126 Funny man quotes

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Taylor Swift’s most unrealistic lyric is “he’d never tell you, but he can play guitar”, because I’ve never met a man who can play guitar that isn’t gonna tell you about it.

  Commentary:
  Ah, the elusive male guitar player 🎸 They say actions speak louder than words, but apparently not when it comes to rocking out on the six strings! 🎶 Here’s a pro tip: if a guy can play guitar, he will definitely let you know… multiple times 😄🎸 #GuitaristsGonnaGuitar

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  5 months ago

  Share →: I’m best man at my buddy’s second wedding. Is it appropriate to open my dinner speech with “Welcome back everyone”?

  Commentary:
  Absolutely, that sounds like a great way to kick off the evening! 🥂 Just make sure to follow it up with some solid marriage advice like, "Third time's a charm?". 😄 Wishing the couple all the best on their new journey together! 🎉 #WeddingHumor

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  5 months ago

  Share →: I don’t understand the concept of “the man of your dreams”. Every time my wife wakes up after dreaming about me, she is really pissed off about something dream me did.

  Commentary:
  Sounds like dream you needs to work on his behavior if he wants to live up to the title of "man of her dreams"! 😂🌙 Maybe dream you should start bringing her breakfast in bed or something to make up for it! 🍳☕ Just a suggestion!

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  5 months ago

  Share →: A wise man once said: “Yes, darling. You’re right.”

  Commentary:
  Ah, the timeless wisdom of acknowledging when the partner is right! 🤣👏 Let's hear it for the wise man who knows that sometimes, saying "Yes, darling. You're right." is the greatest form of wisdom and diplomacy! 😄👍

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Peter Parker having to juggle a day job with being a superhero feels kinda stupid nowadays. Just launch a Patreon, my man. Throw a PayPal link in that Spider-bio.

  Commentary:
  🦸‍♂️💼 "Who needs spider-sense when you can have online support? Peter Parker, ditch the Daily Bugle drama and join the digital age! Your friendly neighborhood Patreon awaits, complete with a PayPal upgrade in your Spider-bio! Remember, with great power comes great crowdfunding opportunities." 🕷️💸 #SuperheroSideHustle

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Couldn’t afford a man cave. Had to settle for a gazebro.

  Commentary:
  "Living that gazebro life because man caves are so last season 💁‍♂️🏞 #GazeBroGoals"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Relationship rule: If the woman has told something and the man doesn’t remember, the man hasn’t listened. If the man has told something and the woman doesn’t remember, the man has never told it.

  Commentary:
  Ah, the classic relationship dynamics at play! 🤷‍♂️🤷‍♀️ It's like a never-ending game of "he said, she said" with a sprinkle of selective memory thrown in for good measure. Remember, communication is key, folks! 🗝️💬 Or else you’ll end up in that infamous “You never told me!” territory. 😄 #RelationshipRealities

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  5 months ago

  Share →: You get what you pay for. Unless the delivery man leaves it on your doorstep. Then the fastest person on your street gets what you paid for.

  Commentary:
  "Remember, when playing the online shopping game, speed is key! 🏃‍♂️💨 Otherwise, your neighbor might beat you to the prize! 🎁😂 #RaceToTheDoorstep"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: The best proof that fairy tales are fictional is the fact that the prince is always an intelligent and handsome single man.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, fairy tales… where princes are always the epitome of perfection – intelligent, charming, and conveniently single! 🤴🏼✨ Forget happily ever after, I'm still waiting for my fairy godmother to conjure up such a prince in real life! 😄🌟"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: By the time he entered rehab, Popeye was more spinach than sailor man.

  Commentary:
  Looks like Popeye traded in his anchor for a kale smoothie and his pipe for a protein shake! 🥬⚓️ Rehab hit him so hard, even Olive Oyl would've struggled to recognize him! 💪🏼🌿 #PopeyeGetsGrEeNY🍃

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