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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇪 has viewed:

After I get irritated, it takes me about 2 hours to fix my face.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has shared:

I want someone to care for me as much as Netflix cares if someone has logged into my account from another device.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has downloaded:

Any time I throw up, I stare at it like I’m getting a message from the past.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has downloaded:

Anyone else who tells their pets every time they leave the house that they’ll be back soon?

Someone from 🇬🇷 has viewed:

Monday morning looks like Jack Nicholson breaking through the door in The Shining.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has copied:

This tape doesn’t even taste like scotch.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has shared:

Photogenic people are magical. You could snap a pic of them mid- explosive diarrhea, and they’d still look good.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has downloaded:

Now that I got a library card, I’m moving differently.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has viewed:

Gonna start an app for cat sitters where they can review the cats they take care of and it’ll be called Litterboxd.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has viewed:

Perhaps we should have further developed natural intelligence before venturing into artificial intelligence.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,417

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Slack:

Terrible economy to ask a girl what’s wrong.

Broadcasted on Discord:

I visited my doctor today. He told me my sugar was too high. So I came home and moved it to a lower shelf.

Shared recently on Facebook:

That thing in video games where you have a great item so you hold onto it but never end up using it? Thats me with fruit.

Going viral on Twitch:

You know it’s bad when even a cheeseburger doesn’t help.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Whoever has designed parking garages is either an architectural genius or an evil sadist.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

If someone asks you if you’re in the queue, what they actually mean is “you’re really shit at queuing, aren’t you?”

Spotted on Snapchat:

Landlord: I’m raising your rent. Me: Am I getting a bigger house?

Seen just now on Instagram:

Rock bottom ain’t even that bad of a place to be if you’re into collecting rocks.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Not my circus, but I’ve grown quite fond of its monkeys.

Making waves on Twitch:

If I was polyamorous, I think Id date my girlfriend three times.

Funny long-term relationship quotes

New funny long-term relationship quotes 👇

Long-term relationship? Like Tom and Jerry?

6 days ago

animation, cartoon, classic, classic animation, comparison, funny comparison, hate, humor, jerry, long-term, long-term relationship, love, love and hate, relationship, relationship humor, tom, Tom and Jerry
Dating again after you break up with a long-term partner is like dying in a video game and ending up back at the start to do it all again, except with less health.

7 days ago

after, again, back, break, breakup, dating, dying, ending, except, game, health, humor, less, long-term, long-term relationship, partner, relationship, relationship struggle, restart, start, struggle, video, video game
After you’ve been married a long time, you become able to communicate nonverbally. At least, I’m pretty sure that’s why we never speak.

7 days ago

able, after, communicate, communication, couple, humor, joke, least, long-term relationship, marriage, married, never, nonverbal, nonverbal communication, pretty, relationship, relationship joke, silence, speak, sure, term, time, why
I’ve tasted long-term relationships, I’ve tasted casual dating. I highly recommend focusing on your career and going to sleep before 9 p.m. ..!

1 week ago

9, advice, before, career, casual, casual dating, dating, going, humor, i, life, life advice, long-term, long-term relationship, recommend, relationship, relationships, sleep

All funny long-term relationship quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

27 shares on WeChat this month:

What’s the point of having sex dreams if you always wake up just when it’s getting down to business?

13 shares on Messenger this month:

Toothache and heartache comes from the same thing, which is something sweet.

66 shares on LinkedIn this month:

“Don’t bite the hand that feeds you!” Maybe just don’t bite hands. Shouldn’t have to qualify it.

92 shares on Snapchat this month:

If you ever need me, call me any time, day or night, and I’ll return your call when I get around to it.

79 shares on YouTube this month:

I think we all know who to blame for the generation of parents who put too many Ys in their kids’ names. Lynyrd Skynyrd.

68 shares on X this month:

They should invent health insurance that insures your health.

79 shares on Facebook this month:

What I learned from Covid is that it’s basically possible to do all your work from home while drunk.

75 shares on Twitch this month:

4 sneezes in a row is clout chasing. Wrap it up!

20 shares on Slack this month:

I have thought one billion times about everything.

98 shares on Telegram this month:

Every Jurassic Park movie should end with an insurance adjuster getting a phone call and immediately throwing up.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇷 has copied:

Some of these fake tans look like an old Tupperware container that’s had marinara sauce in it.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has bookmarked:

If a woman says she’ll be ready in 15 minutes, she will be. No need to remind her every half hour.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has copied:

Maybe the four horsemen of the apocalypse are Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, and TikTok.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has viewed:

Everyone thinks they’re a badass until seaweed brushes their leg.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has bookmarked:

Everyone is getting pregnant or married, and I’m back to “What’s your favorite color?“

Someone from 🇲🇳 has bookmarked:

If men didn’t exist, I would simply go for a 2 a.m. walk every night and listen to music in my AirPods.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has copied:

I put my music on shuffle then get mad when it doesn’t play the song I want.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has viewed:

Having divorced parents as an adult is funny because you and your siblings are like, “Damn, who has custody of Mom today?”

Someone from 🇦🇬 has bookmarked:

Customers will say shit like, “Uhh, it’s asking me to remove my card?”

Someone from 🇹🇱 has downloaded:

You can really tell somebody’s mental state by they hair.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Telegram:

Sunday night: Super Bowl party! Monday morning: Toilet Bowl party!

Trending via YouTube:

Clothes too dirty for the closet, but too clean for laundry. Welcome to: the chair.

Seen just now on TikTok:

The hottest part of sex is when I take off my glasses and put them in a safe place.

Going viral on Facebook:

Get a Ring camera so you can yell at your kids when they’re out front and freak them out.

Making waves on Threads:

I woke up this morning and my hair looked like a Beatles lyric. Here, there, and everywhere.

Shared recently on WeChat:

I’m waiting for the perfect moment to stop procrastinating.

Seen just now on Twitch:

I can’t stand when people need constant validation online. Like, comment, and retweet if you agree.

Just shared via Discord:

If you say my name three times in the mirror, I show up and kiss you on the forehead.

Spotted on Telegram:

Need to shave my legs again. Blow-drying takes far too long.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

When I die, throw me on Mount Everest so it looks like I was trying to do something.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Funny long-term relationship quotes

New funny long-term relationship quotes 👇

Long-term relationship? Like Tom and Jerry?

Dating again after you break up with a long-term partner is like dying in a video game and ending up back at the start to do it all again, except with less health.

After you’ve been married a long time, you become able to communicate nonverbally. At least, I’m pretty sure that’s why we never speak.

I’ve tasted long-term relationships, I’ve tasted casual dating. I highly recommend focusing on your career and going to sleep before 9 p.m. ..!

All funny long-term relationship quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨