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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇲 has viewed:

I feel like I’ve skipped the whole ‘go out and have fun’ stage and went straight to being an 80-year-old woman.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has copied:

I quit boxing the moment I realized my opponent was allowed to punch me in the face, too.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has bookmarked:

The Cranberries. Great band name. You pick a fruit and you get to work.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has bookmarked:

Pretending to be a well-adjusted, functioning adult is so exhausting.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has viewed:

Due to intense brain fog all of my thoughts have been grounded until further notice.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has viewed:

And so ends another week without me getting rich unexpectedly.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has shared:

My sleep schedule and I are not on speaking terms.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has viewed:

The 70s, 80s, and 90s were the best decades – so many memories, no evidence.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has bookmarked:

Set my sex robot to boyfriend mode and now it’s liking other girls’ pictures on Insta.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has copied:

Carefully choosing which wine to pair with a McRib.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,567

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via TikTok:

Life hack: Allow yourself 8–12 hours of alone time every morning to prepare for the day.

Going bananas on Discord:

True luxury is sleeping until you wake up by yourself.

Going viral on Twitch:

Deleted all my dating apps. I’m ready to find the love of my life in World of Warcraft.

Spotted on Facebook:

Imagine not sleeping with plushies. You guys are gonna get eaten by monsters.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Maybe the reason Miss Piggy is still single is she has a fear of kermitment.

Just shared via YouTube:

It’s quite ironic that “strap on,” backwards, spells “no parts.”

Going viral on Reddit:

The recipe I’m making specifically says allow to cook undisturbed, and yet my whole family is standing in the kitchen.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

It’s strange that watching paint dry is considered boring but going to an art gallery is considered interesting. That’s just watching paint that’s already dry.

Just shared via Discord:

Having to choose between an old guy or a convicted felon is a perfect depiction of what dating apps are Iike.

615 Funny day quotes

More funny day quotes 👇

Eight times a day, I ask myself which object in the office will hurt me enough so that I can go home, but at the same time won’t hurt too much.

2 weeks ago

ask, day, escape, home, humor, hurt, i, me, much, myself, object, office, pain, same, time, times, too
Halloween is the only day you can ghost someone and blame it on being festive.

2 weeks ago

being, blame, day, festive, ghost, Halloween, humor, relationships, social, someone
I have so much planned today that I was already tired thinking of it yesterday.

2 weeks ago

busy, busy day, day, humor, i, much, overthinking, planning, procrastination, thinking, tired, today, yesterday
Anyone who deals with customers on a professional basis should be allowed to hand out one face slap per day.

2 weeks ago

customer, day, face, face slap, frustration, hand, humor, interaction, professional, service, should, slap, workplace
Done with work today. The work day isn’t over, I’m just done with it.

2 weeks ago

break, day, done, humor, job, just, over, productivity, quitting, today, work
If you ever need me, call me any time, day or night, and I’ll return your call when I get around to it.

2 weeks ago

around, call, day, ever, friendship, humor, i, me, need, night, procrastination, return, time
Sunday is my favorite day where I pretend I’m going to do something productive.

2 weeks ago

day, favorite, favorite day, going, humor, i, pretend, procrastination, productive, relaxation, something, Sunday, where
Going to the beach the day after watching Jaws hits different.

2 weeks ago

activity, beach, day, different, experience, fear, fun, fun activity, going, humor, Jaws, movie, ocean, shark, summer, watching
A garlic a day keeps the doctor away.

2 weeks ago

away, daily, daily routine, day, doctor, food, garlic, health, humor, routine, wellness
I think I’ll just sit here and waste oxygen all day.

2 weeks ago

day, here, humor, i, just, oxygen, procrastination, relax, sit, think, waste

For even more funny day quotes, hit next 👇

All funny day quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

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Social Media Stars ⭐

73 shares on Threads this month:

I love how this generation broke the previous misconception that “people with tattoos can’t get good jobs” and now we all agree that “people with and without tattoos can’t get good jobs”.

91 shares on Snapchat this month:

I highly recommend getting yourself a “How can I help” partner and not a “You will be fine” partner.

82 shares on Telegram this month:

The people that sing their heart out, but terribly, are my people.

26 shares on TikTok this month:

Anytime I switch deodorants, it’s like a sexy stranger is following me around all day.

86 shares on Telegram this month:

A sperm bank implies the existence of sperm markets, which further implies the existence of high-frequency sperm trading.

34 shares on Discord this month:

Every citizen over 18 should be eligible to be drafted into the Postal Service.

90 shares on Twitch this month:

We went out on a boat to see whales and the crew encouraged us to clap and cheer for the whales and boo at the regular fish.

37 shares on Reddit this month:

People don’t catch bullets with their teeth anymore, get out there and practice.

51 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Tuesday is just another Monday, but reheated.

25 shares on Pinterest this month:

Twitter is like group therapy but everyone’s yelling and no one’s licensed.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇶 has viewed:

Yabba dabba doo used to be a rad way to start a Saturday.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has bookmarked:

Every squad has that person who has to go home early.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has bookmarked:

Despite removing all the stains, I still lost my job as a church window cleaner.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has downloaded:

I have never “lit up a room” unless you count arson.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has shared:

Marriage is so scary. What do you mean I can’t have my own room?

Someone from 🇵🇦 has shared:

Sometimes I look deep into my colleagues’ eyes to check if you really can’t see the back of their skulls.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has bookmarked:

I’m going to break into your house and steal that thing with the little wheels on it under the plate in your microwave.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has bookmarked:

We need a true crime show called Downtown Stabby.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has shared:

I’m always looking for new and exciting ways to give up.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has copied:

Roses are pink. I need a drink.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Telegram:

Have you tried complaining about it?

Making waves on Reddit:

Age ceases to be just a number everytime the airline announces seating queue priority.

Seen just now on Slack:

Foreplay is great, I particularly like the part where I peel them, chop them into pieces, then roast them in the oven until they’re all crispy and delicious.

Going viral on Slack:

“AI is coming for your jobs!” I’d like to see AI send 5 emails a day and check their fantasy football line-ups on and off for 8 hours.

Just landed via Facebook:

Do clouds ever look down on us and say, “This one is shaped like an idiot”?

Going viral on Slack:

There are people that make their bed every morning and people who think it’s a waste of time, and then they marry each other.

Live now on Instagram:

Welcome to your senior years, where you get mad when they rearrange the grocery store.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Being awake is the worst.

Going bananas on Pinterest:

Kinda psycho that there’s a clothing brand called “Banana Republic.”

Breaking via X:

Commenting “humiliation ritual” on a pic of my friend out with his family.

Activity Log ✨

615 Funny day quotes

More funny day quotes 👇

All funny day quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨