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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇯 has bookmarked:

My mom: sure use any towel. Also my mom: not that one.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has shared:

Probably the worst thing about pyramid schemes is how they make you advertise to all your friends and family that you are part of a pyramid scheme.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has shared:

Kids be like, I see you have a moment to yourself, and I must correct that immediately.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has shared:

If she says “it’s fine,” you’re probably in trouble.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has downloaded:

If Shakespeare were being born today, he’d be “Shaxxespyr.”

Someone from 🇧🇧 has bookmarked:

A thousand curses upon anyone who has ever gone, “Why are you sitting in the dark?” and then flipped the light on without asking.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has downloaded:

Autocorrect changed ‘are you around?’ to ‘are you aroused?’ and my buddy didn’t want to hang out today.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has downloaded:

Not pretty enough for Instagram, not funny enough for Twitter. Welcome to WhatsApp status.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has copied:

Some people find it strange when you talk to your pet. I find conversations with some people much stranger.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has bookmarked:

I don’t know how to explain it, but sometimes cheese just falls into my cart at the grocery store.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,385

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on YouTube:

The fewer the people, the greater the inner peace.

Spotted on Snapchat:

Parents saying “I know my child” will forever be the funniest joke.

Just shared via Facebook:

Wait, making the right choices is an option?!

Just landed via Discord:

The only running I do is to chase the ice cream truck.

Just shared via Pinterest:

If I were an organ, I’d fail.

Shared recently on Threads:

I’m in a comfy dress today, but I look like a potato in floral. Call me Nelly Flortato.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

The umbrella was going to be called brella, but the inventor hesitated.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Not opening up anymore, have fun trying to figure me out.

Just landed via Slack:

Be nice to your children’s teachers. Especially elementary ones, cause kids have loose lips and that teacher has all the dirt on you.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

One day you’re young and carefree and the next, you’re preheating the bathroom before you go in for a shower.

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Social Media Stars ⭐

100 shares on Messenger this month:

It’s a good thing that our phones only convey sight and sound. No offense, but from most of you I would never want to receive a smelfie!

11 shares on Reddit this month:

Journaling was the most useless thing l ever attempted. Not only am I still suffering but now there’s evidence.

12 shares on Threads this month:

Stop blaming others for your mistakes. Study Feng Shui and blame the furniture.

23 shares on Discord this month:

My toxic trait is binging a show too fast, then getting sad when I have nothing to watch.

69 shares on Messenger this month:

It’s healthy to be a little insane sometimes.

30 shares on Reddit this month:

Amazon cart: Order now and it will arrive today. Amazon confirmation email: LOL, just kidding, it’ll be a week from tomorrow.

79 shares on Pinterest this month:

Take me down to the Moria city, where the girls are green and the boys are stinky… and even Gandalf said ‘Nope, too freaky!’

80 shares on Slack this month:

Cooking your own meals really is the best way to devote 50 hours of your life every month to save $50.

25 shares on WeChat this month:

Exercise gives you energy, but you need energy to exercise. Sounds like a pyramid scheme to me.

68 shares on YouTube this month:

Unfortunately, forcing myself to take out the garbage, wash dishes, do a load of laundry, and vacuum has improved my mental health tenfold.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

19 folks are currently checking 👀

All these self-driving vehicles… It’s only a matter of time before we hear a country song about his truck leaving him.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

The only thing I miss all day is my bed.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

I love being an adult and sitting absolutely still and suddenly I’ve hurt my neck somehow.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I wonder if the sun also takes pictures of humanity going down?

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Waking up early is cool until it starts feeling like you’ve had a long day at 10 a.m.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

If you don’t have at least one white friend named “Matt”, then you are Matt.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

If Twitter has taught me anything, a lot of us aren’t ready for a spelling bee.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

I hate when teachers put “?” on my work, like I don’t know either.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Even at my most powerful, I’m still a little sleepy.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

I like how the Tooth Fairy got the job, and then subbed it out to everyone’s parents. That’s called “business savvy.”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,344

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇴 has downloaded:

I was so excited thinking tomorrow was Friday only to find out it is definitely not Friday.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has downloaded:

Nothing says sexy like a pair of sensible, silky polka dot PJs.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has viewed:

I like you so much, I’d actually learn your phone number.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has viewed:

When Chuck Norris was born, the doctor got slapped.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has viewed:

I think you would all treat me a lot better if I possessed a small amount of plutonium.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has viewed:

I hope the world needs to be saved from the apocalypse with video game skills so my teen’s entire life won’t have been a complete waste.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has copied:

Oh, so ChatGPT is gonna tell me about me? Seems gossipy.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has copied:

AirBnB is fun for when you want to be financially abused by a stranger with a binder filled with rules.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has bookmarked:

Instead of meeting any new people, I would much rather un-meet the ones I already know.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has copied:

I’ve been reading the room for 20 minutes. It’s not looking so good.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Facebook:

They’re putting me through the penny flattening machine at the zoo.

Just shared via Threads:

Flour company: What if we sell it in a paper bag that’s not fully sealed at the bottom?

Freshly posted on WeChat:

No, I can’t tonight. I already have plans to look at my phone somewhere else.

Freshly posted on X:

I often got called “an old soul” and such like by adults when I was a child. I think this was a kind way of saying I was a sad little freak.

Breaking via Twitch:

Being a dinosaur sounds kinda nice. No bills, no work, just extinct.

Live now on X:

What no one tells you about having kids is that within a few years you’re in possession of a lot of teeth that you have no idea what to do with.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

A haunted house, but it’s just you inside your own head.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Do cats have a sense of causation between grooming themselves and coughing up hairballs, or do they think it’s just an annoying separate thing which just happens to them sometimes?

Seen just now on Messenger:

I was having a great time until I remembered that I was ugly.

Shared recently on Instagram:

I’m 45% coffee, 40% wine and 6% cheese.

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