Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇿 has viewed:

Dear predictive text, I am tired of sending people “Thanksgiving” when they send me a recipe or directions.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has downloaded:

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but I think people who say ‘I don’t know who needs to hear this’ know exactly who needed to hear it.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has copied:

I thought the noise my husband’s stomach was making was never going to end last night until I realized it was a motorbike outside.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has downloaded:

I am a full grown adult. Now listen to me discuss the various plot holes in Paw Patrol.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has bookmarked:

I caught my husband eating the last of the ice cream last night. First of all, we are supposed to be dieting together. Second of all, I was going to eat that.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has copied:

I respect the moon because it controls three of our most precious entities: oceans, wolves & women.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has viewed:

Winnie the Pooh had the right idea in this goddam heat. Crop top with his honey pot facing the world.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has copied:

DUI stands for: don’t Uber, I got this.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has copied:

My hobbies include using the TV as background noise while I scroll on my phone.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has downloaded:

I now also have a device that tells me whether I’ve taken enough steps today. If I don’t make it one day, it barks and poops in my apartment.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

244 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,513

Funny Quotes Topics

17,581

Funny Quotes Images

15,513

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,495

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Instagram:

How to have flat stomach: remove all of your organs.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Explaining myself is too much work. Please just judge me.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

I’ve finally found out what chronology is. And it’s about time.

Trending via YouTube:

Please, Tinder, add AI to your app. I don’t want to be involved in the modern dating experience. Let a robot do it for me. Let the machines suffer in our place.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Inventor of pink lemonade: yes, exactly the same, but cute and for the girls.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

I smoke weed for my mental health and your personal safety.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Look, babe, I’m sorry. If your fake British accent keeps being this geographically inconsistent, I’m going to have to cancel the medieval roleplay sex.

Just shared via Reddit:

For years I thought an oncologist was just the doctor they kept on-call at all times.

Seen just now on Slack:

When life gives you lemons, give them back and ask what the crap is all about.

Breaking via Reddit:

You can fake an American accent all you want, but “literally” will expose you.

Sorry it took so long to text you back; my social bandwidth was buffering.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Sorry, my brain's still running on dial-up! 📡🧠😅"

apology, back, bandwidth, buffering, communication, delay, humor, media, social, social media, sorry, technology, text, texting

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Got banned from the sauna at my gym for saying “steam me up, Scotty” a few too many times.

0

2 months ago

ban, fitness, gym, humor, joke, me, sauna, saying, Scotty, steam, times, too, wordplay
I love when people start getting filler, and instead of looking younger, it’s just like okay, your face is getting really, really big in all directions.

0

3 months ago

aging, appearance, big, cosmetic, directions, face, filler, getting, humor, i, joke, just, looking, love, okay, people, start, younger
Can we take a moment to celebrate the little ride we get in the pneumatic chair at the hair salon or barber when they pump it up or down?

0

2 months ago

activity, amusement, barber, celebrate, celebration, chair, fun, fun activity, grooming, hair, hair salon, humor, little, moment, pneumatic, pneumatic chair, relaxation, ride, salon, take
I put on my Godzilla costume, then go to the miniature golf course to beat up the windmill.

0

2 months ago

activity, beat, costume, course, creative, fun, fun activity, Godzilla, golf, humor, i, miniature, miniature golf, playful, put, quirky, windmill
Shall I cook, clean, or do the grocery shopping? Okay, reading it is.

0

2 months ago

chores, clean, cook, daily, daily task, decision, decision making, grocery, humor, humor quote, i, laziness, making, okay, procrastination, reading, shopping, task
The websites that let me check out as a guest are the real heroes.

0

5 months ago

check, checkout, convenience, guest, guest checkout, hero, let, me, online, online shopping, real, shopping, website, websites

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

39 shares on Messenger this month:

Meetings are great because who doesn’t like being held hostage?

33 shares on YouTube this month:

Anyone who doesn’t like me snoring, doesn’t deserve me moaning either.

15 shares on Reddit this month:

If it doesn’t get a like in the first two years, I delete it.

81 shares on Pinterest this month:

I am very depressed and in a really bad mood. Perhaps it will get better if I sit inside on a beautiful day and dwell compulsively.

13 shares on Threads this month:

I’ll never understand people who go through self-checkout line and slowly and carefully scan their items. This line is for stealing.

35 shares on Threads this month:

Based on the amount of laundry I wash each week, I’m starting to think there are people who live here that I haven’t met yet.

38 shares on Snapchat this month:

I love when people find out I meant every word I said.

69 shares on X this month:

The police said I was a ‘suspect’, but I prefer being called a ‘person of interest’.

81 shares on Twitch this month:

Don’t be coming into my house and causing big spikes of cortisol.

97 shares on Facebook this month:

Telling everyone I’m an undecided voter because I need the attention.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇬 has viewed:

If you were the birthday gift I bought my wife some months ago, where would you be hiding?

Someone from 🇰🇷 has copied:

People that ask Grok “Is this true” are the reason our society is getting dumber by the minute.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has copied:

Monday is already sending me threatening glances from across the room.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has copied:

Hell hath no fury like a toddler who lost the chance to push a button.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has shared:

Any cults got something wild planned anytime soon? I’m trying to find the good estate sales.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has shared:

I know I’m mad when I start talking to myself about it.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has copied:

The person who invented autocorrect should burn in hello.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has viewed:

I wonder if that football guy will be at the Taylor Swift game again today.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has downloaded:

If you show her you care, she will keep you as a spare.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has viewed:

I wanted to sleep it off, but insomnia said, “Not tonight, buddy.”

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Facebook:

Responding to all selfies with “this should work.”

Seen just now on Twitch:

Good morning to the wind beneath my wings only.

Making waves on WeChat:

Hate when you’re trying to take a nap and the dentist is all “Please open your mouth.”

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Could you set a lightsaber on low and use it as a back scratcher?

Spotted on Reddit:

How long does it take for an apple to turn brown after you cut it? Never mind.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

I’m probably like this because I drank water from the hose.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Your honor, if it pleases the court, here’s Wonderwall.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Having a toddler is wild. I’m getting breaking news about Peppa Pig.

Just shared via Pinterest:

The easiest way to shop with kids is not to.

Going viral on Slack:

Welcome to your 40s, you now don’t understand a single word anyone under 25 is saying.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Sorry it took so long to text you back; my social bandwidth was buffering.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Got banned from the sauna at my gym for saying “steam me up, Scotty” a few too many times.

I love when people start getting filler, and instead of looking younger, it’s just like okay, your face is getting really, really big in all directions.

Can we take a moment to celebrate the little ride we get in the pneumatic chair at the hair salon or barber when they pump it up or down?

I put on my Godzilla costume, then go to the miniature golf course to beat up the windmill.

Shall I cook, clean, or do the grocery shopping? Okay, reading it is.

The websites that let me check out as a guest are the real heroes.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨