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She was rare. Like a parking spot in the front row on a rainy day.

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I relate to a rooster because I also want start off my day by screaming.

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People are too casual about the fact that parrots can talk.

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Most earthquakes could have been an email.

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If you give a man a fish, that fish is basically gone. Way to lose your fish.

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Karma has taught me to never laugh at a stranger being attacked by a seagull.

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Mouse in a conference call: hold on, I’m gonna put you on squeakerphone.

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As a simulation, this all kinda sucks.

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Are you just gonna go with the flow until you spiral down the drain?

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“Well at least I don’t have to wake up any more.” Is what I want my tombstone to say.

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