444 Funny family quotes

• Cops wake up Christmas morning excited as hell to ignore their family and go sit on the highway with a radar gun for 10 hours.

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  5 hours ago

  boredom, Christmas, Christmas morning, cop, cops, enforcement, excited, family, gun, hell, highway, holiday, hours, humor, ignore, law, law enforcement, morning, radar, radar gun, sit, traffic, wake

• What no one ever considers is that the kids are pretending to believe in Santa for the sake of the parents.

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  5 hours ago

  belief, believe, childhood, ever, family, holiday, humor, kid, kids, parent, parents, pretend, pretending, Santa

• Honey, get in the car. We have to go to the store because we’re retarded, and it’s Christmas Eve.

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  2 days ago

  car, Christmas, Christmas Eve, eve, family, holiday, honey, humor, procrastination, store

• My mom is asking each ornament, “Where do you want to live?” before putting them on the tree.

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  2 days ago

  asking, before, Christmas, Christmas tree, decoration, family, holiday, live, mom, ornament, putting, tradition, tree, want, where

• “Home Alone” is a holiday reminder that peace begins the moment everyone leaves the house.

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  4 days ago

  alone, everyone, family, holiday, home, home alone, house, humor, moment, movie, peace, reminder

• Eventually, kids get old enough to see which parent was the problem.

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  5 days ago

  childhood, enough, family, humor, kid, kids, old, parent, parenting, problem

• Commenting “humiliation ritual” on a pic of my friend out with his family.

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  1 week ago

  commenting, family, friend, humiliation, humiliation ritual, humor, media, pic, picture, ritual, social, social media

• As a kid, I didn’t understand the subtext of ‘I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus’ at all. I thought Mommy was cheating.

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  1 week ago

  cheating, childhood, Christmas, claus, family, humor, i, kid, kissing, misunderstanding, mommy, Santa, Santa Claus, saw, song, thought, understand

• Once your parents move from “What time are you coming back” to “Are you coming back today,” you have won the war.

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  1 week ago

  back, coming, coming back, family, humor, move, once, parent, parents, relationship, time, today, war

• I apologize to my future son for the delay, but it’s just your mom ain’t replying.

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  1 week ago

  apologize, apology, communication, delay, family, future, future son, humor, i, just, mom, relationship, reply, replying, son, texting

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