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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇳 has copied:

I always have a bad connection in my head when someone tries to explain a card or board game to me.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has viewed:

Getting to know someone these days is impossible. No one is really single, everyone has something going on, is hung up on their ex or is otherwise damaged in some way.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has shared:

At the end of my appointment, the doctor took her own blood pressure.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has viewed:

What genius called it road rage and not locomotive?

Someone from 🇲🇹 has shared:

We’ve been talking about eating the rich for so long, they got over-ripe.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has shared:

I need money, not feelings.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has viewed:

Who decided that “microwaves that beep forever” was a feature we needed.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has bookmarked:

Hope this email finds you moonwalking out of work early.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has downloaded:

Nothing makes me more stabby than when my husband ignores me and starts talking to the dog.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has downloaded:

I don’t get why banks tie pens with strings. We trust them with money, but they can’t trust us with a single pen.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Jan 19, 2026

3,306

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Instagram:

You now have the chance to be the first person to send me nudes.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

I will die on this hill or any hill really. I have no hill preference.

Seen just now on WeChat:

What doesn’t kill you makes you weird at intimacy.

Going bananas on Threads:

I can usually cope with the opinions of others because I don’t listen.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Having a crush is so stupid. Like, why is this dude in my head at 8 am?

Just shared via Threads:

Showing my barber a picture of a dinosaur.

Broadcasted on Slack:

Don’t go keto, go pirate. Rum, fish and beef jerky diet.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Flip me over like a cassette tape, and play me again.

Just shared via YouTube:

I drive home so quick after work like I’m late for the house.

Seen just now on Telegram:

The worst part about being drunk and seeing double is when you realize it’s just one slice of pizza.

Funny bodily function quotes

Funny bodily function quotes 💨😂 bring a hilarious twist to the everyday things our bodies do! From sneezes to burps and everything in between, these witty sayings turn awkward moments into laughter 🤣. Whether you’re looking to lighten the mood or share a giggle with friends, these playful quotes are sure to tickle your funny bone and remind us all that sometimes, it’s okay to just laugh at ourselves! 🎉😄

New funny bodily function quotes 👇

I always need to pee, but it’s just because my heart is so big it pushes on my bladder.

15 hours ago

always, big, big heart, bladder, bodily, bodily function, exaggeration, function, heart, humor, i, just, need, pee
Accepting you’re about to throw up, gotta be the worst feeling on God’s green earth.

1 day ago

bodily, bodily function, discomfort, Earth, feeling, function, gods, green, nausea, sickness, throw, throw up, worst, worst feeling
Some nights I stay up hella late just farting.

1 day ago

bodily, bodily function, farting, function, habit, humor, i, just, late, late night habit, night, nights, stay, staying, staying up late
I need to drink less water. This peeing situation is out of control.

2 weeks ago

bathroom, bodily, bodily function, control, drink, function, humor, i, less, need, pee, peeing, situation, water
In a packed elevator, everyone is silent. Stomach: I will now demonstrate the mating call of a whale.

2 months ago

awkward, awkward moment, bodily, bodily function, call, elevator, everyone, function, humor, i, mating, moment, noise, silence, silent, stomach, whale
Nobody says, ‘Bless you,’ when you fart.

2 months ago

bless, bless you, bodily, bodily function, fart, function, humor, manners, nobody
Farts are just the ghosts of the things we eat.

2 months ago

bodily, bodily function, digestion, eat, fart, food, function, ghost, ghosts, humor, joke, just, things
I just sneezed and farted at the same time. I think my body just took a screenshot.

2 months ago

bodily, bodily function, body, comedy, fart, function, funny moment, humor, i, joke, just, moment, quirky, same, screenshot, sneeze, think, time, unexpected
Just peed so much that a little laugh came out.

3 months ago

accident, bodily, bodily function, came, embarrassment, function, humor, joke, just, laugh, little, pee

All funny bodily function quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

77 shares on Slack this month:

I need you to think about me 23/7. You get 1 hour a day for yourself.

51 shares on YouTube this month:

Someday I’ll learn how to emotion like a proper human.

21 shares on Reddit this month:

Getting my next boyfriend a flip phone. He doesn’t need anything more.

50 shares on Instagram this month:

Babe, are you OK? You’ve barely touched your unread books.

27 shares on Reddit this month:

I need someone to look at me the way I look at memes.

93 shares on Snapchat this month:

They say money doesn’t solve all problems, but it will surely solve all of mine.

36 shares on YouTube this month:

I will never fall victim to groupthink. I have perfectly unique opinions that no one else has, and they are the dumbest nonsense you’ve ever heard.

69 shares on Pinterest this month:

Your 20s should be spent nervously sitting on the edge of the bed with rigid posture.

64 shares on Messenger this month:

Women know the exact weight of their children and their age in days. Men just know that little people live with them.

56 shares on LinkedIn this month:

We should start referring to age as “levels.” So when you’re level 80, it sounds a lot cooler than just being an older person.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Jesus turned water into wine. I turn food into fertilizer. We are not the same.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I accidentally used my dog’s shampoo today, and now I’m feeling like such a good girl.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ve reached the age where I would rather go to a hardware store than a club.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Welcome to your 40s—you run out of breath trying to find your running shoes.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Cats spend two-thirds of their lives sleeping, and the other third making viral videos.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

If all men are the same, why does it take women so long to choose one?

23 folks are currently checking 👀

They hooked up tubes and sensors, but the doctor still can’t figure out why my kisses are so sweet. They want to hold me overnight and “never let go.”

11 folks are currently checking 👀

The problem with self-checkout is that all the cashiers are idiots.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

One of the keys to happiness is a bad memory.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I wonder if people that fall asleep right away know that we hate them.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,302

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇱 has viewed:

Everyone hates math until their paycheck looks funny, then all of a sudden you know trigonometry.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has copied:

My superpower? Staying calm when talking to idiots.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has downloaded:

I enjoy the freedom of speech, because if you let crazy people talk, they’ll totally tell you they’re crazy.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has shared:

The difference between the kids table and the adults table during holiday dinners is that there is much more screaming, crying, and arguing at the adults table.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has shared:

Crazy part about being an overthinker is most times you right.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has viewed:

Don’t invite me places. I was cesarean. I didn’t want to come out then and I certainly don’t want to now.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has copied:

Can we bring back the lost art of just hanging out at your friends house doing absolutely nothing?

Someone from 🇺🇿 has downloaded:

I really don’t get enough praise for someone who doesn’t need validation from others.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has copied:

Blowing kisses to my coworkers so that nobody talks to me today.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has downloaded:

This is about the time of year where my enthusiasm about shoveling snow turns into “it will probably melt on it’s own”.

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on YouTube:

My kids couldn’t care less about personal hygiene unless we are running late somewhere.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

That gap in my resume is from when I was lost at sea.

Freshly posted on Discord:

The ‘E’ in my name stands for ‘Everything you need.’

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

Hi, where do you meet someone without dating apps and if you never leave your apartment? I need tips, please. Urgently!

Freshly posted on Facebook:

There are no adults in the room. The cavalry is not coming. Everything was built by people no smarter than you.

Going viral on Instagram:

Eating rice with my hands, but not in a political way. In a lazy, fat guy way.

Shared recently on X:

Do you ever feel like you’re a white shirt and life is a red wine?

Broadcasted on Threads:

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing.

Breaking via Threads:

Forget tagging friends, I want to be able to tag my enemies.

Just landed via Discord:

Photos are cool because they are like now but for later.

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