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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇶🇦 has viewed:

“Your account balance is low!” Brother, wait until you see my will to live.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has bookmarked:

Why sleep when you can stay up all night overthinking?

Someone from 🇧🇸 has downloaded:

Relationships are actually easy when you’re not dating a lying weirdo.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has downloaded:

My motivation and me: It’s complicated.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has shared:

Are oranges called oranges because they are orange, or is the color orange called orange because an orange is orange?

Someone from 🇾🇪 has copied:

I am not someone you have to entertain if you invite me, because I will have canceled.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has shared:

When I take a shower I’m: 5% cleaning myself, 10% singing, 85% making life changing decisions.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has downloaded:

I may be ugly, but I used to be uglier.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has copied:

If you’ve been talking for 5 minutes straight, it might be someone else’s turn.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has bookmarked:

My wife had a dream that I have a secret second wife named Linda. Now, when she’s mad at me, I just say, “Linda wouldn’t get mad about that.”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,651

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Discord:

Some people are like ads, just skip.

Making waves on Telegram:

My dating era has come to an end. I’d like to thank those who participated.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Hanging out with your parents as an adult is so interesting, cause it’s like, “Oh, so that’s why I’m like this.”

Seen just now on Messenger:

Life is so funny because you think you look good today and a year later you look even better.

Just shared via Slack:

It’s freaking me out to think of how bad I’d look at the Met Gala.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Nothing more rude than taking a photo of yourself and it looking like how you actually look, and not how you look inside your head.

Spotted on Threads:

I use karate strictly as a last resort, after I’ve exhausted fleeing and screaming.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

Asked my therapist who their therapist was and went to see them. Asked them the same thing until I got to the final boss therapist and defeated them with my trainwreck of a life.

Making waves on Telegram:

Website: We use cookies to improve performance. Me: Same.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

I once made the irresponsible decision to drink and drive and now I have to live the rest of my days with a coffee stain on my favorite sweater.

A big part of my job as a parent is moving things away from the edges of countertops.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Parenting: where you become a master at playing 'Move It Before It Falls' on expert mode! 🤹‍♂️🚼 #ParentLife"

away, big, countertops, daily, daily life, home, humor, job, life, moving, parent, parenting, responsibility, safety, things

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Due to personal reasons, I’ll be using humor to hide pain.

0

2 months ago

comedy, coping, disguise, due, emotions, hide, humor, laughter, pain, personal, personal reasons, reasons
I’m actually breaking generational curses by surviving my 20s without marrying a man who hates me.

0

2 months ago

20s, actually, breaking, curse, empowerment, generational, generational curse, hate, independence, man, marry, me, self-love, survive
You have to be careful about sending your spouse things on social media. You send too many things, next thing you know chores are being redistributed because of “all the free time you clearly have”.

0

2 months ago

being, careful, chores, communication, free, free time, humor, know, media, next, relationship, responsibility, send, social, social media, spouse, thing, things, time, too
Today I was in a taxi, and the taxi driver said, “I love my job. I am my own boss, nobody tells me what to do!” Then I said, “Turn left.”

0

2 months ago

am, boss, command, conversation, driver, driving, humor, i, job, joke, left, love, me, navigation, nobody, own, said, taxi, taxi driver, today, turn
You’re no Sultan of Swing, buddy, you’re hardly a Governor of Groove.

0

2 months ago

buddy, comparison, genre, groove, humor, music, music genre, musical, musical skill, playful, playful tease, remark, rhythm, sarcasm, skill, swing, tease, witty, witty remark
The smaller the woman, the bigger the attitude. It’s science.

0

2 months ago

attitude, bigger, confidence, humor, personality, science, size, smaller, woman

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

87 shares on Snapchat this month:

Never underestimate my ability to effortlessly make something more difficult than it needs to be.

19 shares on Twitch this month:

She poured the milk before the cereal. It was not meant to be.

98 shares on Messenger this month:

I’m afraid to go to therapy — what if they fix me and I lose my funny?

85 shares on Reddit this month:

I need to eat healthier but donuts exist.

31 shares on Reddit this month:

I get easily confused in the morning. Also in the afternoon and evening.

80 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I miss the old days back in 1955, when I didn’t exist.

90 shares on Threads this month:

I wish my midlife crisis made me want to get a gym membership and a revenge body, but instead I’m eating Snickers for breakfast in bed.

92 shares on X this month:

Spice up your meltdown through interpretive dance.

93 shares on TikTok this month:

Running from your problems is cardio.

80 shares on Pinterest this month:

50% of parenting is just trying to decide if that noise is worth walking up all of those stairs.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇴 has downloaded:

My CV is so good, companies are still reading it for 9 months.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has shared:

That awkward moment when you leave a store without buying anything, and all you can think is: “Act normal, you are innocent.”

Someone from 🇮🇳 has bookmarked:

Me: Hello, darkness, my old friend. Darkness: I have a boyfriend.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has downloaded:

One minute you’re young and fun, and the next, you’re turning down the stereo in your car to see better.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has shared:

I want a girlfriend so she can make me do shit like pottery, and I act like I don’t want to go.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has bookmarked:

That uncle or aunt who kept their distance from the rest of the family will start making more sense as you get older.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has copied:

Is it too late to reset my life back to factory settings?

Someone from 🇹🇩 has downloaded:

We get it, comma, you went to Oxford.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has downloaded:

I don’t need a maid. I just need someone to tell me once a week that they’re coming to visit, and I’ll panic-clean my entire house in less than an hour.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has downloaded:

Girls only want one thing, and it’s to be photographed candidly on 35mm film.

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Reddit:

I’ve never met a garlic bread I didn’t get on with.

Making waves on Reddit:

The lack of a pope has got me acting wild.

Shared recently on Threads:

Hot wings have killed many people starting with a dude named Icarus.

Just landed via Telegram:

80% of arguments start because someone hasn’t eaten yet.

Just landed via Pinterest:

My cat, who has no job and pays no rent, is apparently unhappy with his fancy new cat food, and I, for some reason, am currently on my way back to the store to rectify the matter.

Seen just now on Threads:

If someone texts “Do you have a minute,” it’s a trick. Don’t fall for it.

Spotted on Reddit:

To quote Hamlet Act III, Scene III, Line 92 “No.”

Making waves on LinkedIn:

The weather’s got more mood swings than a reality show reunion.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

In Hell, “Cotton Eye Joe” plays on an eternal loop. The heat and fire are actually pleasant compared to that.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

A big part of my job as a parent is moving things away from the edges of countertops.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Due to personal reasons, I’ll be using humor to hide pain.

I’m actually breaking generational curses by surviving my 20s without marrying a man who hates me.

You have to be careful about sending your spouse things on social media. You send too many things, next thing you know chores are being redistributed because of “all the free time you clearly have”.

Today I was in a taxi, and the taxi driver said, “I love my job. I am my own boss, nobody tells me what to do!” Then I said, “Turn left.”

You’re no Sultan of Swing, buddy, you’re hardly a Governor of Groove.

The smaller the woman, the bigger the attitude. It’s science.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨