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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇬 has shared:

After careful consideration, I think I’d have way more fun if I was incredibly stupid.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has viewed:

I was dropped as an adult.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has downloaded:

“I need a movie where the villain actually won!” Have you tried watching the news?

Someone from 🇰🇲 has shared:

I’ve got to start taking better care of myself. Tomorrow I’ll walk to the liquor store.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has bookmarked:

Does anyone else stare at the dead body in movies to see if you can catch them breathing?

Someone from 🇸🇲 has downloaded:

In medieval Europe, it was pretty easy to amass vast armies eager to go into battle and have their heads chopped off because no one wanted to be alive in medieval Europe.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has copied:

I’m at that point in my life where if a car hit me, I’d probably say thank you to the kind stranger.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has viewed:

Being a sleepy girl with a busy life is so hard.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has shared:

Eternal Sunshine of the Thotless Grind.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has copied:

Mocktails are awesome because they ask the question ‘how much could juice cost?’

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

769 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,931

Funny Quotes Topics

13,902

Funny Quotes Images

10,931

37 minutes ago

3,424

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on WeChat:

I know I’m almost 40 because I had a few drinks last night and woke up this morning thinking: Oh no I bought so many socks online last night.

Reported on Facebook:

99% of celebrating your birthday as an adult just consists of texting back “thanks so much”.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

There’s a fat man inside me dying to get out.

Spotted on Threads:

Nearly choked on a carrot. A donut would never do that to me.

Reported on Slack:

My anxiety is chronic, but my overthinking is iconic.

Going viral on YouTube:

Why there is always a kid crying when I go to the store? Dude, you aren’t the one paying for it. Stop!

Just shared via TikTok:

One of the kids said, “Camping looks fun,” so tonight we’re watching The Revenant.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

I used to blame all my problems on my parents, but now that I’m a grown up, I have come to terms with the fact that when bad things happen to me, it’s probably just that Mercury’s in retrograde again.

Going viral on Snapchat:

I don’t think I’d be so scared of spiders if they had eight tiny flip flops on.

Spotted on Reddit:

We should thank heaven for nipples. Without them boobs would be pointless.

Home » Funny Duty Quotes

Funny duty quotes

New funny duty quotes 👇

4 weeks ago
Share →: Got out of jury duty yesterday by confessing to the crime.

Commentary:
"Oh, so that’s your secret 'get out of jury duty free' card! 🃏🤣 Just make sure your alibi doesn't have WiFi! 📡🚫"
6 months ago
Share →: Jury duty is a wild concept. Whenever the government wants, they can just be like “Call off work, bestie, we need you to solve a murder. Here’s fifteen dollars.”

Commentary:
"Jury duty: the ultimate surprise office party where you get to play detective without the cool spy gadgets. 🔍💼 And the pay? A whopping $15 to solve real-life mysteries. Sign me up for that adventure! 🕵️‍♂️💸"
6 months ago
Share →: People complain about jury duty as if listening to true crime all day and being sequestered at night isn’t secretly every mother’s fantasy.

Commentary:
"Who needs Netflix when you've got jury duty? 🕵️‍♂️💼 But let's be real, being sequestered probably means getting more peace and quiet than any mom could dream of! 🤫🛌 #MomGoals"
6 months ago
Share →: Imagine you’re on jury duty and the courtroom sketch artist draws stink lines above you.

Commentary:
"Looks like the courtroom sketch artist misunderstood 'presumed innocence' as 'presumed stinkiness'! 🤣💨 Better watch out for those odoriferous accusations! #StinkLinesOfJustice"

For even more funny duty quotes, check out the next page, if available 👇

All funny duty quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

769 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,931

Funny Quotes Topics

13,902

Funny Quotes Images

10,931

37 minutes ago

3,445

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇰 has bookmarked:

Burger King implies the existence of an entire burger based feudal system.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has copied:

You either get a kid who eats like a bottomless pit, or you get one that when asked what they want for lunch answers “No thanks, I had lunch yesterday.”

Someone from 🇹🇼 has bookmarked:

I’m optimistic, in a pessimistic way.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has shared:

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times, I’m never sending you nudes again.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has bookmarked:

A colon can completely change the meaning of a sentence. For example: Jill ate her friend’s sandwich VS Jill ate her friend’s colon.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has viewed:

If we were both crows, I’d bring you shiny things.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has copied:

Horoscope: You will give blood generously this week, but it won’t be your idea.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has downloaded:

Jeez. It’s like the people in this nursing home have never heard techno before.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has downloaded:

Old and bitter feels much better than I thought it would.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has downloaded:

Girls be like, “I know a spot,” then sacrifice you under the full moon.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Reddit:

I am a friend to all cats. Yes, even the mean ones. They have their reasons.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

Remember you are dust and, after you send this email, to dust you shall return.

Trending via Snapchat:

What we need is an evil Santa who steals our children’s most annoying toys.

Spotted on Slack:

Taking yesterday’s bad mood on a multi-day tour.

Making waves on Discord:

Dear unsuccessful applicant, we ultimately decided to split the role between existing staff without paying any of them extra.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

How do I even know this guy is my “boss”? I’ve just been taking his word for it.

Shared recently on Discord:

Opening the web before 9am is crazy. Like, did you even try to have a good day?

Just landed via Threads:

If you ask him what he admires most about a woman and he says brains, you’ve got yourself a zombie.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Grandparents are there to help the kids get into trouble and teach them stupid things they wouldn’t think of on their own.

Trending via Reddit:

Shout out to Yamaha for being like, “Here’s a cool motorcycle. Also, here’s a cool piano.”

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