Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇧 has bookmarked:

Almonds are a scam. They are wood. You are eating wood.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has copied:

Sunday should be 48 hours instead of 24 hours, I need more time to be ready for Monday.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has viewed:

My kids couldn’t care less about personal hygiene unless we are running late somewhere.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has viewed:

Taking my heart off my sleeve, I fold it up neatly and carefully place it back inside my chest.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has shared:

Tested positive for needing a kiss.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has shared:

Spent most of the day making sure my couch still works. So far so good.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has shared:

Apologize for the job that you do. It would be nice if you were talented too.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has copied:

I hate when I get ready too quickly and have to sit on the couch, fully dressed, and wait like an idiot.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has bookmarked:

The masculine urge to make a woman sit through a YouTube video that she will not find funny or entertaining.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has downloaded:

Family fistfights brought to you by Monopoly.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Jan 31, 2026

3,492

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Women know the exact weight of their children and their age in days. Men just know that little people live with them.

Seen just now on Threads:

My favorite hobby is withering away.

Just landed via X:

I’m not athletic, but I’m good at jumping to conclusions.

Making waves on Discord:

What do people do with all the extra time they save by writing ‘k’ instead of ‘ok’?

Going viral on YouTube:

Can someone please invent 8 hours between 9 p.m. and midnight?

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Ruined a Ferrari guy’s day today by telling him that I loved his Corvette.

Trending via Messenger:

The only things that are really cool in my company are my salary and me.

Breaking via Instagram:

What a lot of people don’t understand about mountain climbing is: don’t do that!

Trending via Threads:

Sometimes I delete a post because I remember I’m too old for it.

Going bananas on WeChat:

Accidentally made eye contact with the sweets at the grocery store and now have to declare bankruptcy.

Spotify: enjoy the next 30 minutes commercial free. Also Spotify: we have no concept of time.

1 week ago

Witty text highlighting Spotify's humorous take on endless commercials and time confusion.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Ah, Spotify, where time is merely a suggestion and ads are forever lurking in the shadows like ninjas 🕰️🎶 Don't worry, just sit back, relax, and get lost in the musical void… until suddenly, BAM! Ad-break attack! ⏳🎧 #SpotifyChronicles

30, commercial, concept, enjoy, enjoyment, free, humor, irony, minutes, music, next, Spotify, time

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Social Media Stars ⭐

55 shares on WhatsApp this month:

It’s getting slide guitar and harmonica hot outside.

53 shares on Telegram this month:

Does running away from my problems count as cardio?

72 shares on Slack this month:

I’m not saying I’m old, but when I was in school, we made our parents ashtrays for Christmas.

24 shares on TikTok this month:

I wasn’t sure why the doctor prescribed LSD for my constipation, until I saw a dragon and shit myself.

15 shares on Reddit this month:

I’m writing a book on the joys of drinking beer. So far I’ve been through a lot of drafts.

17 shares on TikTok this month:

Odd people reviewing a dessert: It’s not too sweet which is what I like.

10 shares on TikTok this month:

Thinking of telling my extra weight that I love it so that it can leave me too.

53 shares on YouTube this month:

I love being an adult and sitting absolutely still and suddenly I’ve hurt my neck somehow.

94 shares on Messenger this month:

All I’m saying is that big burgers should be wider not taller.

75 shares on Snapchat this month:

Maybe one day a street will be named after me. Or a school. Or a mental hospital.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

22 folks are currently checking 👀

A woman’s sigh can speak a 1000 words.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Where do they get the seeds to plant seedless watermelons?

19 folks are currently checking 👀

It turns out, as you get older, you don’t actually figure anything out; you just don’t have any energy to care anymore.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

I am sick and tired of going to the bathroom. It’s been forty years. It should all be out by now.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Massage therapist asked how I felt about chiropractics and I told her the guy who invented it says he learned it from a ghost, and that shut the conversation down pretty quick.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Any place is a walkable city if you’re broke enough.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

If you ever get locked out of your house, talk to your lock calmly. Because communication is key.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Humans should grow a new set of teeth in our 30s to make-up for all the poor decisions in our 20s.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ve got to start taking better care of myself. Tomorrow I’ll walk to the liquor store.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

My love language is deader than Latin.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,737

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇷 has viewed:

The sound of a buzzing fly is enough to ruin my whole mood.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has bookmarked:

Today, I noticed that the cover of my ironing board was wrinkled, and I laughed at the irony. Then I laughed again because of the word “irony.”

Someone from 🇱🇮 has copied:

I love hard, but I stupid harder.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has shared:

Procrastination isn’t a horrible thing. I mean, you always have something to do tomorrow… plus you have nothing to do today.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has bookmarked:

Yes, officer I saw the speed limit, I just didn’t see your car.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has downloaded:

If one door opens when another door closes, your house is probably haunted.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has copied:

Remind the demons under your bed that you’re the landlord, raise the rent.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has bookmarked:

Call a girl beautiful 1000 times and she won’t notice. Call her fat once and she will never forget. That’s because elephants never forget.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has viewed:

Yeah, sex is cool, but have you ever crawled out of the worst depression of your life and got your spark back?

Someone from 🇷🇸 has viewed:

If you have a Roomba, but don’t dress it up in little outfits, then what are you even doing?

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Facebook:

By the power vested in me by Facebook, I now pronounce you unfriended and restricted. You may now kiss my butt.

Making waves on TikTok:

Cowboy outfits should be called ranch dressing.

Shared recently on TikTok:

Praying to God with a Chinese accent, and he is cracking up.

Seen just now on WeChat:

The first two drinks don’t count if you have social anxiety, they just turn you into a normal person.

Just shared via Reddit:

I like my mornings to be slow and quiet. I want the day to romance me a bit before it tries to mess me up.

Just shared via Slack:

(to my executioner) I wish we had met before this. You seem cool.

Just shared via Facebook:

I just want a bar where I can pour my own drink, have music at a normal volume, and there are no people, and it’s my house.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Why do women complain about size but moan when fingered?

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Carrying a baby for nine months and then naming it Chet is insane.

Freshly posted on X:

It’s important to follow your significant other around the grocery store, not helping, and only hovering like the specter of death.

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