From now on, I’m gonna tell guests that I made my house especially messy just for their visit. It was hard, but I got it done.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has downloaded:

It’s crazy that things have got to a point where you can say, “Jurassic Park 3 is one of the better movies in the series.”

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Do you ever restart the dryer because you don’t feel like folding the clothes yet?

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I don’t know about you guys, but when I have to make a decision I analyze the situation, evaluate the risk, take measures to limit the consequences and then I completely screw up.

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Home: Where I can look ugly and not care.

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Ponytails are only hot on women, bro.

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Got thrown out of the grocery store for holding a rotisserie chicken up like Simba again.

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Thinking about writing my own eulogy because I don’t want my loved ones to say I’m a control freak.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has viewed:

If I get rid of social media, how will I know what everyone ate for dinner?

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Aliens: We are here to take over. Me: Thank God.

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People watching you so close, you’d think you were a Netflix series.