I want a man to love me so bad his entire family thinks I did witchcraft on him.

64 shares on Messenger this month:

You better pray to whatever god you serve that this email finds you before I do.

22 shares on Telegram this month:

I can’t even think straight knowing a package got delivered while I’m not home.

44 shares on Threads this month:

Finally my winter fat has gone. I now have spring rolls.

67 shares on Snapchat this month:

It is not without reason that all telescopes searching for intelligent life are pointed away from Earth.

49 shares on Facebook this month:

Nothing prepared me for the part of adulthood where you look like a baby deer learning to walk every time you get out of bed in the morning.

40 shares on Snapchat this month:

You’re telling me this moron’s on oxy.

49 shares on WeChat this month:

This year should be named “things I never thought could happen”.

88 shares on Facebook this month:

Putting a baby on board sticker on my car because other drivers have a right to know who they’re dealing with behind the wheel.

99 shares on Facebook this month:

If you have children, you can experience all human emotions before 9 a.m. on Sundays.

65 shares on YouTube this month:

A girl hating you is a million times better than her calling you a ‘nice guy’.