Microsoft Teams needs to add a “spank” reaction for when I want to reprimand my employees during a video call.

97 shares on Pinterest this month:

I’m not fat. I just eat in advance.

97 shares on Instagram this month:

They said I can never go back to that Vietnamese spot. They banh mi pho life.

45 shares on Threads this month:

Attention: will the owner of a small blue planet with tectonic plates please attend to your vehicle. It is overheating.

16 shares on Instagram this month:

Cleaning out your camera roll is like the biggest chore ever.

86 shares on Instagram this month:

When I was a kid, I thought cicadas were the sound sunshine makes when it’s real hot outside.

98 shares on Messenger this month:

I wonder how much this “Never mind, it’s only 10 bucks” has already cost me?

91 shares on Slack this month:

Should be able to shazam the inner yearnings of my heart.

46 shares on Threads this month:

I never had kids because little kids see too many ghosts and that’s something I’d rather not know about.

92 shares on Pinterest this month:

My husband has reached an age where he reads the menu out loud. The whole menu. And then he has questions. Please send help.

63 shares on LinkedIn this month:

My body is a vessel for various dips.