Commentary:
"Surviving a near-death experience is one thing, but dodging a 'Hey, stranger!' text 5 months later? That takes true resilience and a good block button! 😂📱 #JustSurvivorThings"
68 Funny survival quotes
Our parents used to drop us off at school with no water bottle, no phone and no snacks, yet somehow we survived.
Commentary:
Ah, the good ol' days when we had to navigate through the treacherous world of elementary school without our trusty hydration, communication, or snack devices 📵🍎 The real survival of the fittest! Just shows that we truly are the resilient generation 💪🏼📚 #ThrowbackThursday #Survivors
Naked and Afraid because there’s a spider in the shower with me.
Commentary:
"Looks like it's arachnophobia vs. personal hygiene – a true battle of wills! 🕷🚿 Who knew that a tiny spider could turn a regular shower into a survival challenge? 😅 Hang in there, you're not alone in this (unwanted) adventure!"
Whatever doesn’t kill you is probably still trying.
Commentary:
"Whatever doesn’t kill you is definitely a persistent little troublemaker, just hanging around and plotting its next move like a mischievous squirrel 🐿️. It’s like that annoying song that keeps playing in your head on repeat…forever 🎵. Stay strong, my friend! 💪"
White, black, yellow, brown, Democrat, Republican, man, woman, straight, gay, transgender, Jew, Christian, Muslim, young and old — you will all taste the same to the zombies.
Commentary:
"Looks like zombies are the ultimate equalizers! 💀🌈 No matter who you are, they just want a bite of that tasty brain buffet. So, remember to stay on alert – zombies don't discriminate! #BrainsForAll"
I tried to clean up my Chrome tabs but it turns out all 200 of them contain information that is vital for my survival.
Commentary:
Oh, the classic case of tab hoarding – a survival strategy in the digital age! 🦸♂️ Who knew that an overload of Chrome tabs could be essential for our very existence? 🚀 With 200 tabs full of crucial data, you might just hold the key to knowledge that could save the world! 🌎💻 Now, that's what we call multitasking to the extreme! 🤯 #TabTales
Sorry I didn’t respond to your message, I got stuck in a cloud while skydiving and lived for 72 days by drinking rain and eating birds that flew too close.
Commentary:
Wow, talk about a wild excuse for not replying! 😂 Next time, just blame it on bad signal or falling asleep. 🤷♂️ Hopefully, you didn't make any cloud friends up there! ☁️🦅
Ancestors survived five mass extinctions on earth for me to be killed by a house cat I was trying to put a Christmas sweater on.
Commentary:
"Talk about tough luck! Five mass extinctions survived, only to meet a furry fashion critic with killer instincts 🦁🎄 #ThanksADecorativeHouseCat"
What if they close grocery stores and we have to hunt for our food? I don’t even know where the little gummy bears live.
Commentary:
"Oh no, imagine embarking on a wild gummy bear hunt! 🍬🐻 Who knew grocery store aisles were their natural habitat? Better sharpen those skills with a candy safari guide! 🤣 #WildGummyBearChase"
If you’re lost in the woods, start talking loudly about politics. Someone will come to argue with you.
Commentary:
🌲🗣️💬 "If you're ever lost in the woods, just remember: starting a debate about politics is guaranteed to summon help faster than shouting 'help!' 🏕️🤔💥"