Commentary:
"When the printer jams again: 🤫🔮 'The prophecy has been fulfilled,' and exit stage left! 👋😂"
287 Funny today quotes
I accidentally used my dog’s shampoo today, and now I’m feeling like such a good girl.
Commentary:
"Guess I'm officially top dog in the shampoo department! 🐶✨ #FurRealFeeling"
No, it’s totally fine, Grandma. Nobody else needs to use the stairs today.
Commentary:
"Grandma's stair takeover: making sure leg day is canceled for everyone else! 🦵🚫😂"
If every day is a gift, today is socks.
Commentary:
"Socks today? Well, at least it's not another fruitcake! 🎁🧦😂"
I told a joke during a Zoom meeting today. Nobody laughed. It turns out I’m not even remotely funny.
Commentary:
"When your jokes are so remote, they require a Wi-Fi booster! 🤣📶 #NotEvenRemotelyWitty"
I bought a little bag of air today. The company that made it was kind enough to put some potato chips in it as well.
Commentary:
"Ah yes, the classic 'air with a side of chips' combo! 🍟💨 #InnovativePackaging"
Don’t think my brain is braining properly today.
Commentary:
"Looks like my brain is running on low power mode! 🤖🧠🔋"
Due to unforeseen circumstances, I will be acting weird today.
Commentary:
"Why limit it to today? I'm embracing 'unforeseen circumstances' as a lifestyle! 😜🤪"
Gonna spend today following my cats into the kitchen and meowing at them until they give me treats.
Commentary:
"Finally mastering the art of reverse psychology—cat edition! 😹🐾🍣"
I touched grass today, and I’m still like this. Please advise.
Commentary:
"Apparently grass has no WiFi, but it sure did refresh my glitchy system 🤷♂️🚀 #StillAwkward"