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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇩 has bookmarked:

Any day now, there will be a child born and named Labubu.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has copied:

If you would just let me help, you’d be in an even worse position than you are now.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has bookmarked:

My superpower is always picking the line at the grocery store that moves the slowest.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has viewed:

Hired a financial advisor, and his first piece of advice was that I don’t make nearly enough money to justify paying a financial advisor.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has bookmarked:

If your girlfriend doesn’t go a little psycho on you from time to time, then she’s not in love with you, sweetie.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has bookmarked:

Salt is just angry sugar.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has shared:

Imagine being a giraffe and having to throw up.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has viewed:

But are we sure that stomachs are meant to be flat?

Someone from 🇦🇸 has shared:

At some point in life, you graduate from Family Guy to American Dad.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has shared:

If the interviewer doesn’t think it’s cool when you pull a quarter out of his ear, the job wasn’t good enough for you anyways.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,271

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Facebook:

After 30, an all-nighter is not getting up to pee.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Asking the birds outside my window if they know any Metallica.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Checking Twitter now is like staring into your refrigerator to see if anything good has magically appeared.

Going viral on YouTube:

There should be bloopers at the end of horror films to relax the viewer before sleeping.

Seen just now on Slack:

I hate when you leave your phone on the side, and it brings up that red evil clock.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

The worst thing you can do while cleaning is sit down for a minute.

Just shared via Facebook:

Stop eating cakes with the fakes and come eat a bundt with a cundt.

Seen just now on Discord:

Sharing wired earphones is a forgotten form of intimacy.

Making waves on TikTok:

You can be anything. Be the person who ends the meeting early.

Shared recently on YouTube:

I hate to break it to you, guys, but my husband says you’re not real. He just called you my imaginary friends.

A good relationship is when she is by your side during bad times to tell you that none of this would have happened if you had just listened to her.

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A good relationship is when she is by your side during bad times to tell you that none of this would have happened if you had just listened to her.
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Commentary:
When she's right even when the universe is against you! 🤦‍♂️❤️🔮

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

54 shares on Slack this month:

Boys are disgusting. Can’t believe I like these things.

56 shares on Telegram this month:

I started calling the new guy at work “Grok” because he thinks he knows everything.

16 shares on TikTok this month:

The human body is amazing. One half-open eye and the brain under emergency power are enough to make coffee.

99 shares on Facebook this month:

Never signed up for a 401k cause there’s no way in hell I can run that far.

26 shares on Threads this month:

Eating wings is the opposite of flying.

56 shares on Twitch this month:

Why make new mistakes when you can keep repeating the same old familiar ones.

71 shares on Snapchat this month:

The worst part about borrowing money is having to pay it back or move to a new city.

32 shares on Instagram this month:

I think every app should, by law, let you deactivate all of its short-form video content.

50 shares on X this month:

If this meeting were any slower, it’d be a landscape painting.

96 shares on Telegram this month:

Money does not buy happiness, but it’s better to cry in a sports car than on a bicycle.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

11 folks are currently checking 👀

When I get filthy rich, I will stay humble by continuing to use grocery bags as bathroom trash bags.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Please don’t tell me how bad your life was growing up; we had to manually roll up our cars’ windows.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Do you also watch porn until the end to see if they end up getting married?

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I disagree with everyone and think relationships should be easy.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

I’d stalk me too, I get it.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

They should go crazier with lab-grown meat. Invent some new animals or something. Mammoth burger.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

You’re the ‘S’ to my ‘HTTP’; without you, I’m just a bad connection!

15 folks are currently checking 👀

French fries are like the lifeboats on the Titanic. They never give you enough.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

What is your favorite movie where Tom Cruise runs really fast?

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Laxatives help you live up to your full pooptential.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,273

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇨 has viewed:

You’re over 35. Better go pee before you leave, pee when you get there, pee while you’re there, and pee before you leave.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has viewed:

“You’re so quiet!” Thanks! I actually tried to speak twice but you kept talking over me.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has downloaded:

They should let you spend one night in a house before you buy/rent it, just to make sure it’s haunted.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has viewed:

Am I just an Untitled Document to you?

Someone from 🇧🇳 has downloaded:

“She’s so self-centered”—who’s supposed to be the center of my life? You?

Someone from 🇫🇷 has shared:

I love when I clean my whole apartment just to sit in it like a Victorian widow waiting for bad news.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has shared:

If you think swimming with dolphins is expensive, you should try swimming with sharks. It cost me an arm and a leg!

Someone from 🇮🇱 has viewed:

My New Year’s resolution is to procrastinate. I’Il start tomorrow.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has bookmarked:

I cannot imagine being in high school right now. Imagine the world is eating itself alive and you’re in school.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has shared:

90% of the things I worry about never happen. Worrying works.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on YouTube:

My handwriting makes a pharmacist look like a calligrapher.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Roses are red. Blue got me thinking. I reckon it’s time for some excessive day drinking…

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Weight gain makes me sad. Luckily, eating cheers me right back up.

Live now on YouTube:

Swimming is so embarrassing, everyone can see you want to be alive.

Spotted on X:

Welcome to your 40’s: you get excited about avocados now.

Just landed via WeChat:

Vibrators are wrong and unnatural. The Bible said Adam and Eve, not Florence and the Machine.

Shared recently on TikTok:

I’m sorry if I seem weird, it’s because I am.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

In medieval Europe, it was pretty easy to amass vast armies eager to go into battle and have their heads chopped off because no one wanted to be alive in medieval Europe.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

A month in Italy has halved my will to work and doubled my desire for money.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

There’s a guy who thinks he’s going to Yale, but it’s jail.

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