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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇳🇮 has bookmarked:

I still get so surprised every time someone I find attractive finds me attractive. Like, are you sure?

Someone from 🇸🇹 has shared:

They get real weird at the gun store if you walk in crying and asking for “the biggest one”.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has shared:

Whoever named the grapefruit when there was already a fruit named grape. Incompetent legend. I wish we could hang out.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has shared:

Never mind a Roomba, I need a robot garbage can that will follow my kids around the house all day.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has shared:

Why does tiredness on the couch not follow me to the bed?

Someone from 🇦🇬 has shared:

Many people mistake me for an adult because of my age.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has downloaded:

If we’re not meant to have midnight snacks, why is there a light in the fridge.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has copied:

My kids practically have medical degrees they’re at the nurse so much.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has downloaded:

I’ve started dating myself exclusively but it’s not working out.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has shared:

Since the beginning of time itself, people have been wondering, what the hell is going on?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

809 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,971

Funny Quotes Topics

13,936

Funny Quotes Images

10,971

Updated

13 minutes ago

Users Online

3,430

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on WhatsApp:

I love how all the movies about teenagers have to be set in the 90s or earlier otherwise we’d just be watching kids on their phones for two hours.

Trending via Slack:

The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office.

Trending via Instagram:

Since I tolerate gluten and lactose well, I can afford a few intolerances in the interpersonal area.

Freshly posted on X:

I need new friends. The old ones know too much.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Children will see a neatly hanging dish towel and be like oh hell no.

Seen just now on Twitch:

The fastest mammal on earth is the smartass on the web.

Seen just now on Twitch:

My daily exercise routine involves running late, jumping to conclusions and pushing my luck.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Those eyes ain’t gonna roll itself, let me help you.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Men tell you “I know a place” and bring you to the brink of madness.

Making waves on Snapchat:

These aliens are taking forever.

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

809 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,971

Funny Quotes Topics

13,936

Funny Quotes Images

10,971

Updated

13 minutes ago

Users Online

3,440

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

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Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇷 has viewed:

Have you ever been so stressed that you’re calm?

Someone from 🇯🇲 has downloaded:

Wrapping gifts on the floor after 50: 1% holiday spirit, 99% figuring out how to stand up without calling for help.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has bookmarked:

I don’t have any rizz but I do have snacks in my purse.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has shared:

I asked myself if I was toxic and we said no.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has downloaded:

My tween would like you to know I ruined his life when I told him to stop being super sus and cringe and be more lit yo.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has viewed:

If white men can’t jump, how do you explain Super Mario?

Someone from 🇸🇬 has copied:

I’m on this new diet where I don’t consume anything that talks to me before the first coffee.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has viewed:

Pregnancy is crazy. You really come home with someone you don’t know, with no teeth.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has shared:

I need someone to peer pressure me into doing things.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has bookmarked:

Sunday is my favorite day where I pretend I’m going to do something productive.

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on X:

I was disappointed to learn today that my request for a sabbatical was rejected. Apparently that’s “not how marriage works.”

Seen just now on Instagram:

What is that job called where you put the little stickers on fruit? I think I would be good at that.

Live now on Snapchat:

My life is simple, I see a queue of more than 6 people, I go home.

Going viral on Messenger:

Having a blocked nose really makes you appreciate the finer things in life, like breathing normally.

Making waves on Threads:

You’re way hotter in your forties and fifties than in your twenties. The glow up is in the grow up.

Seen just now on WeChat:

Just did my best horse impression and the doctor still won’t give me ketamine.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

I’m not scared of love, I’m scared of insufficient cash.

Just landed via WeChat:

Sorry I’m late, traffic is exactly how it’s been every day for the past couple years, and I was not expecting that.

Going viral on Pinterest:

My kids couldn’t care less about personal hygiene unless we are running late somewhere.

Just shared via X:

I cannot definitively say, even after all I’ve seen, that I would not visit Jurassic Park.

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