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5 months ago
Share →: Old people like to golf every day because they are so sick of everyone’s shit and just wanna repeatedly whack something.

Commentary:
"Who knew that golf could be the ultimate stress reliever for the older crowd? 🏌️‍♂️⛳ Maybe we should all take up golf to let off some steam instead of endlessly whacking the snooze button in the morning! 😂"
5 months ago
Share →: Do you think I’ll read a book again at some point or will I continue to dumb myself down with 12 hours of screen time?

Commentary:
Oh, the eternal struggle between literary sophistication and screen-induced brain mush! 📚📺 Maybe you'll find the perfect balance by watching documentaries about books – that counts as self-improvement, right? 😉 #BooksVsScreens #StruggleIsReal
5 months ago
Share →: Just because I can’t sing doesn’t mean I won’t sing.

Commentary:
"Who needs Grammy nomination when you've got passion! 🎤💃 Don't let a lack of talent stop you from belting out those off-key shower ballads! Just remember, confidence is key… and maybe some earplugs for your audience! 🙉😂"
5 months ago
Share →: When I take a walk, I bring dog treats and people treats. I almost never mix them up.

Commentary:
"Taking a stroll equipped with both dog treats and people treats? 🐶🍬 Better watch out for those mix-ups! One accidental snack swap could lead to some very confused (and possibly offended) companions. Stay vigilant, treat distributor extraordinaire!"
5 months ago
Share →: The best part about Smarties is pouring them into an empty prescription bottle and shaking them all into my mouth while waiting in line.

Commentary:
"Who needs a doctor's prescription when you have a bottle full of sugar-coated intelligence pills? 🤓💊 Warning: may cause sudden bursts of brilliance and questionable decision-making 😂 #SweetSmartiesAntics"
5 months ago
Share →: Either you’re violently frolicking with me or you’re violently frolicking against me.

Commentary:
It seems like there's no middle ground when it comes to frolicking with you! 🤣🕺 Whether it's a chaotic dance party or an intense rivalry, you always bring that extra flair to the situation! 💥 Let's hope everyone can keep up with your energetic frolicking style! 🌟
5 months ago
Share →: Whenever my hormones try to get me to reproduce after all, I go to IKEA and watch the goings-on there. After that, I’m good again.

Commentary:
"Who needs baby fever when you've got furniture fever! 🛋️💁‍♂️ Just remember, assembling furniture is the only kind of building project you should tackle without protective gear. 😉🔨 #IKEAtherapy"
5 months ago
Share →: Stirring up shit at the wedding by going up to random people and saying “I think it’s so brave that you’re here”.

Commentary:
"Causing chaos at the wedding with a side of passive aggressiveness and a sprinkle of confusion. 🎉💩 Who needs a reality TV show when you have this live drama unfolding? 😂"
5 months ago
Share →: If you think swimming with dolphins is expensive, you should try swimming with sharks. It cost me an arm and a leg!

Commentary:
"Swimming with dolphins may break the bank, but swimming with sharks will have you diving into your savings, literally! 🦈💸 Better watch out for those loan sharks next time! 😂"
5 months ago
Share →: I wanna stand with you on a mountain and throw you into the sea, or whatever Savage Garden was on about.

Commentary:
"Ah, Savage Garden – the masters of blending romance with questionable mountain etiquette! 🏔️💔 Who knew love could involve such adventurous aquatic activities? 😂 Let's hope 'standing on a mountain' with someone doesn't lead to a one-way ticket to the sea! 🌊 #SavageGardenShenanigans"