and your opinion is that I asked for coffee.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has copied:

Sticking googly eyes on a potato and introducing him to everyone as my new boyfriend.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has shared:

If a door closes, I’m just going to open it again.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has copied:

Career anxiety hitting at random hours of the day.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has bookmarked:

I think God’s next test for me should be, “Can he handle a ridiculous amount of money.”

Someone from 🇳🇿 has copied:

It’s amazing, when it’s your birthday you really feel the love from family, friends, lovers, former dentists, yoga studios and various smootheries.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has bookmarked:

Sometimes I feel useless but then I remember I breath out carbon dioxide for plants.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has shared:

I’m quitting my job to do topless tarot readings on the beach.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has shared:

For as long as that song was, you’d think the Ghost Busters would have mentioned their phone number at least once.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has viewed:

Last year I had no valentine, this year I also have no valentine. Consistency!

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

The people that ask Grok everything are the same people that follow Google Map directions straight into a lake.

Just landed via Snapchat:

Talking to animals doesn’t make you crazy, hearing them talk back does.

Spotted on Threads:

Due to personal reasons, I will be screaming into a pillow.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Being single for Valentine’s Day is way better than being in the wrong relationship.

Just shared via Threads:

Ohhh, I just realised you can change your facial expression. I was just doing the one.

Trending via Telegram:

Gravestone inscription: “Hey guys, I’m going to be taking a little break from social media”

Spreading quickly via Slack:

Hobbies include fake smiling while waiting for people to stop talking.

Just shared via Telegram:

Everything is dishwasher safe if you don’t care enough about it.

Going bananas on X:

The real flex is how many wounds you can turn into wisdom.

Breaking via Snapchat:

For Halloween, you should be mine.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

The miracle of DoorDash is that I just pick up my phone, punch a few things into it, and within half an hour I have, at my door, a $52 salad.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I only look up to people that are taller than me and really that’s about the extent of it.

I’m not always a couch potato. For instance, right now I’m a chair potato, and later I’ll be a bed potato.

When I’m drafting a legal document, I’ll sprinkle the word “herein” all over that thing like it’s paprika.

Wiping my hands on my pants before I’m shaking someone’s hand, so they spend the rest of the day wondering what I just touched.

Getting mad at your hair is a whole different kind of angry.

So much anger in this small little body. I feel like a chihuahua.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨