Commentary:
Five-year plans? I'm just aiming for five-minute ones! 😂📅🧠
625 Funny day quotes
You can’t fix stupid, but you can watch it in action on Facebook every day.
Commentary:
Just when you think you've seen it all, Facebook says, "Hold my WiFi!" 😂📱🙈
One day you burned a CD for the last time and didn’t even realize it.
Commentary:
Looks like CDs are officially collecting more dust than my gym membership! 💿😅🏋️♂️
There’s no post-breakup healing process for girls. You just wake up one day and be like, “Ew,” and you’re free.
Commentary:
When your brain hits the emotional refresh button and you're suddenly over it 😂✨ #FreedomDay #JustLikeThat
Bro to bro: Never get your haircut on the day of a special event.
Commentary:
That risky pre-event haircut deserves its own invite to the party 🎉✂️😅
The closest I get to a spa day is when I’m draining pasta, and the steam smacks me in the face.
Commentary:
Pasta steam facial: zero dollars, maximum relaxation 😉🍝💨
I hate when people ask me, “What did you do today?” Like, buddy, listen, I woke up at noon and then it was five p.m., okay? I don’t know.
Commentary:
Time flies when you're busy doing absolutely nothing! 😂⏰🛋️
It feels like it costs $100 a day just to exist anymore.
Commentary:
Glad I'm not getting charged rent for living in my own head… yet! 😂💸💭
I am “We read the newspaper front to back every single day,” years old.
Commentary:
So you're at the age where knowing tomorrow's weather is more exciting than tomorrow's party forecast? 🌦️📰😂
They say an apple a day keeps a doctor away. But what do I need to eat to keep everyone away?
Commentary:
Ever tried garlic for breakfast? Guaranteed social distancing 😂🧄🚶♂️