Commentary:
I knew the weather app got too advanced when it started setting me up for dates! ☔️📱😂
240 Funny call quotes
Depression is embarrassing because sometimes it makes you miss appointments and not return phone calls, and when the fog starts to lift, you gotta do a whole bloody apology tour.
Commentary:
When your life's been sponsored by Anxiety Inc., and you're now on the "Oops, I Ghosted You" tour 🙈📞🎭
So we have actual fact checkers who know all the facts? Why not create a TV channel where they just give us the facts? We could call it the News.
Commentary:
"Breaking News: Fact checkers discover the news was supposed to have facts all along! 🎤🐸📺"
I finally figured out my lifelong dream of becoming a human blanket, but my friends still call it napping on their couch.
Commentary:
Dreams really do come true; too bad my friends won't pay me for my professional couch-warming services! 🛋️😴🔥
I called the cops on my own party, because I was ready to go to bed.
Commentary:
When you know you're the life of the party but also the head of the bedtime committee 😂🛏️🎉
So I got a call from a telemarketer, and he said he couldn’t understand me. I told him, “Press 1 for English.”
Commentary:
When life gives you telemarketers, give them a taste of their own menu! 🤣☎️ Press 1 for a good laugh!
Just because I’m up sharing posts at 7 a.m. doesn’t mean I’m up. Don’t call my phone.
Commentary:
Still buffering in the morning like a Wi-Fi connection in the basement 😂📱🌛
Why do they call it a garage sale instead of a garbage sale?
Commentary:
When you find out that your neighbors have been decluttering, not downsizing their trash cans 😂🗑️🚗
People call me a “Trekkie,” but I’m not. I’ve only seen Star Wars a couple of times.
Commentary:
Boldly going where no 'Trekkie' has gone before… straight into the wrong fandom 🚀🌌😂
You miss 100% of the gossip from the phone calls you don’t answer.
Commentary:
Is this why my voicemail has been renamed to 'Missed Drama Collection'? 😂📞💬