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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇲 has copied:

I’m never more unattractive than when a bee flies in my face.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has downloaded:

After having received my free sample of winter, I would like to cancel my subscription please.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has viewed:

At what point in not being able to sleep do I throw the towel in and have a beer, since maybe that will help?

Someone from 🇹🇴 has downloaded:

If someone asks you: ‘Why are you single, don’t you like people?’, answer: ‘Why aren’t you a millionaire, don’t you like money?’

Someone from 🇬🇦 has bookmarked:

Jury duty is a wild concept. Whenever the government wants, they can just be like “Call off work, bestie, we need you to solve a murder. Here’s fifteen dollars.”

Someone from 🇱🇮 has viewed:

If you ever have a crush on someone and want it to end, listen to a podcast they are on.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has bookmarked:

Guys will say, “I know a spot,” and then take you on a downward spiral.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has shared:

I remember sex. That was cool.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has bookmarked:

Mercury is no longer in retrograde, so never trust a cow because the sun can’t swim.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has bookmarked:

Good morning to everyone — except me, because I clearly didn’t get enough sleep.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,559

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Instagram:

If you can’t handle me at my worst just imagine how I feel.

Spotted on Discord:

I don’t understand why my cooking was garbage. I did everything right. I drank wine while I cooked. I had a hand towel over my shoulder. Literally everything right.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Centaurs can’t wipe their asses.

Live now on Pinterest:

I feel like you’re allowed to start your day at 4 p.m. if you are pure of heart.

Making waves on Instagram:

I tell my kids winning isn’t everything and then I steal money from the monopoly bank.

Going viral on Discord:

The first bowl of cereal makes you want a second, but the second makes you wish you stopped at the first.

Shared recently on WeChat:

Date idea: you hold my hand while I call the dentist and you tell me I’m so brave.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Laxatives help you live up to your full pooptential.

Live now on Facebook:

I miss having that butterfly feeling. People give me roach vibes at this point.

Just shared via YouTube:

Adulting has stunned me into silence. I have no thoughts, no remarks and no commentary at the moment.

I want to be the kind of person who eats half a grapefruit for breakfast and runs every morning, but I also want to be happy.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"When life gives you grapefruits, swap them for pancakes! 🥞😂 #GrapefruitGoals #TeamPancakes"

breakfast, eats, every, fitness, goal, grapefruit, half, happiness, happy, health, humor, i, irony, kind, lifestyle, morning, motivation, person, runs, self-improvement, want

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

That moment when rappers mispronounce a word just to make it rhyme.

0

3 months ago

humor, just, lyric, mispronunciation, moment, music, pronunciation, rapper, rappers, rhyme, word, wordplay
Life is so draining, you fix one problem, here come 12 more.

0

3 months ago

12, draining, fix, frustration, here, humor, irony, life, perseverance, problem, stress, struggle
When I moved into my new igloo, my friends threw me a surprise housewarming party. Now I’m homeless.

0

5 months ago

friend, friends, homeless, homelessness, housewarming, housewarming party, humor, i, igloo, joke, me, moved, moving, new, party, surprise, surprise party
Sorry, I just saw your text from last night. Are you guys still at the restaurant?

0

5 months ago

communication, guys, i, just, last, late, late reply, message, night, reply, restaurant, saw, socializing, sorry, still, text, text message
I have been so toxic and horny lately, I should probably start, like, reading a book or something.

0

3 weeks ago

book, horny, humor, i, lifestyle, reading, self-awareness, should, something, start, toxic
Photogenic people are magical. You could snap a pic of them mid- explosive diarrhea, and they’d still look good.

0

2 months ago

appearance, diarrhea, good, humor, magical, people, photo, photogenic, photography, pic, picture, still

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

58 shares on Messenger this month:

I’m here by unpopular demand.

23 shares on LinkedIn this month:

If it walks like a duck and talks like a duck, you’re drunk. Ducks don’t talk.

65 shares on YouTube this month:

If your family starts fighting on Thanksgiving, go live.

62 shares on Facebook this month:

If you’re wondering how motherhood is going, I’m watching a TV show and someone is in traction with a full body cast and I sighed and said “That looks so relaxing”

70 shares on Pinterest this month:

At the art museum walking slower and observing more than anyone else.

26 shares on Slack this month:

My dating checklist is down to “not the Unabomber”.

41 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I love befriending yappers. They bring the yapping out of me. Then we yap together. Yapping is so much fun.

34 shares on Pinterest this month:

I have friends in high places (birds).

61 shares on Slack this month:

Sorry, I said yippee when you took off your pants. Do you still think I’m hot?

45 shares on Messenger this month:

He took my last fry, your honor.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇩 has bookmarked:

All of humanities problems could be solved with a large meteor.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has viewed:

It’s not my fault that when I said you looked “stunning” you assumed I meant in a positive way.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has viewed:

If you love a friend, let them go. If they come back with coffee, it was meant to be.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has viewed:

Relationship status: We have changed from “I love you” to “I love YouTube”.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has viewed:

The Secret Service was chasing me but I painted a tunnel on the side of a wall and they all ran into it.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has bookmarked:

In my retweeting era, because I’m just speechless.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has shared:

Adulting is realizing Monday is a better ‘off day’ than Friday.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has viewed:

The most refreshing way to fight your personal demons is to make demonade.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has shared:

They should make a drug that recreates the feeling of having your number called earlier than expected.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has copied:

How did the person who invented the spelling of “banana” decide when to stop?

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Twitch:

The concept of a drive-by doesn’t really exist in the swamp biome; instead, people rap about doing bog-emerges.

Just landed via Twitch:

Today I told my daughter she’s giving me a headache! She told me “For suggestions and complaints, contact the manufacturer.”

Trending via WhatsApp:

I’m not here to make friends, just noise.

Just landed via Telegram:

I like my Jims slim and my chances fat.

Spotted on TikTok:

I’m almost finished reading your tweet. Love it so far.

Making waves on YouTube:

Can we normalize arguing with little kids? They’re so rude.

Live now on Threads:

Fun fact: The US was originally not meant to be a reality TV show.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Sorry, I would love to, but I just made a bunch of rules for myself, and I’m actually not allowed to do that.

Shared recently on X:

Even on the coldest of days, there’s such peace found in the warm embrace of a hot pizza.

Shared recently on Reddit:

The number of times I stand in a room, staring because I forgot why I walked in there, is embarrassingly high.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I want to be the kind of person who eats half a grapefruit for breakfast and runs every morning, but I also want to be happy.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

That moment when rappers mispronounce a word just to make it rhyme.

Life is so draining, you fix one problem, here come 12 more.

When I moved into my new igloo, my friends threw me a surprise housewarming party. Now I’m homeless.

Sorry, I just saw your text from last night. Are you guys still at the restaurant?

I have been so toxic and horny lately, I should probably start, like, reading a book or something.

Photogenic people are magical. You could snap a pic of them mid- explosive diarrhea, and they’d still look good.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨