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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇺🇿 has viewed:

The true horror genre: my old Facebook statuses.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has downloaded:

The feelings I have for Tom Cruise are the closest approximation I have to what patriotism must feel like.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has copied:

“Are you dating anyone?” I close my eyes when I walk past mirrors.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has bookmarked:

So, you’re telling me I’m just supposed to get up every day and keep living like this? Seems like a scam to me.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has viewed:

No one declines an incoming call faster than a 3-year-old watching YouTube.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has viewed:

Where do I see myself in 5 years? I don’t even know where I am right now.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has viewed:

Sleeping in now means waking up without the alarm clock, but still at the same time.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has shared:

I’m not shaking hands anymore. You may bow or kneel down.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has viewed:

Being too stressed isn’t good for the baby. I’m not pregnant though, it’s just that I’m the baby.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has copied:

I do not care how bad the relationship is, I am NOT calling a radio station for advice.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,475

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Slack:

Living alone is so dumb, you’ll be asking your pets if they’ve seen your phone, and those lazy bastards never know.

Spotted on YouTube:

I wonder if that football guy will be at the Taylor Swift game again today.

Spotted on Telegram:

Do we lazy people actually go to heaven? Or are we being picked up?

Trending via Twitch:

My dream DUI is driving a Saab through the Great British Bake Off tent.

Seen just now on YouTube:

America is truly the best country in the world at not learning from their mistakes.

Just shared via Snapchat:

If you ever get locked out of your house, talk to your lock calmly. Because communication is key.

Shared recently on Messenger:

This going into the office stuff blows. Like, I seriously have to wear clothes now.

Just shared via Facebook:

I become the most financially irresponsible person in the world the second I step into a Japanese stationary store.

Just shared via Instagram:

US etiquette question: Do you need to tip the guy at the border who reads your last five years of social media history?

Trending via Telegram:

That moment your alarm clock goes off in the morning and you don’t know whether to get dressed or fake an illness.

Adding lol to things is good feng shui.

1 day ago

Funny Quotes

Witty quote about positivity with a playful take on feng shui and internet slang.

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Commentary:
Balancing my energy one "lol" at a time! 😆🔮✨

communication, feng, Feng Shui, good, humor, internet, internet slang, lol, shui, slang, things

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Sex is cool, but have you ever had garlic bread?

2 weeks ago

bread, cool, ever, food, garlic, garlic bread, humor, preference, relationship, sex
“Some things are better left unsaid,” I think to myself immediately after I hit send.

2 days ago

after, better, communication, confession, hit, humor, i, left, media, message, mistake, myself, regret, self-talk, send, social, social media, texting, things, think, unsaid
Why do fruit flies be everywhere but at the supermarket? Ain’t that like their Golden Corral?

2 weeks ago

corral, everywhere, fly, food, food place, fruit, fruit fly, funny observation, golden, Golden Corral, humor, insect, observation, place, supermarket, why
I’m not always annoying, sometimes I sleep too.

5 days ago

annoying, humor, i, irony, personality, sleep
Nice to finally get back that hour they stole earlier this year.

1 week ago

back, change, daylight, daylight saving, earlier, hour, humor, joke, nice, sarcasm, saving, stole, theft, time, year
I love hard, but I stupid harder.

4 days ago

emotion, exaggeration, hard, harder, humor, i, love, relationship, self-deprecating, stupid, wit

Funny Quotes Collections

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Social Media Stars ⭐

59 shares on Snapchat this month:

Turning to the person next to me and saying “thanks for nothing” as I get off the train.

97 shares on Instagram this month:

We have decided to sell the house. How long do you think it will take for our landlord to find out?

50 shares on Facebook this month:

According to my kids’ Christmas lists, they think this parenting gig pays pretty well.

72 shares on WhatsApp this month:

My OnlyFans is just me loading the dishwasher correctly.

70 shares on Snapchat this month:

If I had known how much care balcony plants need, I could have stopped taking the pill.

89 shares on Instagram this month:

Santa punched a hole in my wall because I left him soy milk.

23 shares on Reddit this month:

Twitter is the black sheep of the web, always in the corner, loudly arguing with itself.

36 shares on X this month:

The fatigue is reaching levels that shouldn’t even be possible.

50 shares on Telegram this month:

My laptop is overheating because I am doing a really good job.

87 shares on Snapchat this month:

What are some fun beginner crimes for someone getting into lawlessness?

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇦 has bookmarked:

Psych meds aren’t enough anymore. Hit me with a shovel.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has bookmarked:

The highlight of my weekends is slipping into something more comfortable and putting my feet up.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has viewed:

I have a date and nothing to wear. Or as Nietzsche said: If you stare into a closet long enough, the closet stares back at you.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has copied:

Ironically people who are good at giving advice find it difficult to follow their own.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has copied:

Apologies for the delays. The suitcase smashing machine has broken down, so we’re having to smash suitcases by hand.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has bookmarked:

Which one of you shrunk all of my jeans?

Someone from 🇧🇿 has bookmarked:

Nothing hurts more than someone not getting your joke.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has shared:

I learn from the mistakes of people who took my advice.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has bookmarked:

Why are so many people going everywhere whenever I have to go anywhere?

Someone from 🇲🇷 has bookmarked:

My dog sure does give a lot of side eye for someone without a job.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on YouTube:

Your email finds me deeply unwell. Teetering on the edge really.

Seen just now on Facebook:

I hate when I’m typing away, expecting autocorrect to have my back, and I look down and just see awjdbdmkskan.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Dearest, I beg of you, sleep properly and go for walks.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Welcome to your 50’s. Your doctor and pharmacist are both in your contacts now.

Just shared via Pinterest:

You think you’re your own worst critic? Just wait till you have kids.

Seen just now on Facebook:

For years I thought an oncologist was just the doctor they kept on-call at all times.

Going viral on Pinterest:

“Thank you for choosing Amtrak.” No problem. There are no other trains.

Just landed via Snapchat:

I feel like this holiday season, it’s important to remind people of the true meaning of Christmas: ghosts terrorizing rich people in the middle of the night until they agree to pay their employees more.

Just shared via Messenger:

Horoscope: You will give blood generously this week, but it won’t be your idea.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

I don’t wanna start the year with any negativity so if you and I have had issues in the past, apologize to me immediately.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Adding lol to things is good feng shui.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Sex is cool, but have you ever had garlic bread?

“Some things are better left unsaid,” I think to myself immediately after I hit send.

Why do fruit flies be everywhere but at the supermarket? Ain’t that like their Golden Corral?

I’m not always annoying, sometimes I sleep too.

Nice to finally get back that hour they stole earlier this year.

I love hard, but I stupid harder.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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