90 Funny keep quotes

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  5 months ago

  Share →: If I don’t duck my head when I drive into the parking garage, what’s gonna keep my car from hitting the ceiling?

  Commentary:
  "Life tip: Ducking your head in a parking garage not only saves your cranium but also prevents your car from growing wings and attempting a rooftop rendezvous 🚗🚧 #KeepItLowAndSlow"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: People keep wishing January was over like the worst month of the year isn’t coming up next. Thats like wishing someone would stop arguing with you and just punch you in the face.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the classic case of trading the frying pan for the fire 🔥😅! Wishing January away only to be met with the mighty February blues is like dodging a verbal storm only to catch a physical knockout. Stay strong, folks! 💪😂"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: In an effort to keep the employees motivated and increase morale, my boss has asked me to stop talking to everyone.

  Commentary:
  Looks like the boss is taking the phrase "silence is golden" a bit too seriously! 🤫 Who knew increasing morale could involve reducing communication? 🤔 Maybe they're trying out a new approach to team building – the power of awkward silence! 🙊 Just remember, absence makes the heart grow fonder… or in this case, the office grow quieter! 🤣

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  5 months ago

  Share →: I keep screenshots the way my husband keeps old cords, stored neatly away until the day I might need them.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the art of hoarding in the digital age! Screenshots meticulously filed away like buried treasure, just waiting for that 'Aha!' moment 📸💻 Don't worry, I'm pretty sure your husband's collection of old cords will come in handy too… one day 🤣🔌 #TechLife #DigitalPackRat"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Just saw two identical twins out in public together. No disrespect to that lifestyle but please keep it private.

  Commentary:
  "Spotted: a double dose of doppelgangers causing a commotion in public! Looks like the rumor about 'twin-cest' is real… 🙈 Double the trouble, double the fun! Just don't start finishing each other's sentences, or we might need to call in the doppel-police! 🚔 #Twinsanity"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: If you keep the house dark, not only do you save on electricity, but it also looks cleaner.

  Commentary:
  "Who needs lights when you can just blame the darkness for any mess? 🌚✨ It's like having a magic cleaning spell! 🧹✨ #PowerSavingGoals"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Only a fool would use the toothbrush the dentist gives you. You think the dentist would freely hand you the tools that would keep them away?

  Commentary:
  "Apparently, getting a toothbrush from the dentist is just a clever strategy to ensure we keep coming back for more dental adventures! 🦷🪥 Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, well, at least my oral health is in good hands! 😂"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: I wish I was mysterious, but unfortunately I just can’t keep my mouth shut.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the eternal struggle between wanting to be mysterious and the inability to filter our thoughts! 🤐 It's like trying to keep a lid on a pot of boiling pasta… you know it's gonna spill over eventually! 😜 Embrace your inner chatterbox, my friend – your honesty is the real mystery! 🤫✨"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Keep your friend’s toast and your enemy’s toaster.

  Commentary:
  "Remember, it's all about toast priorities – share your friend's delicious toast while keeping a close eye on your enemy's toaster… just in case they try to burn it! 🔥🍞😄"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: I think one quality that makes me incredibly attractive is that I keep my mouth shut when I have nothing to say.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the rare art of being quiet at the right time! 🤐 Silence – the ultimate magnet of mystery and charm! Or maybe it's just that people find peace in your presence because you give their ears a break! 🤫"

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