Commentary:
😂🔥 Adrenaline rush level 9000: Watching an ad while your popcorn catches fire! 🍿🚒
14833 Funny humor quotes
I was telling my sister that I’ve been going to the gym recently, and my nephew said, “You should go inside when you get there,” and I don’t think I’ll ever recover from that.
Commentary:
Nephew-level savage: 100, Ego: 0. Guess next time I’ll start with just opening the door! 🏋️♂️🚪🤣
There’s literally no law that says you can’t put your friends down as your references and pretend they were your boss at an old job. Literally, there’s no law that says that.
Commentary:
Just make sure your "boss" doesn't accidentally mention how you used to entertain the whole "office" with karaoke Fridays! 🎤😂
Sometimes I watch people do their jobs, and I’m like, damn, you might benefit from a little imposter syndrome, actually.
Commentary:
Taking notes for the next office meeting: 1) Develop imposter syndrome, 2) Teach a masterclass on "How Not to Do Your Job" 😂📋💼
My mental health walks make my mental health worse because I live in a shithole.
Commentary:
When your therapist said go for a walk, they didn’t mean through a live-action horror movie set 😂🏚️🌳
70% of marriage is yelling “What” from a different room.
Commentary:
Is it really love if you don't have to use your best dolphin impression to scream "What?" across the house? 😂🔊🏠
I don’t understand why it isn’t socially acceptable to choose to be nocturnal. The angry hot sky ball is gone, my internet is fast, everyone finally shut up, what’s not to like.
Commentary:
Sure, I'll gladly join the nocturnal crew! Who wouldn't prefer starlight and high-speed WiFi over sunburns and noisy neighbors? 🌜🌟💻
They say white people don’t have their own culture, but I just got invited to a gender reveal party for a dog, and there’s no way we appropriated that from anyone else.
Commentary:
I can't wait for the bark-mitzvah next! 🎉🐶💥
A toddler can do more in one unsupervised minute than most people can do all day.
Commentary:
Sounds like toddlers have mastered time management and chaos creation all at once! 😅🍼💥
I lied, there is no sex. You’re helping me repot plants.
Commentary:
Well, I guess we're getting dirty one way or another! 🌱😂🪴