346 Funny am quotes

• Girls take a picture of their legs in a bubble bath and say “guess where I am”. The library?

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  3 weeks ago

  am, bath, bubble, bubble bath, girls, guess, humor, i, irony, legs, library, media, picture, say, social, social media, take, where

• I am such a fun person and so easy to get along with as long as the layout I have secretly imagined for the entire day goes exactly as I planned it without variation or interruption.

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  3 weeks ago

  along, am, day, easy, exactly, expectations, fun, fun person, humor, i, imagination, interruption, layout, person, planned, planning, variation

• My boss wants me to train some other employees so it’s pretty obvious he has no idea I am completely incompetent.

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  3 weeks ago

  am, boss, employees, humor, i, idea, incompetent, irony, job, management, me, obvious, pretty, train, wants, workplace

• If I were Juliet, I would NOT be pleased to find a man standing under my balcony at midnight. Sir, I am in my jim-jams.

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  3 weeks ago

  am, balcony, expectations, humor, i, jim-jams, Juliet, man, midnight, romance, sir, sleepwear, standing, surprise, under

• Hey, sorry I cant make it tonight. I am beset on all sides by foes.

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  3 weeks ago

  am, beset, excuse, foe, funny statement, humor, i, night, sides, sorry, statement, tonight

• I talk to myself mostly because I am an excellent listener.

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  3 weeks ago

  am, conversation, excellent, humor, i, listener, myself, self-talk, talk

• So far, no one has seriously tried to bribe me, which is a shame because I am extremely corrupt. Maybe I need a position with more power.

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  3 weeks ago

  am, bribe, corrupt, humor, i, joke, maybe, me, need, politics, position, power, seriously, shame, tried

• Shout-out to my embarrassingly squeaky ass bed frame that makes me sound more popular than I actually am to my neighbors.

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  3 weeks ago

  actually, am, ass, awkwardness, bed, bed frame, embarrassment, frame, i, me, neighbors, popularity, shoutout, sound, squeaky

• Thanks for your email! Unfortunately, I have filled my pockets with stones and am making my way to the sea.

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  3 weeks ago

  absurdity, am, email, escape, filled, funny response, humor, i, making, message, pockets, procrastination, response, sea, stones, thanks, unfortunately

• Cover letters are so embarrassing. Why am I writing a love letter to this shitty company?

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  3 weeks ago

  am, application, company, cover, cover letter, embarrassing, humor, i, irony, job, job application, letter, letters, love, love letter, workplace, writing

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