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Someone from 🇨🇬 has downloaded:

Not all angels are in heaven, me for example, I’m at work.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has viewed:

The world would be a better place if mosquitoes sucked fat instead of blood.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has bookmarked:

When a man gets married he has a moral obligation to scare his wife when he sneezes.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has shared:

My girlfriend confided in me she loves when I blow air on her when she’s hot, but honestly, I’m not a fan.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has copied:

What do you mean a baguette isn’t a female bag?

Someone from 🇲🇽 has copied:

There should be a socially acceptable way to say, “I’m not sure what to say to that. Can you please say something different?”.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has copied:

Christmas bonus so small you have to call your bank and ask “is it in yet?”

Someone from 🇱🇻 has copied:

No, I mean, it’s great toast. I just didn’t expect it to be French.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has viewed:

Getting to know someone these days is impossible. No one is really single, everyone has something going on, is hung up on their ex or is otherwise damaged in some way.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has bookmarked:

I just read a thing that said I should compliment myself on my decisions, regardless of the outcome. No thanks, I’m not the government.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

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17,765

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15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Pinterest:

Just broke a clothes hanger and now have seven years of bad outfits.

Shared recently on Slack:

If you were the birthday gift I bought my wife some months ago, where would you be hiding?

Spreading quickly via X:

Sorry, I’m late. I sat on my bed in a towel for 45 minutes, staring at the wall.

Trending via Threads:

There’s nothing more satisfying than the little nap you have after hitting snooze on your alarm.

Spotted on TikTok:

I don’t care if I’m standing in the window, if I said I ain’t home, I ain’t home.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Hi, I’m a social media user, you might know me from such hits as “I’m leaving this stupid place” and “I’m back everybody.”

Just landed via X:

Lately, when I meet new people, I ask them what their hobbies are instead of what they do for work, and let me tell you, the conversations have been absolutely top tier!

Going viral on Facebook:

Men invented pool tables so they could watch each other bend over.

Girlfriend says because we got Chinese yesterday, we can’t get it again today. I don’t think that makes sense. They do it in China all the time.

12 hours ago

Funny Quotes

Humorous text highlighting a witty take on Chinese cuisine and logic.

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Commentary:
Sounds like you're on a quest to explore the ancient art of daily takeout! 🍜🤣🥢

again, China, Chinese, Chinese food, culture, eating, food, girlfriend, got, humor, i, joke, relationship, repetition, sense, think, time, today, yesterday

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12 shares on X this month:

Photos are cool because they are like now but for later.

33 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Watched a movie on Netflix last night that was so bad, I walked out of my own house.

60 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Winter. You get up, drink coffee and then it gets dark.

50 shares on Reddit this month:

Stupidity begins where irony is no longer understood.

51 shares on Messenger this month:

The real hack is pouring all that lover girl energy into yourself.

17 shares on Threads this month:

Absolutely no reason for a single guy to be in a sunflower field. Get out of there, pervert!

49 shares on TikTok this month:

How do I tell someone respectfully to die in a fire?

30 shares on Threads this month:

I miss my bed. Why does it have to be so far from where I work?

24 shares on Slack this month:

It was a complicated 17-hour surgery, but they finally managed to separate the art from the artist.

42 shares on Messenger this month:

I used to think I was indecisive, but I’m not so sure anymore.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇳 has downloaded:

Hey, if the Earth could stop air frying me, that’d be great.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has downloaded:

When I say, “I have to be someplace,” what I mean is, “I want to go home.”

Someone from 🇯🇲 has downloaded:

Monsters can’t hide under my bed. That’s where my cats have their fight club.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has bookmarked:

My husband said I use a lot of makeup, so I showed him some makeup tutorials on TikTok and I don’t think he’ll be making that mistake again.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has downloaded:

The worst part of coming out of a hyperfixation is sobering up and looking at all the merch you bought that you didn’t need.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has bookmarked:

How did the person who invented the spelling of “banana” decide when to stop?

Someone from 🇩🇴 has viewed:

Sorry to any bands who see me yawn during their show. It’s not you, it’s just past 10pm.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has shared:

You can be having the nicest day and then you have to print something and you know your day is about to fall apart real fast.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has downloaded:

Meteorologist: It’s going to get even hotter. Me, on fire: WHAT?

Someone from 🇲🇱 has bookmarked:

Sorry I was late, I was frantically applying to other jobs.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Snapchat:

Not to brag, but I can shake your hand and forget your name simultaneously.

Trending via TikTok:

I’d change my name to laundry if it meant you’d think about doing me every day.

Trending via Facebook:

Before social media, you could just completely forget that somebody existed. Good times.

Just landed via Instagram:

Yesterday, I went to the grocery store, and I managed to come home without any junk food. Now, I’m mad that we don’t have any junk food.

Spotted on YouTube:

People in 1999 were using the Internet as an escape from reality. People today are using reality as an escape from the Internet.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

It’s a shame that you can’t hold people up to the light like banknotes to see whether they are fake or real.

Just landed via YouTube:

Three drinks in and that skateboard outside is looking rideable.

Just landed via Instagram:

Yes, I am super annoying, but don’t worry, it’s just permanent.

Going bananas on Telegram:

I am physically, mentally and emotionally ready to enter a new phase in my life…. hibernation.

Broadcasted on X:

It’s not jingling to you that I’m standing on Christmas.

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Activity Log ✨

Girlfriend says because we got Chinese yesterday, we can’t get it again today. I don’t think that makes sense. They do it in China all the time.

If you can’t say anything nice, say something funny.

Have to wear real clothes on Monday. Pray for me.

When I said you had a “serial killer face” I had meant it as a compliment. Like, you look like you are very ambitious is what I meant.

Why do fruit flies be everywhere but at the supermarket? Ain’t that like their Golden Corral?

Seems like it would be really tough being a girl named Molly at a rave.

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Activity Log ✨

Girlfriend says because we got Chinese yesterday, we can’t get it again today. I don’t think that makes sense. They do it in China all the time.

Keep the laugh going 😂

That was pointless, we could’ve just stayed strangers.

If you can’t say anything nice, say something funny.

Have to wear real clothes on Monday. Pray for me.

When I said you had a “serial killer face” I had meant it as a compliment. Like, you look like you are very ambitious is what I meant.

Why do fruit flies be everywhere but at the supermarket? Ain’t that like their Golden Corral?

Seems like it would be really tough being a girl named Molly at a rave.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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