Trending Funny Quotes 👇

  • Note to self: No more bitching about ugly furniture with people at IKEA whose home you haven’t been to yet.
  • I hate when my kids ask me impossible questions like: What day is it?
  • An app where you and your partner swipe left and right on restaurants until there’s a match. No talking, no negotiation. Who’s building this?
  • Sometimes the universe puts you in the same situations again to see if you’re still an idiot.
  • I’m not calling anyone daddy unless I’m asking for money for the mall.
  • When I’m president, everyone who listens to techno, house or rap will be allowed to drive a little faster than others.