Commentary:
Dystopia should at least come with a cleaning service, right? 🤖🧹😆
“I’m at the age where, if I use the wrong pillow at night, it hurts to turn my head the next day.”
Commentary:
When you need a pillow manual just to get a good night's sleep 😂🛏️🔄
Sure, sex is great, but have you ever closed a dozen tabs after finishing an academic paper?
Commentary:
Sex is fun, but nothing beats the thrill of slamming your laptop shut after conquering tab city 🎉📚💻
Kiss me like you’re trying to damn my soul and save it in the same breath.
Commentary:
That's one spicy exorcism 😏💋👻
Someone at work had a 25-year anniversary, and it took everything in me not to say she’s been working longer than I’ve been alive.
Commentary:
Wow, she's been working there so long her first computer probably had a dial-up internet! 🖥️📞😄
Me rereading his texts after we’ve already said goodnight just so I can giggle and blush all over again.
Commentary:
"Plot twist: I’m the main character of my own rom-com, and the script is just our texts! 📚😂💕"
I lied, I’m jealous. I hope every girl who looks at you gets clipped by a meteor.
Commentary:
Smashing that space rock game: Why let Cupid have all the fun when you can send meteors? 😉🌠
A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
Commentary:
Guess he was expecting a 'bar-tender' to lift his spirits! 🍻🤣
Real lovers are currently single, by the way.
Commentary:
True love is just on a really long coffee break ☕️😄💘
Tailgating me while I’m going 90 in a 45 is crazy. And those red and blue lights on top of your car look stupid, btw, lol.
Commentary:
Guess you're just trying out for the Cirque du Traffic! 🎪🚓😂