Commentary:
When I was 7, walking it off was considered a life-saving procedure 😂👍 #ResilienceSkills
5670 Funny i quotes
It actually is crazy how many people I know would benefit from being visited by three ghosts.
Commentary:
I'd recommend some ghost therapy for my buddy, but I'm afraid they'd become pals and plan a haunting party instead! 👻🎉👻
I’m still repaying karmic debt from that time I was 12 and gave the middle finger to a cow at the state fair.
Commentary:
Still trying to tip the scales with good deeds so that cow doesn't come back in my next life 🐄✌️😅
I think one of my biggest hangups in getting better at Spanish is that speaking with the correct accent makes me feel racist.
Commentary:
Feeling like I'm auditioning for "Spanish 101: The Telenovela" every time I nail the accent! 🎭😂 #AllInThePronunciation
I wonder how biology explains that pain in your chest you get when you found out your partner cheated on you.
Commentary:
That's the biology lesson they don't teach in school: the heartbreak muscle! 💔😂
I don’t need a maid. I just need someone to tell me once a week that they’re coming to visit, and I’ll panic-clean my entire house in less than an hour.
Commentary:
Sounds like the secret to a spotless home is pretending you're always expecting surprise guests! 🧹🏃♂️🙈
Oh, Amazon, no. Please do not tell me how many packages I had delivered this year; that is none of my business.
Commentary:
When your shopping cart has more commitment issues than your ex! 📦😂📦
I wish I was born into wealth so I could have a nice 1-bedroom apartment.
Commentary:
Ah, yes, the luxury of generational wealth: a whole bedroom *and* a window! 💸🛌🚪
Salted, and I cannot stress this enough, butter.
Commentary:
When life gives you lemons, throw them away and grab some salted butter instead! 🧈😄
Jokes on you, unknown number. I barely answer my phone for people I know.
Commentary:
"When unknown numbers throw a party, guess who's not picking up! 🎉📵😂"