Funny intoxication quotes

• Sometimes I tell myself I should stop drinking so much, but I’m not about to listen to a drunk who’s talking to himself.

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  23 hours ago

  advice, conversation, drinking, drunk, humor, i, intoxication, irony, listen, self-reflection, self-talk, stop, talking, tell

• Explain it to me like I’m 5 drinks in.

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  2 weeks ago

  5, alcohol, drinking, drinks, explain, explanation, humor, intoxication, me

• If someone drunk texts you, appreciate it. They’ve thought of you when they can barely think straight.

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  2 months ago

  appreciate, appreciation, communication, drunk, drunk text, friendship, humor, intoxication, message, someone, straight, text, texting, texts, think, thought

• What would you do if you were in my situation right now? The situation being that I’m drunk.

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  3 months ago

  being, drunk, humor, intoxication, question, right, situation

• When you’re two beers in, and you realize she looks like God.

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  3 months ago

  alcohol, attraction, beer, beers, God, humor, intoxication, looks, perspective, realization, realize

• If alcohol damages your short-term memory, imagine what alcohol can do.

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  3 months ago

  alcohol, drinking, humor, imagine, impairment, intoxication, joke, memory

• One time, I was so high my bra unclasped, and I thought I got shot.

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  3 months ago

  bra, embarrassment, got, high, humor, humor story, i, intoxication, misunderstanding, shot, situation, social, social situation, story, thought, time

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