97 funny left quotes - Page 2 - Wordgag

Does anyone else run a used match under water before disposing of it because you’re afraid it still has some fire left in it, or are you normal?

Apr 1, 2026

If I worked construction, I would always say, “It’s hammer time,” when I left for work.

Apr 1, 2026

An article of clothing left on the floor long enough becomes clean again because the germs eventually get bored and leave.

Apr 1, 2026

“Some things are better left unsaid,” I think to myself immediately after I hit send.

Apr 1, 2026

Jacket I left on a chair that sometimes looks like a person at night stuns in new evening nightmare.

Apr 1, 2026

Dude so boring, it’s like his personality swiped left on him.

Apr 1, 2026

The baddest women come into your life when you have 37 dollars left.

Apr 1, 2026

Making dinner with my left hand, so it feels like someone else is doing it.

Apr 1, 2026

My toddler asked if we could go to the zoo today, and I said, “I can’t see that happening.” Then she literally left the room and came back with my glasses.

Mar 31, 2026

My teen believed the washing machine when it said it only had one minute left, and oh, how I laughed and laughed.

Mar 31, 2026

Look away from your laptop for 1 second, and MS Teams will say you left the country.

Mar 31, 2026

When a girl says “5 mins,” think about it like five minutes left in the 4th quarter, and both teams have all their timeouts.

Mar 31, 2026

Trying to eat with my left hand because I need a little excitement in my life.

Mar 31, 2026

Do u guys also have a story in your head, and when you’re bored, you just add more to it and continue from where you left off?

Mar 31, 2026

I once had a psychic girlfriend, she left me before we met.

Mar 31, 2026

When you clean your room so well that the only trash left is you.

Mar 31, 2026

Some things are better left unsaid, unless you’re on X.

Mar 31, 2026

That little pocket on jeans is the perfect size for the money I have left over after I pay all my bills.

Mar 31, 2026

Today I was in a taxi, and the taxi driver said, “I love my job. I am my own boss, nobody tells me what to do!” Then I said, “Turn left.”

Mar 30, 2026

I should have peed before I left, and other things I’ll never learn: A memoir

Mar 30, 2026

Please twerk; I have just days left.

Mar 30, 2026

Why is there so much day left at the end of my patience?

Mar 30, 2026

I told my suitcase we wouldn’t be going on vacation this year; now it’s dead inside and I’m left with emotional baggage.

Mar 30, 2026

Sex so good, my left hand is making my right hand a sandwich.

Mar 30, 2026

Some things are better left alone, like me, for instance.

Mar 30, 2026

The day they handed out patience, I left because it was taking too long.

Mar 30, 2026

Some things are better left unsaid, which I usually realize after I say them.

Mar 30, 2026

My love language is caffeine and being left alone until I’m kind again.

Mar 30, 2026

Judging by the hair on my couch, I’m surprised I have any cat left at all.

Mar 30, 2026

In my defense, Your Honor, I was left unsupervised.

Mar 29, 2026

I love it when my dog suddenly gets up and goes to another part of the house. Did you just remember you left the stove on or something?

Mar 29, 2026

Humanity was engineered as a biological weapon but left abandoned early in its development.

Mar 29, 2026

I love being left to my own devices. It’s like yeah, these are my devices.

Mar 29, 2026

I left the house with wet hair and no makeup on, so I’m sure I’ll run into everyone I know.

Mar 29, 2026

If I had just one hour left to live, I’d spend it in Math class… it never ends.

Mar 29, 2026

Some things are better left unsaid, but people get drunk and say them anyway.

Mar 29, 2026

Some things are better left unsaid, which I certainly realize, right after I say them.

Mar 29, 2026

She left me because of my poor English. But I doesn’t care.

Mar 28, 2026

You look like something I drew with my left hand.

Mar 28, 2026

Twitter is a prime example why most of us shouldn’t be left unsupervised.

Mar 28, 2026