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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇴 has shared:

Just got sacked from my job at a think tank for thinking about donuts.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has shared:

There is no physiological reason to yell when you sneeze. People who do that are simply weak and rude.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has shared:

Kid, I have jeans older than you.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has viewed:

Apple want $3,500 for their Vision Pro. No thanks. I can look like a dork for free.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has downloaded:

Before you just FaceTime me randomly, please don’t.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has copied:

Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has copied:

It’s amazing to think that a Penguin wrote all of those classic books.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has copied:

If you’re a mad scientist, put a note in your laboratory reminding you to sometimes be a happy scientist.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has viewed:

I’m not lazy, I just really enjoy doing nothing.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has downloaded:

At the club asking for Ibuprofen.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Dec 31, 2025

3,358

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on TikTok:

That uncle who kept his distance from the rest of the family will start making more sense to you as you get older.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

I’ve just told my doctor I have all the Monkey Pox symptoms. He asked me to swing by tomorrow.

Trending via TikTok:

Calling the police when someone unfollows.

Trending via X:

Our pronunciation of the word “colonel” does feel like group psychosis.

Shared recently on Facebook:

I dunno what I did in a past life but holy crap I’m sorry.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

I love having plans to cancel.

Making waves on X:

I need carpenters to remember that beds are also for sex. The aesthetics are great and all, but what is with all the squeaking?

Seen just now on X:

I would love to have children one day. Two days maximum.

Live now on Discord:

So excited to go to bed and have the worst sleep of my life, and wake up exhausted and aching.

Going bananas on Twitch:

Sorry, I don’t think I can hang out this weekend, my 4-year-old is still telling a joke.

Don’t invite me places. I was cesarean. I didn’t want to come out then and I certainly don’t want to now.

2 months ago

0

Don’t invite me places. I was cesarean. I didn’t want to come out then and I certainly don’t want to now.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Sorry, I only attend events by special delivery! 🤣 Avoiding social gatherings like a champ since day one. 🎉 #BirthStoryOfTheYear"

cesarean, coming, coming out, event, humor, i, introvert, invitation, invite, me, places, reluctance, social, social event, want

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

When a man likes you, he talks to you every day, and apparently, when you start to like him back, he is very busy and can’t talk at all. That’s how it works.

0

4 months ago

apparently, back, busy, communication, dating, day, every, humor, irony, likes, man, relationship, start, talk, works
‘Blinded by the Light’ is really just a song about turning the bathroom light on in the middle of the night.

0

2 months ago

bathroom, humor, just, light, middle, night, song, turning, turning on light
My new pajamas have no pockets. I don’t want to hear your problems.

0

2 months ago

comfort, hear, humor, i, joke, new, pajama, pajamas, pockets, privacy, problems, sarcasm, want
Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods. Cats have never forgotten this.

0

2 months ago

ancient, cat, cats, God, history, humor, memory, never, pride, worship
Weekends are getting shorter and shorter. You blink and it’s already Sunday 5pm.

0

2 months ago

5pm, blink, getting, humor, relaxation, short, shorter, Sunday, time, weekend
They should make a separate airport for people who know how to act like they’ve been out in public before.

0

2 months ago

act, airport, before, behavior, etiquette, humor, know, people, public, should, travel

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

63 shares on Instagram this month:

Got a new Roomba but keeping the old one to see if I can get them to fight.

65 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I do block people right away; you’re not going to stress me out on my own phone, with my own internet, and in my own house.

84 shares on Pinterest this month:

One of the voices in my head brought up an excellent point, so obviously he had to go.

40 shares on X this month:

Maybe if we paid our streaming services even more, they could stop jacking up the volume on the commercials they make us watch, even though we are paying for the service.

65 shares on X this month:

It’s a little ironic when you consider that the Internet was invented to save time.

66 shares on Instagram this month:

Don’t interrupt me while I’m embarrassing myself.

55 shares on Discord this month:

Do you remember when you looked through binoculars upside down and everyone was really far away? That was nice.

81 shares on Threads this month:

Did you guys know that you can actually do whatever you want all the time?

78 shares on X this month:

Why does the dentist have to take an x-ray of my teeth? They right there, bro!

29 shares on Slack this month:

It’s strange that watching paint dry is considered boring but going to an art gallery is considered interesting. That’s just watching paint that’s already dry.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Always do sober what you said you’d do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

As a simulation, this all kinda sucks.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

My daughter’s morning alarm is less to wake her up, and more to warn the rest of us.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

My girlfriend wants us to try couples counseling and I said we should use my therapist because he already knows what’s wrong with her.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t mean to disrupt the hotel industry, but how about checkout is 24 hours after you check in?

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Cancelling a date so I can order pizza and go to bed at 8:30 p.m.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Unfortunately most of my sex noises come from trying to get out of bed.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

If trees offered Wi-Fi, we would plant more of them. Too bad they only produce this oxygen thing.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

You don’t need fun to have alcohol.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

The only thing faster than an escalator is an escasooner.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,287

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇦 has bookmarked:

My parents told me Santa wasn’t real when I was 16. Jokes on them, because I’m at the mall right now, and guess who’s here.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has viewed:

A drone, but for seeing which fast food drive-thrus have the shortest line.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has shared:

I once had a psychic girlfriend, she left me before we met.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has copied:

Some things are better left unsaid, which I certainly realize, right after I say them.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has downloaded:

I used to think money is everything. I still think money is everything.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has bookmarked:

For a guy supposedly called my “brother,” I’ve never seen him make broth even once.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has copied:

Why are they called “grammar Nazis” and not “the Gestypo”?

Someone from 🇬🇳 has shared:

My ex said I had commitment issues but this giant jar of Nutella says otherwise.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has copied:

I don’t hold grudges. I just remember facts very aggressively.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has downloaded:

Start every phone call with “My battery is at 5%” so you can hang up whenever you want.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Pinterest:

I could have been the favorite mistress of the Sun King at Versailles, but nooooooooo I had to be born into late stage capitalism.

Broadcasted on X:

The Netflix “Recommended For You” list is why I have trust issues.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

I love when my grandma texts me — because I know it took her an hour.

Breaking via Reddit:

I have lots of hidden talents. The problem is, even I can’t find them.

Making waves on Discord:

My doctor told me to eat more Taco Bell. Well, he actually said “less McDonald’s”, but I’m pretty sure I know what he meant.

Breaking via YouTube:

Me, first week as a volunteer firefighter thinking we only rescue cats: We’re going where?

Live now on Slack:

“I’m doing better than my parents at my age. They had, like, no followers.”

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Anyone else think it’s weird how cancer kills more people than any other astrological sign.

Trending via Pinterest:

You ever go to a baseball game and hear a guy yelling, “hot dogs! hot dogs!” over and over again? That’s me, looking for hot dogs.

Just landed via WeChat:

I know Jesus was a carpenter, but I think he would’ve been a better plumber, you know, with the water thing.

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