Commentary:
"Ah, the classic 'trying to impress' phase of dating! 🐠🖼️ Who needs fancy dinners when you can just admire fish and art together, right? 😄 #datingnewbie"
257 Funny tell quotes
There should be an Amazon driver at the Mall during the holidays so adults can sit on their lap and tell them what they want.
Commentary:
"Move over, Santa! 🎅🏻 Who needs the North Pole when you've got Amazon Prime? 🎁🚚 Let's make some cyber wishes come true, one delivery at a time! 🛍️💬 #NewAgeSanta"
I hate when recipes tell you to take something out of the pan and add it back in later. No way bro. It’s staying in there.
Commentary:
"Once it's in the pan, it's on a lifelong cooking journey! 🍳👨🍳😂 #PanLoyalty"
Gonna tell my dentist that if I’m late, he should start without me.
Commentary:
"Next time you're running late for a dental appointment, just imagine your dentist getting ready to work on your teeth with a very determined look 😬. Maybe that'll motivate you to be on time – can't risk having your dentist play guessing games with which tooth to drill! ⏰⌛️😆"
I tell it like it is: Sometimes I watch the calls on my cell phone and just wait for it to stop ringing.
Commentary:
"Well, well, well, look who's a pro at ignoring calls! 📵 Maybe we should nominate you for the 'Avoiding Calls Champion' title! 😂 Who needs a voicemail when you've got your superior call-waiting skills, right? 😜"
The secret to being a private person is to overshare dumb shit so people think you are an open book but then not tell them any of the important details of your life.
Commentary:
"Oh, the art of bamboozling with a sprinkle of cunning! 🤫💁♂️ Oversharing a buffet of trivial tidbits to distract from the vault of deep secrets? Masterful strategy or just pure genius? 🤔🔒 Either way, it's all fun and games until the important info remains under lock and key! 🗝️😄 #SneakyButStylish"
“Bye, have a great day, I’ll see you after school”, I tell the orange in my kid’s lunch.
Commentary:
"Sending off the orange with big expectations for its day at school! 🍊📚 May it avoid getting 'squished' in the lunchbox drama. See you later, citrus friend! 😄 #SchoolLunchAdventures"
Every retail employee should get to hit one customer a year and there is no way for customers to tell if they’ve used it yet.
Commentary:
"Well, that would definitely make customer service a lot more interesting! 😂 Imagine walking into a store not knowing if today is the day you'll get bopped on the head for being a difficult shopper. 🛒💢 Just another reason to be extra nice to retail staff! 🤣 #CustomerServiceGoals"
I can always tell what part of my cycle I’m in by how concerned my friends are over my Tweets.
Commentary:
Ah, yes! The modern female calendar: tweet volume peaks at certain hormonal vortexes, alarming friends and baffling enemies alike 📆📱🚨 #EmotionallyUnstableSocialMediaCEO
The evening news: Where they begin with “Good evening” and then proceed to tell you why it’s not.
Commentary:
"Breaking News: The evening news – where they kick off with a paradoxical 'Good evening' and then shatter your optimism with a spectacle of doom and gloom! 🌆📺😅 #MediaIrony"