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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇦 has bookmarked:

I hate when I turn my car on in the morning and the music starts blasting, and I am like, “Whoooah, big fella, I’m not the same person I was last night.”

Someone from 🇳🇿 has copied:

When someone touches my phone, I automatically turn into a ninja.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has viewed:

I be telling people, “I respect your decision,” and I really don’t. The decision is always something stupid, and I just don’t want to engage any further.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has shared:

I’m sick of the Microsoft Authenticator. Like, who would be logging in to do my work?

Someone from 🇶🇦 has downloaded:

Handsome, you better get to the point, my beer buzz is starting to wear off.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has copied:

“Stop talking about old drama!” God forbid a girl and her bestie enjoy their history lessons.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has bookmarked:

Been there, done that. Then, been there several more times, because apparently I never learn.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has bookmarked:

Want to know what someone is really like? Play Monopoly with them.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has bookmarked:

Going to look at the small picture for a while. Tired of seeing the big picture. Too much picture.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has downloaded:

My toxic trait is consistently cutting off the resealable part of the bag of frozen vegetables.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,480

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Snapchat:

I have never “lit up a room” unless you count arson.

Live now on Threads:

“Help us improve Instagram!” Nice try, fix your own damn website.

Just shared via WeChat:

Elect a clown, expect a circus.

Breaking via Threads:

Girls want a bad boy to fix. Boys want a good girl to corrupt. Me? I just want a rumbustious monkey as a butler.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Those who still fit in their wedding dresses years later haven’t been making enough effort eating.

Going bananas on Pinterest:

“We’re the only species that drinks milk after infancy, dairy is bad for you!” We’re also the only species that drinks peach mango pineapple spirulina kale smoothies, Karen. Let me eat my cheese in peace.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

I try to contain my craziness, but the lid keeps popping off.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

“I bought this while depressed” should be an acceptable reason to get a full refund on a return.

Seen just now on Telegram:

WhatsApp calls should indicate whose internet is poor to avoid unnecessary arguments.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

It may look like I’m doing nothing, but in my head I’m quite busy.

481 Funny need quotes

More funny need quotes 👇

I need to be more disciplined and stop procrastinating, starting tomorrow.

7 days ago

discipline, humor, i, motivation, need, procrastinate, procrastination, self-control, starting, stop, tomorrow
I need to stop saying “Oppa Gagnam Style!” to fill in awkward pauses in conversation.

7 days ago

anxiety, awkward, awkwardness, conversation, culture, fill, gagnam, Gagnam Style, humor, i, K-pop, need, pause, pop, pop culture, saying, self-awareness, social, social anxiety, stop, style
Sometimes people just need you to be genuine with them, and I personally have no problem pretending to do that.

7 days ago

authenticity, comedy, genuine, genuineness, honesty, humor, i, irony, just, need, people, pretending, problem, sarcasm, sometimes
We need a Disney princess who’s a greedy profiteer, so we can cheer for the poison apple.

7 days ago

apple, cheer, Disney, fairy, fairy tale, greed, greedy, humor, need, parody, poison, poison apple, princess, profiteer, satire, tale
I hate when cashiers feel the need to check if my money is real. If I could make counterfeit money, I wouldn’t be at the Dollar Tree, Karen.

7 days ago

authenticity, cashier, cashiers, check, counterfeit, counterfeit money, dollar, Dollar Tree, feel, frustration, handling, hate, humor, i, Karen, money, money handling, need, real, shopping, tree
For my next trick, I’ll need a divorce lawyer.

7 days ago

divorce, divorce lawyer, humor, joke, lawyer, marriage, need, next, relationship, trick
Exercise gives you energy, but you need energy to exercise. Sounds like a pyramid scheme to me.

7 days ago

activity, energy, exercise, fun, fun activity, humor, me, motivation, need, pyramid, pyramid scheme, scheme, sounds
Have you fallen in love with me yet, or do I need to post more nonsense?

7 days ago

comedy, dating, flirt, humor, i, love, me, need, nonsense, playful, post, sarcasm
Can we get some A.I. to pick plastic out of the ocean, or do all the robots need to be poets?

1 week ago

AI, artificial, artificial intelligence, cleanup, eco-friendly, environmental, environmental humor, humor, intelligence, need, ocean, ocean cleanup, pick, plastic, poetry, pollution, robots, technology, wit
If they stole your post, they probably need it more than you do.

1 week ago

empathy, humor, need, perspective, post, posts, sharing, stole, theft

For even more funny need quotes, hit next 👇

All funny need quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

69 shares on Pinterest this month:

Everyone’s worried about a recession, but babes, we’re heading for a dark age.

51 shares on WhatsApp this month:

IKEA products should be cheaper, I’m doing all the work here. It’s like ordering takeout food and still having to cook it when it arrives.

49 shares on Telegram this month:

British people be like “I was born in E-sex, grew up in Woke Ham, moved to Man Chest Hair, went to uni in Rotten Stall.”

71 shares on Threads this month:

I hope my email finds you enraged.

26 shares on Instagram this month:

I love how all the movies about teenagers have to be set in the 90s or earlier otherwise we’d just be watching kids on their phones for two hours.

78 shares on Threads this month:

Nobody gives me butterflies anymore. Y’all just give me brain damage.

47 shares on Messenger this month:

Imagine buying a new car, and some superhero throws it at an alien.

76 shares on Slack this month:

I’m pretty sure my husband’s favorite sound is the oven range fan turning on when I start making dinner.

83 shares on X this month:

Years of personal growth can be unraveled in 2 days at your parents’ house.

57 shares on X this month:

The question is, what will kill humanity this century? Artificial intelligence or natural stupidity?

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇿 has bookmarked:

“Left alone” would have been the right answer as a child to the question of what I wanted to be when I grew up.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has viewed:

Sorry, I missed your call. I watched it ring and everything.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has downloaded:

Getting a nose ring, so I don’t lose my keys.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has copied:

I didn’t just turn into a grouchy old woman overnight. It took years of people letting me down, pissing me off, and dealing with idiots to get this good at it.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has downloaded:

I think fathers lose their mind a little bit when they realize their daughters aren’t as forgiving as their wives.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has downloaded:

I don’t need all of these heat advisory warnings on my phone. I’ve been outside. I have skin. I know.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has bookmarked:

The only thing I gained so far this year is weight.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has downloaded:

I love when I see a really beautiful car, and I look inside, and it’s a beautiful woman. That’s fire.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has copied:

All I’m saying is that big burgers should be wider not taller.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has bookmarked:

Instead of calling it the John I’m going to start calling my bathroom the Jim. That way I can say I go to the Jim every morning.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Pinterest:

Thinking about ignoring daily mess by creating new holiday decor mess.

Live now on Twitch:

If I like cleaning? Does Sisyphus like his boulder?

Making waves on Twitch:

Sex is like tacos. I wish I were having some now.

Breaking via WeChat:

It’s amazing how music can transport you to another place. For example, this coffee shop is playing Justin Bieber, so I’m going to another restaurant.

Live now on Slack:

Do people with lip filler know that they look like that?

Trending via TikTok:

“Is this a joke to you?” Unfortunately, everything is a little bit of a joke to me.

Just landed via Telegram:

Summer is the time when it’s too hot to do what it was too cold to do in winter.

Making waves on Facebook:

Everyone is posting their vacation pictures and I’m like… I went shopping.

Going bananas on WeChat:

Whoever removed the 30th and 31st from February, come get the 14th too.

Trending via Facebook:

The question “how is work” really pisses me off. Work is work, bro, I don’t know what else you want me to say.

Activity Log ✨

481 Funny need quotes

More funny need quotes 👇

All funny need quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨