Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇻 has copied:

My cat smells like cigarettes again and I’m sick of his excuses.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has bookmarked:

I’m about to start telling people, “As long as that makes sense to you,” when they say shit that doesn’t make sense to me.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has shared:

Going to therapy is like having someone walk around your brain and going “ohhhh, this is how you’re living?!”

Someone from 🇷🇺 has bookmarked:

I only look up to people that are taller than me and really that’s about the extent of it.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has downloaded:

I hate when a guy asks “can you cook?” Can you build a house?

Someone from 🇲🇷 has copied:

It was so windy today when I was walking to the gym that I got blown into the wine store.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has copied:

King-sized beds: Because you both want to sleep on the same mattress, but not in the same zip code.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has viewed:

The most refreshing way to fight your personal demons is to make demonade.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has bookmarked:

Are you mad at me? Have you been mad at me? Will you be mad at me? When will you be mad at me?

Someone from 🇲🇼 has bookmarked:

The most embarrassing thing in the world is when you make a fool of yourself in front of a baby and it doesn’t laugh.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

531 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,124

Funny Quotes Topics

17,272

Funny Quotes Images

15,124

Updated

Dec 27, 2025

Users Online

3,616

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

I have more photos of food on my phone than I do of my children.

Seen just now on WeChat:

Narcissus fell in love with his own image, but was immediately annoyed at how it always tried to talk while he was talking.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Like me, the weather is getting cooler around here.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Just washed my windows and not a single bloke came out and said ‘You can do mine next!’ This used to be a real country.

Making waves on Slack:

My dog understands several human words. I don’t understand any dog barks. He may be smarter than me.

Live now on Twitch:

I will be posting telepathically on all social media today. So if you think of something funny, that was me.

Live now on Pinterest:

Today, I noticed that the cover of my ironing board was wrinkled, and I laughed at the irony. Then I laughed again because of the word “irony.”

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Sorry I can’t have a pleasant, safe and affordable life, my government said no.

Live now on Reddit:

Yes, I’ve gained weight. Too many people wanted to have sex with me. It was annoying.

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

“I asked ChatGPT,” “I asked Grok,” yeah, well, I wipe away the hours conversing with the flowers.

More funny quotes 👇

Imagine having someone to come home to who doesn’t have fur.

0

1 week ago

companionship, fur, having, home, humor, imagine, pet, someone
The world started without permission again.

0

1 week ago

again, event, humor, permission, sarcasm, started, unexpected, unexpected event, world
The Angry Birds assaulted me and made me rip their disgusting bong.

0

1 week ago

angry, Angry Bird, assault, bird, birds, bong, disgusting, game, humor, me, parody, video, video game
Prime Video will find the movie you were looking for and then say, “Oops, you gotta pay for it.”

0

1 week ago

digital, digital rental, entertainment, frustration, humor, looking, movie, online, online shopping, oops, pay, prime, Prime Video, rental, say, shopping, streaming, subscription, video
The best part about being married is having a permanent person to debrief with immediately after any social event.

0

1 week ago

after, being, best, communication, debrief, event, having, marriage, married, person, relationship, social, social event, spouse
In university, you can literally tell who had no freedom at home.

0

1 week ago

freedom, home, humor, literally, observation, student, tell, university
Do cats have a sense of causation between grooming themselves and coughing up hairballs, or do they think it’s just an annoying separate thing which just happens to them sometimes?

0

1 week ago

annoying, behavior, cat, cats, causation, coughing, grooming, hairball, humor, just, pet, pet behavior, sense, sometimes, thing, think
Dear music, thanks!

0

1 week ago

dear, gratitude, humor, music, thanks
The peace of not knowing.

0

1 week ago

calmness, humor, ignorance, irony, knowing, peace
I’ve been thinking. Is ‘fat’ short for anything? Like an old word or something?

0

1 week ago

anything, fat, humor, old, question, short, something, thinking, word

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎁🎅🎄 Christmas Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

64 shares on Facebook this month:

Me as the therapist: “Listen, just take a nap!”

81 shares on Facebook this month:

I don’t always listen to Metallica, but when I do, so do my neighbors.

36 shares on WeChat this month:

All the best memories with my dad start with “Don’t tell your mom about this.”

76 shares on Slack this month:

Not to brag, but I can put my socks on without sitting down.

46 shares on Reddit this month:

Sorry, the deadline for complaints was yesterday.

30 shares on Messenger this month:

A late person is never happier than when the person they’re meeting is later than them.

55 shares on Discord this month:

I took some free community martial arts lessons for self-defense, but I’m starting to think Tai Chi is too slow for most muggers.

68 shares on X this month:

I love how you get on Twitter, and all your thoughts are already in someone else’s tweet.

91 shares on YouTube this month:

If humanity is so smart, how come it took thousands of years after the wheel was invented for someone to put them on a suitcase?

30 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I could have done without braces back then. What’s the point of having perfect teeth if I have no reason to smile?

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇸 has downloaded:

So, technically, Moses is the first man to download files from the cloud using a tablet.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has viewed:

Your card declining when you know you have money is a very funny experience.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has viewed:

Drilling for oil is well boring.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has downloaded:

We have decided to sell the house. How long do you think it will take for our landlord to find out?

Someone from 🇯🇲 has copied:

Not really into dating right now, but very into flirting, and that’s where things get complicated.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has copied:

Harmonicas are basically for people who like to hear music while they spit.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has shared:

Instead of making a sound, car alarms that go off at night should blast your name so everyone knows it’s your car.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has downloaded:

Zombies only eat brains, so you are safe.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has downloaded:

If a tree falls in a forest and doesn’t make a sound, maybe that’s where your kid should be practicing the piano.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has copied:

Shall I cook, clean, or do the grocery shopping? Okay, reading it is.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Discord:

It scares me when you stay up late, like 3 a.m., and you hear a car go down the road, like, where are you going?

Just landed via Instagram:

A college education is one of the few things a person is willing to pay for and not get.

Just shared via Slack:

I deliberately don’t go to bed early. I don’t want to look like I could be useful for anything the next day.

Going viral on Reddit:

Exorcist came by. Says house isn’t possessed, just incredibly poorly built.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Not really interested in anything that isn’t everything.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Oh, I didn’t tell you? Must have been none of your business, then.

Shared recently on Discord:

Jobs are so clingy. Why do you need to see me 40 hours a week?

Shared recently on WeChat:

Going to ragebait men by asking, “Do you ever wish you were tall?”

Making waves on WeChat:

To bed then. To bed with you! Guards, take him to my bed!

Just landed via Discord:

A fitness trainer showed me the proper way to inhale and exhale and then got pissed when I told her she had nice breaths.

Activity Log ✨

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨