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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇰 has shared:

They won’t teach you this in school, but life is all about going to weird little diners.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has bookmarked:

Can someone write me a note to get out of being a responsible adult?

Someone from 🇲🇭 has copied:

Hell hath no fury like a toddler getting his nose wiped.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has viewed:

Instead of calling it the John I’m going to start calling my bathroom the Jim. That way I can say I go to the Jim every morning.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has bookmarked:

Wow, I absolutely love your outfit. The black really brings out the pet hair on it.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has shared:

Don’t study, get slutty!

Someone from 🇳🇿 has bookmarked:

Parents be like “Boys are easier,” and then their daughter has to save the family from ruin.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has downloaded:

Doctor said I am terminally chill.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has viewed:

Luckily, I realized that all this love I want to pour into someone else was actually meant for me.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has copied:

Do you think birds, once they get older, start people-watching?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,601

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Did anyone ask the daylight if it wanted to be saved?

Just landed via Reddit:

Told my boss I was going to the bathroom but didn’t say which one. Now I’m at home.

Spotted on Instagram:

I told all my neighbors that I have a twin, so that when I see them in public I don’t have to talk to them.

Going viral on Snapchat:

I think some outfits just aren’t meant to be worn unless you’re getting straight into a car.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Telling my coworkers I can’t talk in meetings today because I need to save my voice for concerts this weekend.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Do you want to sit on the porch with me until we die or not?

Live now on X:

Randomly hearing your favorite song is more satisfying than putting it on yourself.

Just landed via YouTube:

Sitting in an antique chair is weird, like this thing has seen so many butts.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Coffee doesn’t even work on me anymore. I just drink it because the taste tricks my brain into thinking I’m a functioning adult.

Breaking via WeChat:

If you ask him what he admires most about a woman and he says brains, you’ve got yourself a zombie.

Your Majesty” would be the best name for a cat.

5 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Why stop at "Your Majesty"? I call mine "Your Royal Napness" because all they do is rule the kingdom of Dreamland. 😺👑💤

best, cat, humor, name, pet, pet name, royalty

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

‘Tis the season to wrap objects in colorful paper with the fine motor skills of a T-Rex.

0

2 months ago

fine, fine motor skills, gift, gift wrapping, holiday, humor, motor, objects, paper, season, skills, T-Rex, wrap, wrapping
Don’t tell me about Stockholm Syndrome, I woke up at 6 AM on my first day of vacation wondering how things were going at work.

0

2 months ago

am, day, early, early morning, expectations, humor, i, irony, me, morning, relaxation, stockholm, Stockholm Syndrome, stress, syndrome, tell, things, vacation, work
I’m an adult. I can do whatever I want. And yet, here I am just doing laundry, eating salads, taking antidepressants, flossing my teeth, and going on little walks. Like an IDIOT.

0

3 weeks ago

adult, am, antidepressant, doing, eating, floss, flossing, going, here, humor, i, idiot, irony, just, laundry, little, responsibility, salad, self-care, taking, teeth, walk, walks, want, whatever
“I’ll worry about it next time.” Me pissing off future me.

0

2 months ago

future, humor, me, next, pissing, problem, procrastination, self, time, worry
Get married and have kids so that you can Google things like “How to teach your kid to not bite”.

0

2 months ago

advice, behavior, bite, child, child behavior, Google, humor, kid, kids, marriage, married, parenting, teach, things
Why did Star Wars Episodes 4, 5 & 6 come out before 1,2 & 3? Because in charge of directing, Yoda was.

0

2 months ago

12, 3, 4, before, charge, comedy, directing, episodes, films, humor, movie, movie order, order, sci-fi, star, Star Wars, wars, Yoda

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

34 shares on Snapchat this month:

The dumbest people have the loudest opinions on politics.

27 shares on Threads this month:

Job applications are so stupid. “What’s your desired salary?” Ten billion dollars. Next question.

94 shares on TikTok this month:

Jane Austen gave us men who crossed fields in the rain. Mine left me on read, and liked someone else’s story.

70 shares on Twitch this month:

May your coffee kick in, before reality does.

38 shares on Discord this month:

Sometimes you choose the GIF-war over your responsibilities.

51 shares on Instagram this month:

Unemployed folks always have esoteric knowledge, for some reason.

14 shares on Messenger this month:

I like to minimize the disappointment by being myself right from the start.

21 shares on TikTok this month:

Me pulling into a full parking lot: Don’t these people have homes?

81 shares on X this month:

That one unemployed roommate who gets a package every day.

16 shares on Snapchat this month:

I would love to change the world, but they won’t give me the source code.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇷 has shared:

You ever been in the middle of a conversation and realized this is why you avoid people?

Someone from 🇧🇪 has shared:

This book ain’t got no pictures.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has shared:

Eating wings is the opposite of flying.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has shared:

Maybe in another life, I’m a spoiled nepo baby — jobless and doing nothing but shopping all day with my equally nepotised friends.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has copied:

When your parents are on a call and they ask for a pen, man, that pressure is real.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has bookmarked:

Good morning, dickhead, your little ray of sarcastic sunshine has arrived.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has bookmarked:

I hate interviewing. Just hire me. I stand on business, for real.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has bookmarked:

Nose so runny it just signed me up for a 10k.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has downloaded:

Introverts don’t recharge with sleep, we recharge by being left completely alone for 3–5 business days.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has copied:

I took your advice and worked smarter not harder. Now I’m going to need your advice on a good lawyer.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via X:

I wish I had the confidence of someone who would let themselves be tattooed in a place they can’t see.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Your Majesty” would be the best name for a cat.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

‘Tis the season to wrap objects in colorful paper with the fine motor skills of a T-Rex.

Don’t tell me about Stockholm Syndrome, I woke up at 6 AM on my first day of vacation wondering how things were going at work.

I’m an adult. I can do whatever I want. And yet, here I am just doing laundry, eating salads, taking antidepressants, flossing my teeth, and going on little walks. Like an IDIOT.

“I’ll worry about it next time.” Me pissing off future me.

Get married and have kids so that you can Google things like “How to teach your kid to not bite”.

Why did Star Wars Episodes 4, 5 & 6 come out before 1,2 & 3? Because in charge of directing, Yoda was.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨