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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇯 has shared:

I don’t always leave the house, but when I do, I shouldn’t.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has copied:

Look, a three-day weekend is all I ask. The rest can be four-day weekends.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has copied:

I want my boyfriend to be so hot strangers know he’s not funny.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has bookmarked:

Age is just a number… that now takes a really long time to scroll to.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has copied:

I’m not “dating to marry” or “dating for fun.” I’m dating for a secret third reason.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has viewed:

Sorry I missed your call. I saw that you were calling and immediately threw my phone into an active volcano.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has downloaded:

Not to brag but I don’t even need meditation, my mind goes blank the second someone asks me for directions.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has shared:

Ummmm, no, I don’t watch ‘Instagram Reels.’ I have TikTok. I like to get my brain damage directly from the original source.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has bookmarked:

This gum has my stomach convinced food is coming.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has shared:

The number one rule of Thanksgiving dinner is take your own vehicle so you can leave on your own terms.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,439

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via WeChat:

Blowing over it is also dusting.

Spotted on X:

As a woman, you need to forgive yourself for men you entertained when you had low self-esteem.

Just shared via X:

“Time After Time” is my favorite song about doing the dishes.

Breaking via Threads:

Warning: not watching the news may lead to a heightened sense of joy, security, and optimism.

Going bananas on Telegram:

Normalize having a threatening aura, but really just being a sweetheart.

Going viral on Reddit:

God, I’m not trying to rush you for my soulmate; but could I get the tracking number?

Shared recently on Reddit:

Please don’t buy my book on reverse psychology.

Just landed via Discord:

I’ve never found a “Remember Me” checkbox that works. Nothing remembers me.

Live now on YouTube:

My doctor told me “good luck” and gave me finger guns, so obviously I’m dying.

Spotted on Snapchat:

This meeting could have been an oil painting.

People will say stuff like “Well, at least if WWIII happens, I won’t have to go to work…” I think in your heart you know that’s not true.

2 months ago

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Commentary:
So true! Because my boss would probably send an email saying, "Good news! We've transitioned to remote work… indefinitely! 😊💼💣"

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81 shares on X this month:

There is no actual wolf in Wolf of Wall Street.

86 shares on YouTube this month:

Sleeping is nice, because you’re not actually dead and you’re not awake, so its a win-win situation.

45 shares on Messenger this month:

It’s called a Caesar Salad because you stab it a bunch of times when you eat it.

100 shares on Pinterest this month:

No, I don’t comment, I voodoo doll like a real adult.

91 shares on TikTok this month:

The miracle of DoorDash is that I just pick up my phone, punch a few things into it, and within half an hour I have, at my door, a $52 salad.

88 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Super excited about a brand new day of ignoring my problems.

72 shares on X this month:

I would love to be the reason you look at your phone and smile. Then walk into a wall.

87 shares on WeChat this month:

My wife screamed “you haven’t listened to a single word I’ve said, have you?!” I was taken aback, what a weird way to start a conversation.

65 shares on Messenger this month:

I need to stop drinking so much. Did I say drinking? I meant thinking. I definitely need to drink more.

54 shares on X this month:

At the Pride and Prejudice showing booing whenever Prejudice comes on screen.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇿 has downloaded:

Jesus died for your sins. If you don’t sin then he died for nothing!

Someone from 🇸🇪 has viewed:

Thanksgiving and Christmas should be six months apart. Absurd to see those people again so soon. Insane.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has downloaded:

Perhaps we should have further developed natural intelligence before venturing into artificial intelligence.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has downloaded:

My first rodeo and my last rodeo were the same rodeo.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has downloaded:

Autumn at last. Sitting on the sofa all day with a blanket and tea and watching movies. Just like in summer, but with a blanket and tea.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has bookmarked:

Mentally, I’m in a forest screaming. Physically, I’m answering emails with a fake smile and clenched jaw.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has bookmarked:

Your twenties are for destroying and betraying yourself for nothing.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has viewed:

You could go camping or you could stay at home, not shower, leave dirt on the floor and let some squirrels in.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has copied:

My fairytale would be called the princess and the pea sized bladder.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has downloaded:

I think Bigfoot had it right, stay in hiding from all the shitty human beings.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Slack:

Such is modern life. Mordor in our midst.

Trending via Facebook:

If this meeting were any slower, it’d be a landscape painting.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

How soon into a new relationship should you let her know you’re an idiot?

Trending via YouTube:

I’m just falling in love with my problems now. Maybe they’ll leave me too.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Way too many low IQ conspiracy theories floating around. Give me high IQ conspiracy theories.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Don’t invite me anywhere in the last minute. I enjoy doing nothing, so I need to know ahead of time if my plan to do nothing needs to be changed.

Just shared via Facebook:

If at first you don’t succeed, the internet will let you know immediately.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

I’m neither a lover nor a fighter. I’m a snacker.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

If Kanye got hacked, no one would even know.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

When I say I like when older men tell me what to do, I am talking about Yoda and his teachings.

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Activity Log ✨

People will say stuff like “Well, at least if WWIII happens, I won’t have to go to work…” I think in your heart you know that’s not true.

Some of you aren’t reading the room. Not even listening to the room on audiobook.

UK rappers be like “I’ve got a posh flat and my bird is very comely, I own more motors than the marchioness of cholmondeley”

My swear jar is having a very profitable week.

A moment of silence for everything I have to do but am not doing.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

People will say stuff like “Well, at least if WWIII happens, I won’t have to go to work…” I think in your heart you know that’s not true.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Some of you aren’t reading the room. Not even listening to the room on audiobook.

Before the internet, people thought that there was only one idiot per town. We were so wrong.

UK rappers be like “I’ve got a posh flat and my bird is very comely, I own more motors than the marchioness of cholmondeley”

How do I tell the mosquitoes that I don’t consent?

My swear jar is having a very profitable week.

A moment of silence for everything I have to do but am not doing.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

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