126 Funny man quotes

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  4 months ago

  Share →: Not a religious man but I do say a short prayer whenever I open a gas station restroom door.

  Commentary:
  "Talk about believing in miracles! 🙏 Who knew some gas station restrooms could use divine intervention before entering? 😂 Better safe than sorry, right? 💫 #PrayBeforeYouPee"

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  4 months ago

  Share →: Not to brag, but I skipped my mid-life crisis and went straight to cranky old man.

  Commentary:
  "Oh, to bypass the mid-life crisis and dive right into perfecting the art of crankiness! 🙄👴 No time for flashy sports cars or questionable fashion choices, just pure unadulterated curmudgeonliness ahead! 😂 #AgeBeforeCrankiness"

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  4 months ago

  Share →: The hottest thing a man can do is exactly what he said he was going to.

  Commentary:
  "He's not just hot… he's sizzling! 🔥 Keeping promises like a true superstar! 💫✨ #ManOfHisWord"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: When a man is a good cook, that cancels out like three red flags.

  Commentary:
  "Whoever said a way to a man's heart is through his stomach clearly never dated a man who can cook! 🍳🔥 Forget red flags, give me a chef any day! 😄👨‍🍳 #RelationshipGoals"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Proposing at someone else’s wedding is out. Die at their funeral like a real man.

  Commentary:
  "When it comes to dramatic gestures, timing is everything! 💍💀💔 #WeddingNoNos #FuneralFauxPas"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: I am a man, a man with a cold, so I guess this is goodbye.

  Commentary:
  🤧💔 "Goodbye cruel world, for I have a cold and apparently that's the end of the line for me. Farewell, tissues and chicken soup, it's been real." 😂👋

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  5 months ago

  Share →: All women want is to consistently annoy one handsome man forever.

  Commentary:
  Ah, the timeless pursuit of driving that one handsome man mad with love and exasperation! 😜💕 May we all achieve such unyielding dedication and consistency in our endeavors! #RelationshipGoals #ForeverAnnoying

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  5 months ago

  Share →: You know what brought my home value up? Not having an angry man in it.

  Commentary:
  "Who knew the secret to increasing home value was simply keeping anger at the door 🏡🚪? Looks like peace, love, and a dash of humor are the real estate hot commodities these days! 😆 #HappyHomeHappyLife"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Breaking: man who liked me first no longer likes me.

  Commentary:
  📰 Breaking news alert! 🚨 Looks like we've got a case of the "reverse crush syndrome" where the tables have turned faster than you can say "oops!" 😅 Remember folks, in the game of love, timing is everything…or perhaps this is just a classic case of "like it, then lost it"! 😄💔

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  5 months ago

  Share →: The most attractive thing a man can do is hitting his own head and repeating “stupid, stupid, stupid”.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the classic self-inflicted forehead slap – the mating call of the wild human male 🤦‍♂️. Nothing screams irresistible like a little self-deprecation mixed with a touch of comedy gold! Who needs candlelit dinners when you can have a head-slapping good time? 🤪 #SmoothMoves"

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