Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇻 has downloaded:

Welcome to your 40s. Your eyes are now like a camera someone doesn’t know how to focus.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has viewed:

I feel like my greatest accomplishment today has been not saying what I’m thinking out loud.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has shared:

Diarrhea. Having it. Spelling it. Everything about it is shit.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has viewed:

I hate it when someone gives me a valid solution to my problem and I have to find something new to complain about.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has shared:

Desperately searching the dating app settings for an option to turn down the difficulty level.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has downloaded:

I drink my coffee black because I like to save my calories for alcohol.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has bookmarked:

She poured the milk before the cereal. It was not meant to be.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has viewed:

I sometimes have the desire to meet certain people again for the first time. Only to simply walk past them.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has downloaded:

Imagine you blocked me, and I crawled out from under your couch to ask why.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has viewed:

I was not meant for Microsoft Teams.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,681

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Threads:

That awkward moment when a zombie looking for brains walks right past you.

Making waves on Messenger:

Trust my gut? The thing that makes weird gurgling noises immediately when a work meeting goes quiet.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

You have 8 hours remaining to create shareholder value.

Just shared via Instagram:

When you bury a body, cover it with endangered plants, so it’s illegal to dig it up. Follow me for more gardening tips!

Shared recently on YouTube:

People shouldn’t be at the grocery store the same time as me. Get out of the way.

Shared recently on Instagram:

The baddest women come into your life when you have 37 dollars left.

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

You know what goes great with helping your kid with math homework? Vodka!

Seen just now on YouTube:

Exorcist came by. Says house isn’t possessed, just incredibly poorly built.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Can’t believe penguins have to publish all those books with their tiny hands.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

Can’t, trying to piece together today’s news from social media posts.

I don’t run from my problems. I sit on my couch, play on my phone, and ignore them like all other adults.

2 months ago

Funny Quotes

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Finally, a workout routine I can stick to! 🛋️📱💤 #ProcrastinationChampion"

adult, adult life, adults, couch, couch potato, humor, humor quote, i, ignore, ignoring, ignoring problems, laziness, life, phone, phone usage, play, potato, problems, procrastination, run, sit, usage

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

46 shares on Messenger this month:

They say 30 is the new 20, and 40 the new 30. All I know is 9 p.m. is the new midnight.

37 shares on Pinterest this month:

Proudly doing my part to cause the male loneliness epidemic.

41 shares on WeChat this month:

Of all her outfits, my shirt and no underwear will always be my favorite.

15 shares on Snapchat this month:

(to the boys in the yard) I hope you brought your own milkshake.

60 shares on Instagram this month:

I’m at the stage in life where I stay out of arguments. Even if you say 1+1=5, you’re right. Have fun.

26 shares on WhatsApp this month:

You’d think, with the amount of overthinking I do, I’d make the right decision.

21 shares on WeChat this month:

Imagine if all the money spent on AI was spent on trains.

63 shares on Messenger this month:

I am crumbling under the tyranny of constantly needing to ‘Create an Account’.

67 shares on Reddit this month:

You look like you take lavender bubble baths with rose petals, surrounded by candles, bro.

75 shares on Slack this month:

Teens be like, “You know that crumbled up piece of paper that’s been on the table all week? I need it for school.”

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇷 has shared:

I’d change my name to laundry if it meant you’d think about doing me every day.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has viewed:

Due to circumstances beyond my control, I am at work.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has bookmarked:

If onion powder is dehydrated onions blitzed into powder, how much onion powder would I need to consume to have eaten a whole onion?

Someone from 🇹🇱 has shared:

Eventually, kids get old enough to see which parent was the problem.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has copied:

Thinking about taking some time off to focus on cheese.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has shared:

Went out of town, came back and the roomba changed all the locks.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has copied:

Saying “You’re tearing this family apart” whenever someone argues with me.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has viewed:

You’re in his DMs, so am I, but I am way funnier.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has downloaded:

No one talks about how uncomfortable it is to ask for your own money back.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has viewed:

My husband sure has a lot of opinions on which movie he’s gonna sleep through.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Threads:

When people block me, I just assume it’s for my rugged good looks and killer jawline.

Breaking via X:

Don’t ring my doorbell unless you’re accompanied by a camera crew and holding balloons and a big check.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

I’ve been locked out of Tinder because of “unusual activity”. I must’ve got a match.

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

Waffles are just pancakes with convenient boxes to hold your syrup.

Going viral on Twitch:

Trying to win an argument online is sociopathic. I would concede anything to get a stranger to leave me alone.

Shared recently on WeChat:

If I got a Dollar for every time I thought about you, I would start thinking about you.

Freshly posted on X:

Please don’t buy my book on reverse psychology.

Seen just now on Slack:

I wish I could Shazam a perfume.

Making waves on Messenger:

“There’s a particular type of insufferability that rich people from poor countries have, that I don’t yet fully know how to verbalize.”

Just landed via Reddit:

I don’t remember what I wanted to be when I grew up, but I’m pretty sure it wasn’t a broke, stressed-out, over-thinker with no clothes that fit.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I don’t run from my problems. I sit on my couch, play on my phone, and ignore them like all other adults.

Science has enough bodies, I’m donating mine to English lit just to spice things up a bit.

Thank you, moon, for staying awake so late.

Just realised if I have a kid, they’re likely to see the year 2100… WTF?

Put my too-weak notice in at the gym.

Major cheat code in life: ask for the big, unreasonable thing. The universe meets you at your level of audacity.

I’m cosplaying as a functional adult again.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I don’t run from my problems. I sit on my couch, play on my phone, and ignore them like all other adults.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Science has enough bodies, I’m donating mine to English lit just to spice things up a bit.

Thank you, moon, for staying awake so late.

Just realised if I have a kid, they’re likely to see the year 2100… WTF?

Put my too-weak notice in at the gym.

Major cheat code in life: ask for the big, unreasonable thing. The universe meets you at your level of audacity.

I’m cosplaying as a functional adult again.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨