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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇹 has bookmarked:

I don’t get treadmills, I mean if I walk I better reach somewhere.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has bookmarked:

Just drafted the drunk text I’m going to send after one drink this weekend.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has copied:

Shut up brain, I wasn’t even talking to me.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has shared:

I’ve already broken all my resolutions and like four commandments.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has shared:

That moment when you finish watching a TV series and you don’t know what to do with your life any more.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has viewed:

I will never understand why our washing machines feel the need to lie about how much time is left. If you need more time, just let me know, that’s fine.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has bookmarked:

Food is like sex: When you abstain, even the worst stuff begins to look good.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has bookmarked:

Who would have thought that eating a can of beans would backfire like this?

Someone from 🇱🇾 has downloaded:

I hope all of you get laid and not laid off this year. Amen.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has shared:

If I was a microplastic, I would simply not go in the ocean or anyone’s mouth.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

809 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,971

Funny Quotes Topics

13,936

Funny Quotes Images

10,971

Updated

56 minutes ago

Users Online

3,432

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Telegram:

Every time I have to repeat myself, a new curse word gets added into the sentence.

Just landed via Reddit:

I don’t want to alarm anyone, but there’s only 365 shopping days left until Christmas.

Making waves on Telegram:

I’m accused of being a plagiarist. Their words, not mine.

Live now on YouTube:

Did we do it, did we save the daylight?

Trending via Reddit:

When someone asks me what my dream job is, it’s just like “I don’t know dude, I don’t dream about jobs”

Broadcasted on WeChat:

I have determined there is no quiet way to get a pan out of a cabinet in the morning.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Your secret is safe with me because I don’t care.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

The only difference between hungry and horny is where you insert the cucumber.

Seen just now on Threads:

Keep your temper. Nobody else wants it.

Breaking via Twitch:

When I take a walk, I bring dog treats and people treats. I almost never mix them up.

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

809 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,971

Funny Quotes Topics

13,936

Funny Quotes Images

10,971

Updated

56 minutes ago

Users Online

3,421

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇮 has copied:

It’s legally required that you lose a frisbee onto the roof within one week of purchase.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has copied:

Egg nog was invented in Germany back in 1816 when Baron von Heldebrandt reportedly said “Hey guys, let’s get this custard drunk!”

Someone from 🇬🇦 has shared:

Looks like it’s just you and me tonight, family size Toblerone.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has copied:

The first Humans saw the sun go up and then back down, and so they decided to call it a day.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has downloaded:

‘You’re going to die alone!’ Okay, when did dying become a group project?

Someone from 🇧🇫 has shared:

Any tips on being smart? For someone just getting into thinking.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has downloaded:

I always fear that one day I will enter my house and find a thief, knocked out unconscious by the things fallen on his head from some closet.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has viewed:

Never skip the footnotes – it’s here you find out who made the author angry enough to write the article.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has shared:

I might be annoying, but at least my lock screen isn’t a selfie.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has copied:

Going to the beach is 99% getting ready for the beach and 1% enjoying the beach.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Just so you know, it’s almost impossible to drink coffee while laying down.

Making waves on Pinterest:

If swimming is such good exercise, explain whales.

Shared recently on WeChat:

Sorry, I’m late. My alarm didn’t go off because I didn’t set it, because I don’t want to be here.

Just shared via Discord:

I need a stunt double for when I’m navigating my way to the bathroom at night.

Just landed via Pinterest:

The only constant in my life are the accidental screenshots of my lock screen.

Live now on Telegram:

Of course I stay hydrated. Carbohydrated.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

Can’t. I’m busy taking this Buzzfeed quiz to find out what kind of potato I am.

Just shared via Messenger:

In honor of Charles Dickens, I will also be poor this Christmas.

Just shared via YouTube:

I’m trying to be awesome today, but I’m too exhausted from being so awesome yesterday.

Shared recently on Threads:

Yesterday I wore something from 5 years ago and it actually fit. So proud of myself. It was a scarf, but still, let’s be positive here.

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