458 Funny family quotes

• In the 80s, you could literally shrink your kids with a shrink-ray, and your wife wouldn’t divorce you. I’m pretty sure I saw a documentary film about it.

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  1 hour ago

  80s, divorce, documentary, family, film, humor, i, kid, kids, literally, pretty, retro, saw, shrink, shrink-ray, sure, technology, wife

• I love spending my parents’ money, they must pay for bringing me into this world.

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  2 hours ago

  child, debt, family, finance, humor, i, joke, love, me, money, parenting, parents, pay, spending, world

• In retrospect, I guess “one drunken night of stupidity” isn’t the best response when a child asks you where babies come from.

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  3 hours ago

  awkward, awkward moment, baby, best, child, conversation, drunken, drunken night, family, family conversation, guess, honesty, humor, i, moment, night, parenting, response, retrospect, stupidity, where

• Eventually, kids get old enough to see which parent was the problem.

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  3 hours ago

  childhood, enough, family, humor, kid, kids, old, parent, parenting, problem, relationship

• My family passed down mood swings and anxiety instead of money or houses.

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  4 hours ago

  anxiety, family, health, house, houses, humor, inheritance, mental, mental health, money, mood, mood swing, swing, swings

• Moms be like, “I needed this,” and it’s really just a break from being the one who holds it all together every single day.

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  5 hours ago

  being, break, daily, daily life, day, every, family, hold, hold it together, humor, i, just, life, mom, relief, single, stress, stress relief, together

• My favorite part of parenting is when the kids are bored enough to entertain themselves, but getting to that point is excruciating.

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  6 hours ago

  bored, boredom, enough, entertain, entertainment, family, family life, favorite, getting, humor, kid, kid boredom, kids, life, parenting, patience, point, self, self entertainment

• Telling my parents they’re like family to me.

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  7 hours ago

  family, humor, me, parent, parents, relationship, sarcasm, telling

• My southern family thinks my daily routine in NYC is that I wake up, try really hard not to get stabbed by a knife, and then I go see a musical.

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  7 hours ago

  city, city life, daily, daily routine, entertainment, family, hard, humor, i, knife, life, musical, NYC, routine, southern, southern family, stabbed, stabbing, stereotype, try, wake

• One day I’ll have a sassy, know-it-all daughter, and my husband will say, “She got that from you,” and I can’t wait.

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  8 hours ago

  daughter, day, family, got, humor, husband, i, know-it-all, parenting, personality, personality traits, Sassy, say, traits, wait

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