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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇳 has viewed:

Is it stupid and irresponsible? Yes. Will it make me happy? Also yes.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has bookmarked:

Not to brag, but I drove and found a place I was looking for without turning down my music today.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has viewed:

The cold water does not get warmer if you jump late.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has shared:

At my age, I’m more frightened of a hip break than a heartbreak.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has shared:

It’s important to get out of the house every once and a while to remind yourself of why you don’t go out.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has viewed:

“Are you single?” No, I’m in a hallucinationship.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has copied:

In 2007, if you wore a long-sleeve T-shirt under a regular T-shirt, it meant that you liked music.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has shared:

College is not even mentioned once in the Bible. Somebody get me outta here.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has shared:

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has copied:

Please don’t ask me what my hobbies are, I lost interest in life back in 6th grade.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,534

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Messenger:

Quitting my job to pursue my true passion: not having a job.

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

Life’s too short to remove the USB drive safely.

Just shared via Reddit:

We all need to put the phone down, or it’s over for civilization.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

YOLO because stupid people don’t know what Carpe Diem means.

Breaking via Pinterest:

A person becomes 10 times more attractive not by their looks but by photoshop.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

I hate it when what’s wrong asks me what’s wrong.

Trending via Twitch:

I’m not actively avoiding you. I don’t actively do anything.

Live now on Snapchat:

Accidentally made eye contact with the sweets at the grocery store and now have to declare bankruptcy.

Just shared via X:

Retiring my wallet condom after two years of active duty. 87 tours with 0 combat deployments.

Just landed via Snapchat:

“You should exercise for at least 30 minutes every day”. Okay, and how much if you’re not trying to go to the Olympics?

Microsoft Teams needs to add a “spank” reaction for when I want to reprimand my employees during a video call.

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Commentary:
"Waiting for the day when Teams introduces the 'virtual karate chop' emoji to keep us all in line! 🥋🙈 #DisciplineInTheDigitalAge"

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Keep the laugh going 😂

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Social Media Stars ⭐

25 shares on Instagram this month:

No, you’re not a “prompt engineer,” you’re a sloperator.

65 shares on Slack this month:

Candy cigarettes really used to be a thing and we really bought them and walked around like we were smokers at the tender age of 6.

80 shares on Twitch this month:

Before social media, you had to actively go out and find crazy people.

72 shares on YouTube this month:

Rewatching Avengers: Age of Ultron. Despite the title, they never tell you how old Ultron is.

37 shares on YouTube this month:

You can recognize working-class kids by the fact that they hang their jacket over the chair in the restaurant and not on the coat hook.

97 shares on Messenger this month:

I commented to a friend that I didn’t know how goofy Scream was. It turns out I have never seen Scream. I saw Scary Movie.

24 shares on Slack this month:

My New Year’s resolution is to procrastinate. I’Il start tomorrow.

97 shares on Telegram this month:

The fact that I have more clothes to sleep in than I do to go out in says a lot about who I am as a person.

44 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Just because the deodorant says 48 hrs, it does not mean you have to challenge it.

79 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Floppy disks are like Jesus. They died to become the icon of saving.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

9 folks are currently checking 👀

I just be giggling, then start thinking about bills and remember ain’t nothing funny.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Dissecting an alien and getting bitterly jealous at their crazy organs.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

The highest act of rebellion is to relax unconditionally.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s too late. I sat down on the couch after work. Go on without me.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Before marrying someone, listen long and hard to the sounds of their chewing, because that’s the soundtrack to the rest of your life.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

We all know that mirrors don’t lie. I’m just very grateful that they don’t laugh.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Old people be like, “No elbows on the table, it’s rude,” then say something racist.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

There’s a disgusting pervert at the bar watching pornography over my shoulder.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

My playlist is so random, I be heartbroken, thugged out, and yeehaw all at the same time.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I was going to cause mischief tonight, but I climbed into my bed instead.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,405

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇷 has bookmarked:

One day you’ll find someone obsessed with you. It’s probably going to be a squirrel.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has downloaded:

The circus does not condone the actions being taken by its monkeys.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has shared:

Not to brag or anything, but I can forget what I’m doing while I’m doing it.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has copied:

The only person I ever call is my wife, and that’s just when we’re trying to find her phone.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has bookmarked:

Marriage is like a phone call at the night: First there’s the ring, and then you wake up.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has viewed:

The easiest diet is lack of money. You don’t have to do anything.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has bookmarked:

I refuse to be bound by the social construct called “the calendar.” Merry Christmas, everyone.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has shared:

I’ve been alive my whole life, and not once have I seen a commercial for Chinese food.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has bookmarked:

Bad news. Right now is as young as you’re going to be.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has viewed:

Therapists are like, “You don’t owe anyone anything. Except me. You owe me 250 dollars for this session.”

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Twitch:

“I’m going to try underthinking about a situation, and see if that works.”

Freshly posted on Facebook:

I was so locked in, to the point where we were tongue-kissing with morning breath.

Trending via Threads:

There’s nothing that I hate more than a failed nap attempt.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Ummmm, no, I don’t watch ‘Instagram Reels.’ I have TikTok. I like to get my brain damage directly from the original source.

Seen just now on Threads:

You should be allowed to leave work early if you are really in love.

Shared recently on TikTok:

You know you’re getting old when you and the grocery store have the same playlist.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

“Overdressed” is a social construct created by hating girls.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

I said it was my favorite show, I didn’t say it was good.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Eight times a day, I ask myself which object in the office will hurt me enough so that I can go home, but at the same time won’t hurt too much.

Shared recently on Discord:

In medieval Europe, it was pretty easy to amass vast armies eager to go into battle and have their heads chopped off because no one wanted to be alive in medieval Europe.

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