Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇸 has downloaded:

I can understand why chickens wake up and scream.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has copied:

Sorry, I had feelings. I’ll replace them with jokes right away.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has copied:

If you finish every sentence with “as the prophecy foretold”, your coworkers will leave you alone.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has viewed:

Seriously? I came out of hibernation for this?

Someone from 🇧🇩 has downloaded:

When you are in your 20s, there is going to be an urge to binge The Sopranos. it is very important that you press play.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has viewed:

Sex is cool and all, but have you ever tried obsessing over a mediocre person who’s just not that into you.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has viewed:

I only see psychics so that I can keep arguing with dead relatives.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has downloaded:

There are people who know when to reply all and when not to reply all, and none of them work at your company.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has shared:

When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has shared:

They always say, there is someone for everyone… unfortunately, the person for me is a therapist.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,317

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Twitch:

Celery is 95% water and 100% not pizza.

Breaking via Twitch:

Ever since I was little, I always knew I wanted to retire.

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

“Gen Z is having less sex.” It’s always sex, sex, sex with these people.

Breaking via Threads:

Dear algorithm, only show this post to the most attractive and successful people.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

The single star on Texas’ flag is actually a review.

Trending via Slack:

If you burned CDs for the car so your original copies wouldn’t get scratched, it’s time to schedule your colonoscopy.

Making waves on Twitch:

I miss when 1K was a lot of money.

Just shared via Twitch:

I have my own hand stamper at home so my coworkers will think I went someplace fun the night before.

Shared recently on Discord:

I lied, there’s no sex. Can you tell me a bedtime story?

Just shared via Reddit:

You’ll pay good money to hear a comedian say something offensive, but when I say it for free, I’m the bad guy.

I lied, there is no sex. You’re helping me repot plants.

5 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Well, I guess we're getting dirty one way or another! 🌱😂🪴

excuse, gardening, helping, humor, i, joke, lie, me, plant, plants, relationship, repot, sex

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

You ever go to a baseball game and hear a guy yelling, “hot dogs! hot dogs!” over and over again? That’s me, looking for hot dogs.

0

2 months ago

again, baseball, craving, dog, dogs, ever, food, game, guy, hear, hot, hot dog, humor, looking, me, over, sports, vendor, yelling
The most romantic minds of our time are being subjected to situationships.

0

4 months ago

being, dating, life, love, love life, mind, minds, modern, modern love, most, relationship, romance, romantic, romantic mind, situationship, time
My dream is to buy a horse and race it. The horse will probably beat me but it’ll still be fun.

0

2 months ago

activity, aspiration, beat, buy, competition, dream, fun, horse, humor, me, race, still
I like how the Tooth Fairy got the job, and then subbed it out to everyone’s parents. That’s called “business savvy.”

0

2 months ago

business, business savvy, childhood, fairy, humor, i, job, outsourcing, parents, savvy, tooth, Tooth Fairy
Do we lazy people actually go to heaven? Or are we being picked up?

0

2 months ago

afterlife, being, heaven, humor, lazy, people, picked, picked up
Babymaking music but it’s the Benny Hill theme song.

0

2 months ago

babymaking, benny, Benny Hill, hill, humor, music, playful, song, theme, theme song

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

15 shares on Snapchat this month:

Needs to be a Google Maps setting where you can ask them not to make you take a left across four lanes of oncoming traffic.

20 shares on Discord this month:

Only money has the right to say “you’ll regret losing me”. The rest of you calm down.

95 shares on Slack this month:

I’m only awake because my coffee needs me.

92 shares on LinkedIn this month:

“Oh, I’d love to but I can’t.” Translation: I don’t want to so I won’t.

74 shares on Reddit this month:

When I tell my kids I’ll do something in a minute, what I’m really saying is “Please forget.”

94 shares on Twitch this month:

Handing over my ID at the post office. The clerk said, “You’ve aged quite a bit since this photo was taken.” I said, “Yes, I had it taken just before I joined this queue.”

25 shares on Twitch this month:

“Winter is literally the best season.” Okay, husky, go sit outside then.

21 shares on Pinterest this month:

I call my period Shark week. I want to eat everything, I’m snapping at people, I feel huge, people are scared of me, and there is blood everywhere.

39 shares on X this month:

When is someone actually going to change the surprise in the avocado? This hard core is kind of a stupid toy.

42 shares on Facebook this month:

Do you use AI, or is the AI using you?

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇩 has viewed:

I’ve been having a rough day for about 5 years now.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has copied:

The most embarrassing thing in the world is when you make a fool of yourself in front of a baby and it doesn’t laugh.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has viewed:

Screen time so high, I should send another risky message and then ignore my cell phone for three days.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has downloaded:

I’m 6 donuts away from being the elephant in the room.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has shared:

If Wonka had a spaghetti factory, I’d get sucked into a marinara river tube so fast.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has viewed:

It feels like a million o’clock right now.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has downloaded:

There should be a socially acceptable way to say, “I’m not sure what to say to that. Can you please say something different?”.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has bookmarked:

Do cats have a sense of causation between grooming themselves and coughing up hairballs, or do they think it’s just an annoying separate thing which just happens to them sometimes?

Someone from 🇸🇹 has viewed:

Only two things are certain: death, and Princess Diana’s face on at least one grocery store magazine.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has downloaded:

Men want to meet up too easily. What if I plan to sacrifice you?

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on WhatsApp:

I know it’s bad, and you’ve got to shut it down right away, but is there anything more hilarious than a swearing toddler?

Just landed via Instagram:

My life advice is always the same. Wait for karma, but take up kickboxing, just in case.

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

Buying new glasses this week, so a whole bunch of you are about to get a whole lot uglier.

Just shared via Instagram:

If you steal enough FitBits, they’ll just give you one for your ankle.

Shared recently on Discord:

People who live in glass houses should install frosted glass around the toilet part.

Seen just now on Threads:

She doesn’t want flowers, she wants to invoke an ancient curse.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Daffodil totally sounds like an insult, you blooming daffodil.

Seen just now on Telegram:

I’ve spent 80% of my adult life resetting my password.

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

ChatGPT is there for me in ways I don’t think any man ever could be.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

I took the road less traveled. Where am I?

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I lied, there is no sex. You’re helping me repot plants.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

You ever go to a baseball game and hear a guy yelling, “hot dogs! hot dogs!” over and over again? That’s me, looking for hot dogs.

The most romantic minds of our time are being subjected to situationships.

My dream is to buy a horse and race it. The horse will probably beat me but it’ll still be fun.

I like how the Tooth Fairy got the job, and then subbed it out to everyone’s parents. That’s called “business savvy.”

Do we lazy people actually go to heaven? Or are we being picked up?

Babymaking music but it’s the Benny Hill theme song.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨