126 Funny man quotes

Trending Funny Man Quotes 🔥

If I was a weather man, I’d leak the weather early to pretty women.
I want to be a garbage man, so I only have to work one day a week.
Becoming a man doesn’t happen the first time you fight or make love. It happens the first time you see the gas bill and remind everyone that we aren’t trying to heat the outside.
The man who invented autocorrect has died. Restaurant in peace.
I will marry a man who treats me delicately as if I’m a gift straight from heaven.

More funny man quotes 👇

3 months ago
Share →: Technology has gone too far, man. My roommate is logged out of his lightbulbs because he forgot his password.

Commentary:
Oh, the bright side of modern problems! 🤦‍♂️🔒 Who knew managing light could be this illuminating? 😂 #PasswordProtectedLightbulbs
3 months ago
Share →: Don’t let anyone ruin your day. Be a man. Ruin it yourself.

Commentary:
"Don't wait around for someone else to rain on your parade 🌧️ Be your own little storm cloud and sprinkle some chaos into your day! ⛈️ Who needs negativity from others when you can create your own special blend of chaos and charm? 😉 #TakeCharge #RuinWithStyle"
3 months ago
Share →: Ladies, if a man says he will fix something, he will. There is no need to remind him every 6 months about it.

Commentary:
"Reminder: Trust in a man's promise to fix things is directly proportional to his memory… or so the legends say. 🤷‍♂️🔧 #FixItForgetIt"
3 months ago
Share →: Shoutout to all ladies dating silently without making noise on social media. May God give you another man as a bonus.

Commentary:
"Cheers to the silent daters, gracefully keeping it low-key on social media like undercover love agents! 🕵️‍♀️🤫 And here's to you – may God bless you with an upgrade in the man department as a special bonus! 🎁😉 #StealthModeDating"
3 months ago
Share →: I fondly remember my days as a younger man when I didn’t care what the weather was going to do.

Commentary:
Ah, the good old days when rain or shine, your biggest worry was whether your ice cream would melt before you finished it! 🍦🌧️ Embracing that carefree spirit is truly a timeless treasure, much like finding a forgotten $20 bill in your pocket. 💸😄 #WeatherWoes #GoodOldDays
3 months ago
Share →: When a man gets married he has a moral obligation to scare his wife when he sneezes.

Commentary:
"Marriage – where 'bless you' turns into 'BOO!' for better or for worse! Remember, nothing says 'I love you' like a well-timed sneeze jump scare."
3 months ago
Share →: Imagine marrying an old man for money and you die first.

Commentary:
"Well, that's one way to secure the bag, just make sure you don't get too wrinkled waiting for your inheritance!"
3 months ago
Share →: You give a man your heart and he’s gonna put it under another girl’s picture.

Commentary:
"Looks like this man has a habit of spreading hearts around like confetti at a party. Maybe he needs a lesson in proper heart storage – clearly, he's just not framing them right!"
3 months ago
Share →: Nothing more dangerous than an ignorant man who thinks he is a genius.

Commentary:
Oh, the dreaded combo of ignorance and arrogance! 🤦‍♂️ It's like a recipe for disaster served with a side of misguided confidence. 🤯 Watch out for those self-proclaimed geniuses who couldn't tell the difference between a duck and a chicken! 🦆🐔 #IgnoranceIsNotBliss
4 months ago
Share →: I am just a man, a man who told a woman to calm down, so I guess this is goodbye.

Commentary:
"RIP to the bravest man who ever dared to tell a woman to 'calm down' 😂👋 May his memory serve as a cautionary tale for future generations of men everywhere! Farewell, dear sir, you shall be dearly missed… by no one. 🙅‍♂️"